You"re Successful, But Do You Even Know If You"re Happy?
Ok, so what is the purpose to your life? What do you want? To be happy and successful, right? It is very important that we notice the two-fold purpose - successful and happy.
So many people find that in the process of becoming 'successful', they completely fail to achieve anything in the way of happiness.
So focused are we on the material outcome of our efforts that we very often DON'T EVEN NOTICE when we are not happy! It frequently takes years for people to realise a feeling of emptiness, despite possessing all the trappings of success that are supposed to make them feel complete.
Very often, when we do uncover this feeling on a very deep level, we are unwilling to accept its implications consciously, and so throw ourselves ever more enthusiastically into the illusion, trying to fill the void with the only tools we have - more things.
If we look at this situation dispassionately, and try to honestly understand our current state of being, we can see in the abstract that this inability to understand our deep unhappiness leads inevitably and precisely to the fact that we cannot know when we are happy! I am sure I will get many howls of disagreement here.
Most people will argue that, of course they know when they are happy or unhappy.
They could perhaps immediately point to a hundred instances where they felt happy: "when I bought that pair of shoes (car / house / bowling ball), I felt happy", "when the boss praised me for a job well done, I felt happy", "when my little girl throws her arms around my neck and says "I love you mummy", I feel happy".
There are probably dozens of times a day when people can identify the experience they call 'happiness', and probably more that they would identify as 'unhappiness'.
On the surface, I would agree that we can all identify countless examples what we would call 'happiness' and 'unhappiness' in our daily lives.
The reality of living in any type of communal society, however, is that these important reference points in our lives are generally learned and then shaped by life within our particular circumstances.
They do not appear and develop naturally, as they should, from the unique set of talents and passions that we are all innately born with.
We as individuals, and as a society, have set up mental constructs to identify and justify the feelings that we experience.
So, when we feel a certain way in response to certain specific events or situations, we name that feeling in accordance with what we have been taught, and what we have experienced and felt in the past.
Thus, when we go out and purchase that new dress, and exercise one of the few powers we feel like we have left - consumer power - it makes us feel a certain way, and we call that feeling 'happiness'.
The problem with this is that it only lasts for a very short time, and soon we are out seeking that feeling again.
The pull of consumer power, in particular, is very strong, and for many, it is the only real power they feel that they have.
This constant searching for gratification sets up the scenario where we work 100 hours a week in order to afford the things that we think should make us happy - only to find that we don't have the time to enjoy them, anyway! If we consider this, particularly popular, scenario of 'retail therapy' with brutal honesty, we can see that it is rarely in the owning of a thing that makes us happy, but in the buying of it, or in having others praise or covet the thing.
The point of sale lets us exercise our (perceived) limited power, and so feel more in control of our lives and circumstances.
Exercising this power often gives us the feeling that we refer to as 'happiness'.
When others praise or covet whatever it is that we have acquired, be it a new 'thing', or a particular lifestyle, partner, job, etc.
, we are reminded of the conditioned belief that abundance is a limited phenomenon (it is not, of course, but we will discuss this later).
As we have succeeded in acquiring what others want, but do not have, it shows, again, a degree of power over our circumstances that will inspire a particular feeling within us.
This is a vindication, and so a reinforcement of our label of 'happiness' on this feeling.
I would, therefore, like to suggest that what you call 'happiness' may not be happiness at all, but a state of being where you feel like you have some power over yourself and your circumstances, even though this power is illusionary.
And it is precisely because it is illusionary that it cannot possibly be called true happiness.
It is possible that this state of illusionary comfort is perfectly acceptable to you, and the constant pursuit of its short-lived pleasures a way of life that you are content with.
If that is the case, then read no further.
The road to real happiness is not always an easy one.
It may initially involve a complete rethinking and restructuring of your entire belief system.
It may mean abandoning many things that you have been taught to be true and have believed all of your life.
It will most certainly mean taking responsibility for everything that has ever happened to you in your life.
Every situation or circumstance that you have ever found yourself in, even if you cannot see yourself in their making, is your responsibility to take.
The important thing to remember is that you cannot change any of it until you take responsibility for all of it.
This is a scary thing to do.
It takes courage, strength and commitment, as well as a certain amount of trust in the process.
You must have a thorough belief in the power of examining and restructuring the foundational values of your life.
There is no point embarking on a journey that you are not prepared for.
That would be like setting out to explore the desert without first making sure you had adequate water.
If, however, you have an desire to understand that beyond happiness there is a place called 'Joy', that has none of the transience of happiness, and all of the feeling (and then some), then stay with us.
There will be more articles in this series to help you forge ahead and discover this nugget of gold.
Joy is a feeling that is anchored deep inside of you, and so has a quality that feeds a feeling of security and contentment.
Joy comes through the discovery and practice of your hearts desire.
The answer to the 'what do I love above all else' question.
And with Joy comes everything else you ever wanted! Find and commit to your passion, and you will find your success.
Any enterprise undertaken without a passion is a duty.
And the motivation and energy required to be successful very quickly evaporates when you feel obligated to perform.
Passions motivate to action.
Duties motivate to procrastination and excuses.
So the first step on the way to your new life is to be prepared to completely reverse your modes of thinking.
Realise that everything you have ever thought about being successful may just be wrong, and be prepared to start again from scratch.
Simple, huh? It may not look like it now, but it actually is a very simple process, and if undertaken in the right spirit, and exciting and enjoyable one.
