How to Handle Your Husband Having an Affair
- 1). State your expectations with your spouse in a calm, rational way. Emotions run hot after you discover your husband's affair, but all major life decisions should be made with a clear head, especially if you have children. Decide what this affair means to your marriage and if you plan to go forward as a couple.
- 2). Clear the air. State how this affair makes you feel and listen when he explains why he did what he did. You may even decide to set certain guidelines for him to answer specific questions. Whatever your approach, don't internalize blame. No matter what you did or did not do, your husband still made the decision to stray rather than work on the problems in your marriage.
- 3). Demand accountability. If you both plan to stay in the marriage, your husband will have to break things off with the other person. At this point, it will be his responsibility to earn your trust again, and that means total transparency on his part with any phone calls, messages or time away from you.
- 4). Work on the weaknesses in your marriage. This is a team effort and while you may feel entitled for him to do all the repair work, whatever was missing in the relationship that caused him to stray could tempt him outside the marriage again. Open up communication and learn to meet the needs of each other.
- 5). Reclaim normalcy in your relationship. In those first dark days after the affair is addressed, it will be especially difficult to think of anything else. But you can take a break from the pain, and in fact, it will help you heal to focus on something other than the betrayal. If you are staying together, go out on a date night where you focus only on each other so you can reconstruct your core friendship.
- 6). Don't dwell on the affair. Sometimes you as the spouse will allow this other person into your relationship long after he has let her go. If you have decided to stay in the marriage, concentrate on your goals to move forward instead of constantly looking back. Focus instead on more self-improving habits and goals.
- 7). Forgive him. This may be the hardest step because there may be a piece of you that thinks withholding this forgiveness in some way continues to punish him for the betrayal. But forgiveness works as a salve from the inside out, and is really more healing to you than him. Bitterness and resentment only keep you chained to the affair, and by doing so keep you unable to move forward, whether you stay married or not.
