Children and Divorce - 3 Cases Where Leaving Might Be Best For Them and For You
Divorce is a very painful life transition for many people.
There are vast changes made to living arrangements, intimacy, finances, lifestyle, relationships with mutual friends and family members who feel compelled to pick sides, and of course the impact upon children's lives and time each parent may have with them.
For many parents, it is the impact upon the children emotionally and practically that is of greatest concern.
Some couples stay together "for the children" and this certainly can have its up side.
However, there are instances where the marriage relationship is so harmful or destructive to one or both of the partners that the impact of staying might be worse on the children than leaving.
Here are 3 cases where leaving the marriage might be best for both the children and you: 1.
Abuse.
Any kind of abuse in a relationship is extremely harmful to both you and your children, who witness it even if they are not included directly as victims.
If you are being physically abused, be aware that this behavior typically escalates and it is very important to have professional guidance to make a safe plan for escape.
Contact a domestic violence shelter or counselor who specializes in these issues.
Emotional abuse is also a damaging experience for children.
Keep in mind they are watching your marriage as a prototype for relationships.
They may adopt the model as their own, or later feel angry that they were subjected to something so unhealthy.
And, when you are constantly walking on eggshells to avoid setting off your partner, the trickle down effect through the family is undeniable.
2.
Adultery.
A partner who is continuing to cheat is putting the stability of the family in serious jeopardy.
Along with endangering your health, the non monogamous partner injects a serious note of chaos and discord into the relationship.
Even if you manage to hide details of what is going on from your children, they will know something is wrong.
Your level of preoccupation with managing your feelings of betrayal and hurt will invariably distract you from being fully present and available to meet your children's needs.
3.
Addictions.
If your partner is actively abusing drugs and alcohol, you will be subject to the consequences of your partner's behaviors.
You may face legal and financial complications as a result of DUI's, accidents or even a death related to your spouse's using.
It is very easy to get pulled into trying to manage the various crises created by your partner's drug or alcohol use, drawing your attention away from fully meeting your children's needs.
There are vast changes made to living arrangements, intimacy, finances, lifestyle, relationships with mutual friends and family members who feel compelled to pick sides, and of course the impact upon children's lives and time each parent may have with them.
For many parents, it is the impact upon the children emotionally and practically that is of greatest concern.
Some couples stay together "for the children" and this certainly can have its up side.
However, there are instances where the marriage relationship is so harmful or destructive to one or both of the partners that the impact of staying might be worse on the children than leaving.
Here are 3 cases where leaving the marriage might be best for both the children and you: 1.
Abuse.
Any kind of abuse in a relationship is extremely harmful to both you and your children, who witness it even if they are not included directly as victims.
If you are being physically abused, be aware that this behavior typically escalates and it is very important to have professional guidance to make a safe plan for escape.
Contact a domestic violence shelter or counselor who specializes in these issues.
Emotional abuse is also a damaging experience for children.
Keep in mind they are watching your marriage as a prototype for relationships.
They may adopt the model as their own, or later feel angry that they were subjected to something so unhealthy.
And, when you are constantly walking on eggshells to avoid setting off your partner, the trickle down effect through the family is undeniable.
2.
Adultery.
A partner who is continuing to cheat is putting the stability of the family in serious jeopardy.
Along with endangering your health, the non monogamous partner injects a serious note of chaos and discord into the relationship.
Even if you manage to hide details of what is going on from your children, they will know something is wrong.
Your level of preoccupation with managing your feelings of betrayal and hurt will invariably distract you from being fully present and available to meet your children's needs.
3.
Addictions.
If your partner is actively abusing drugs and alcohol, you will be subject to the consequences of your partner's behaviors.
You may face legal and financial complications as a result of DUI's, accidents or even a death related to your spouse's using.
It is very easy to get pulled into trying to manage the various crises created by your partner's drug or alcohol use, drawing your attention away from fully meeting your children's needs.