It is not always easy, but the principals behind finding your individual style of success will bring your rewards you have yet to imagine!
So many people find that in the process of becoming 'successful', they completely fail to achieve anything in the way of happiness.
So focused are we on the material outcome of our efforts that we very often DON'T EVEN NOTICE when we are not happy! It frequently takes years for people to realise a feeling of emptiness, despite possessing all the trappings of success that are supposed to make them feel complete.
Very often, when we do uncover this feeling on a very deep level, we are unwilling to accept its implications consciously, and so throw ourselves ever more enthusiastically into the illusion, trying to fill the void with the only tools we have - more things.
If we look at this situation dispassionately, and try to honestly understand our current state of being, we can see in the abstract that this inability to understand our deep unhappiness leads inevitably and precisely to the fact that we cannot know when we are happy! I am sure I will get many howls of disagreement here.
Most people will argue that, of course they know when they are happy or unhappy.
They could perhaps immediately point to a hundred instances where they felt happy: "when I bought that pair of shoes (car / house / bowling ball), I felt happy", "when the boss praised me for a job well done, I felt happy", "when my little girl throws her arms around my neck and says "I love you mummy", I feel happy".
There are probably dozens of times a day when people can identify the experience they call 'happiness', and probably more that they would identify as 'unhappiness'.
On the surface, I would agree that we can all identify countless examples what we would call 'happiness' and 'unhappiness' in our daily lives.
The reality of living in any type of communal society, however, is that these important reference points in our lives are generally learned and then shaped by life within our particular circumstances.
They do not appear and develop naturally, as they should, from the unique set of talents and passions that we are all innately born with.
We as individuals, and as a society, have set up mental constructs to identify and justify the feelings that we experience.
So, when we feel a certain way in response to certain specific events or situations, we name that feeling in accordance with what we have been taught, and what we have experienced and felt in the past.
Thus, when we go out and purchase that new dress, and exercise one of the few powers we feel like we have left - consumer power - it makes us feel a certain way, and we call that feeling 'happiness'.
The problem with this is that it only lasts for a very short time, and soon we are out seeking that feeling again.
The pull of consumer power, in particular, is very strong, and for many, it is the only real power they feel that they have.
This constant searching for gratification sets up the scenario where we work 100 hours a week in order to afford the things that we think should make us happy - only to find that we don't have the time to enjoy them, anyway! If we consider this, particularly popular, scenario of 'retail therapy' with brutal honesty, we can see that it is rarely in the owning of a thing that makes us happy, but in the buying of it, or in having others praise or covet the thing.
The point of sale lets us exercise our (perceived) limited power, and so feel more in control of our lives and circumstances.
Exercising this power often gives us the feeling that we refer to as 'happiness'.
When others praise or covet whatever it is that we have acquired, be it a new 'thing', or a particular lifestyle, partner, job, etc.
, we are reminded of the conditioned belief that abundance is a limited phenomenon (it is not, of course, but we will discuss this later).
As we have succeeded in acquiring what others want, but do not have, it shows, again, a degree of power over our circumstances that will inspire a particular feeling within us.
This is a vindication, and so a reinforcement of our label of 'happiness' on this feeling.
I would, therefore, like to suggest that what you call 'happiness' may not be happiness at all, but a state of being where you feel like you have some power over yourself and your circumstances, even though this power is illusionary.
And it is precisely because it is illusionary that it cannot possibly be called true happiness.
It is possible that this state of illusionary comfort is perfectly acceptable to you, and the constant pursuit of its short-lived pleasures a way of life that you are content with.
If that is the case, then read no further.
The road to real happiness is not always an easy one.
It may initially involve a complete rethinking and restructuring of your entire belief system.
It may mean abandoning many things that you have been taught to be true and have believed all of your life.
It will most certainly mean taking responsibility for everything that has ever happened to you in your life.
Every situation or circumstance that you have ever found yourself in, even if you cannot see yourself in their making, is your responsibility to take.
The important thing to remember is that you cannot change any of it until you take responsibility for all of it.
This is a scary thing to do.
It takes courage, strength and commitment, as well as a certain amount of trust in the process.
You must have a thorough belief in the power of examining and restructuring the foundational values of your life.
There is no point embarking on a journey that you are not prepared for.
That would be like setting out to explore the desert without first making sure you had adequate water.
If, however, you have an desire to understand that beyond happiness there is a place called 'Joy', that has none of the transience of happiness, and all of the feeling (and then some), then stay with us.
There will be more articles in this series to help you forge ahead and discover this nugget of gold.
Joy is a feeling that is anchored deep inside of you, and so has a quality that feeds a feeling of security and contentment.
Joy comes through the discovery and practice of your hearts desire.
The answer to the 'what do I love above all else' question.
And with Joy comes everything else you ever wanted! Find and commit to your passion, and you will find your success.
Any enterprise undertaken without a passion is a duty.
And the motivation and energy required to be successful very quickly evaporates when you feel obligated to perform.
Passions motivate to action.
Duties motivate to procrastination and excuses.
So the first step on the way to your new life is to be prepared to completely reverse your modes of thinking.
Realise that everything you have ever thought about being successful may just be wrong, and be prepared to start again from scratch.
Simple, huh? It may not look like it now, but it actually is a very simple process, and if undertaken in the right spirit, and exciting and enjoyable one.
It is not always easy, but the principals behind finding your individual style of success will bring your rewards you have yet to imagine!
