What is marriage counselling like?
When partners choose me for marriage coaching they are often taken aback with the relatively short period of time we spend evaluating what went belly-up in the romance. Sure, I will ask each person why they have chosen to do couples counselling and what they aspire to get out of it, but unless there is an urgent need, I'll not dissect and invest time in the destructive aspects of their history together.
I use Imago Relationship Therapy when working with couples. Imago theory does not think that individuals do stuff during their relationships in order to piss their partner off! There is always a purpose why we do things. We are endeavoring to get our needs met. We typically go about doing this in entirely the wrong manner because we are human and we are fallible.
Part of the therapeutic process most certainly entails dialoging about how exactly we have been wounded by our partner. In Imago this is accomplished protectively and calmly. Couples dialogue is used throughout all proceedings in Imago Relationship Therapy. This involves checking out that your lover is ok to hear what you have got to say, then getting precisely what you say mirrored, validated and empathised with by your partner.
It sounds simple and easy, yet it can be a challenge to learn and is powerful when learned. It is also the subject of a whole separate blog post.
90% of my marriage counselling sessions are spent with the couple dialoging with one another. The focus is on ownership of feelings and connection with your partner. Yelling at one another achieves very little and merely reinforces negative patterns of behaviour so is discouraged - you most likely had been doing that in your own home and look where it's got you.
Much time in Imago is used understanding the best way to do things in another way. Imagoinstructs us to break out of the old habits and put new, more valuable ones in their place. These new methods permit the relationship to grow, accentuate the good, take away the blame and replace it with integrity and intimacy.
I'm not pretending that couples get there immediately. Many couples find couples therapy difficult, and a few come a few times, realise the level of effort they will need to put into repairing their relationship and decide to separate. I feel unhappy when that happens, but at least they have made a decision that they have often been delaying for months. The couples that hang in there and don't give up move through the uncomfortable period they encounter with couples dialogue and then slowly discover their connections switching to a completely new level. They start to look at their companion as an ally, and they also "get" why they both do the bad things in their partnership. They discover ways to request what they want in a healthy way and start to understand what their partner wants.
When you come see me for relationship therapy My goal is to do my best to keep you together. Imago theory believes strongly in long-term relationships for all couples, straight or gay, married or cohabiting. Your companion is likely to be a perfect fit, that's the reason why you have such an emotional relationship. Imago Relationship Therapy helps move those emotions further into the affirmative.
I use Imago Relationship Therapy when working with couples. Imago theory does not think that individuals do stuff during their relationships in order to piss their partner off! There is always a purpose why we do things. We are endeavoring to get our needs met. We typically go about doing this in entirely the wrong manner because we are human and we are fallible.
Part of the therapeutic process most certainly entails dialoging about how exactly we have been wounded by our partner. In Imago this is accomplished protectively and calmly. Couples dialogue is used throughout all proceedings in Imago Relationship Therapy. This involves checking out that your lover is ok to hear what you have got to say, then getting precisely what you say mirrored, validated and empathised with by your partner.
It sounds simple and easy, yet it can be a challenge to learn and is powerful when learned. It is also the subject of a whole separate blog post.
90% of my marriage counselling sessions are spent with the couple dialoging with one another. The focus is on ownership of feelings and connection with your partner. Yelling at one another achieves very little and merely reinforces negative patterns of behaviour so is discouraged - you most likely had been doing that in your own home and look where it's got you.
Much time in Imago is used understanding the best way to do things in another way. Imagoinstructs us to break out of the old habits and put new, more valuable ones in their place. These new methods permit the relationship to grow, accentuate the good, take away the blame and replace it with integrity and intimacy.
I'm not pretending that couples get there immediately. Many couples find couples therapy difficult, and a few come a few times, realise the level of effort they will need to put into repairing their relationship and decide to separate. I feel unhappy when that happens, but at least they have made a decision that they have often been delaying for months. The couples that hang in there and don't give up move through the uncomfortable period they encounter with couples dialogue and then slowly discover their connections switching to a completely new level. They start to look at their companion as an ally, and they also "get" why they both do the bad things in their partnership. They discover ways to request what they want in a healthy way and start to understand what their partner wants.
When you come see me for relationship therapy My goal is to do my best to keep you together. Imago theory believes strongly in long-term relationships for all couples, straight or gay, married or cohabiting. Your companion is likely to be a perfect fit, that's the reason why you have such an emotional relationship. Imago Relationship Therapy helps move those emotions further into the affirmative.
