Do You Really Know Your Spouse?
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
- Mother Teresa
If you're reading this article, then you're probably trying to improve or mend your relationship and rekindle the love you once had. Many conflicts arise because we share and give love in different ways. To deeply connect with one another we must understand each other's needs and learn how to fulfill them.
Dr. Gary Chapman has found five different patterns through which people share their love: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. If you express love in a way your spouse doesn't understand, they will not e aware of your feelings at all. It's simple: you're speaking different love languages!
What Are The Five Love Languages?
Your challenge is to discover your partner's love language and know what acts of love they most appreciate and need. Once you do that, you will have found the key to a long-lasting and loving relationship.
The five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation.
"I can live for two months on a good compliment ", Mark Twain said. Compliments are powerful love indicators. Also, encouragements inspire people and give them a confidence boost. Once you start seeing the world trough your partner's eyes you can give compliments and encouragements whenever they need it.
2. Quality Time.
Togetherness is all about being close to your partner and giving them your whole attention (not lying on the couch watching TV together). It means that you are doing something together and you are giving your spouse undivided attention.
Quality time also includes a good conversation where you share experiences, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted way.Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking and observe their feelings throughout the conversation and by all means, refuse to interrupt them.
3. Receiving Gifts.
Someone who speaks this love language will always appreciate gifts, no matter how small. A gift is a symbol of the love you have for them and has tremendous emotional value. Make a list of all the gifts your spouse has expressed excitement about receiving and don't wait for a special occasion, surprise them with a little something every time you get the chance.
The gift of self is also very important and being there when someone really needs you speaks clearly to them of your love and support.
4. Acts of Service.
This love language is about doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. It refers to the nice things that you can do to please them, whether it's doing the groceries or helping them with their work.
5. Physical Touch.
We all love to be hugged and cuddled every once in a while. Physical touch is a basic expression of love and holding hands, kissing, hugging, rubbing each other's back, and sexual intimacy are all ways of expressing emotional love. Touch receptors are located all over the body, so lovingly touching your spouse just about anywhere on the body is a powerful expression of love.
Discover Your Own Love Language
Do you know what your primary love language is? Here are three questions to help you discover what makes you feel most loved and appreciated:
- What does your spouse do or not do that hurts you most deeply?
The opposite of what upsets you the most is most likely your love language.
- What do you most frequently ask your partner to do?
The thing you most often request is probably the thing that would make you feel most loved and appreciated.
- How do you typically express love to your spouse?
Your way of expressing love may be the same way that would also make you feel loved.
Final Thoughts...
We all have different values and the way we show our love differs from person to person. These tips are supposed to help you understand your partner's way of expressing love and to improve your relationship. I suggest you even ask your spouse, "Could you give me an idea or one thing that I could do that would make me a better wife or husband?"
When you know what language you need spoken to you and what your spouse's language is, you can both fill each other's love tanks so your emotional wellbeing is balanced. Forget about situations can where one of you may feel unloved, taken for granted or misunderstood.
- Mother Teresa
If you're reading this article, then you're probably trying to improve or mend your relationship and rekindle the love you once had. Many conflicts arise because we share and give love in different ways. To deeply connect with one another we must understand each other's needs and learn how to fulfill them.
Dr. Gary Chapman has found five different patterns through which people share their love: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. If you express love in a way your spouse doesn't understand, they will not e aware of your feelings at all. It's simple: you're speaking different love languages!
What Are The Five Love Languages?
Your challenge is to discover your partner's love language and know what acts of love they most appreciate and need. Once you do that, you will have found the key to a long-lasting and loving relationship.
The five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation.
"I can live for two months on a good compliment ", Mark Twain said. Compliments are powerful love indicators. Also, encouragements inspire people and give them a confidence boost. Once you start seeing the world trough your partner's eyes you can give compliments and encouragements whenever they need it.
2. Quality Time.
Togetherness is all about being close to your partner and giving them your whole attention (not lying on the couch watching TV together). It means that you are doing something together and you are giving your spouse undivided attention.
Quality time also includes a good conversation where you share experiences, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted way.Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking and observe their feelings throughout the conversation and by all means, refuse to interrupt them.
3. Receiving Gifts.
Someone who speaks this love language will always appreciate gifts, no matter how small. A gift is a symbol of the love you have for them and has tremendous emotional value. Make a list of all the gifts your spouse has expressed excitement about receiving and don't wait for a special occasion, surprise them with a little something every time you get the chance.
The gift of self is also very important and being there when someone really needs you speaks clearly to them of your love and support.
4. Acts of Service.
This love language is about doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. It refers to the nice things that you can do to please them, whether it's doing the groceries or helping them with their work.
5. Physical Touch.
We all love to be hugged and cuddled every once in a while. Physical touch is a basic expression of love and holding hands, kissing, hugging, rubbing each other's back, and sexual intimacy are all ways of expressing emotional love. Touch receptors are located all over the body, so lovingly touching your spouse just about anywhere on the body is a powerful expression of love.
Discover Your Own Love Language
Do you know what your primary love language is? Here are three questions to help you discover what makes you feel most loved and appreciated:
- What does your spouse do or not do that hurts you most deeply?
The opposite of what upsets you the most is most likely your love language.
- What do you most frequently ask your partner to do?
The thing you most often request is probably the thing that would make you feel most loved and appreciated.
- How do you typically express love to your spouse?
Your way of expressing love may be the same way that would also make you feel loved.
Final Thoughts...
We all have different values and the way we show our love differs from person to person. These tips are supposed to help you understand your partner's way of expressing love and to improve your relationship. I suggest you even ask your spouse, "Could you give me an idea or one thing that I could do that would make me a better wife or husband?"
When you know what language you need spoken to you and what your spouse's language is, you can both fill each other's love tanks so your emotional wellbeing is balanced. Forget about situations can where one of you may feel unloved, taken for granted or misunderstood.
