Most of us were brought up judging other people who were selfish.
We believe that people who are selfish are egotistical and think only of themselves.
So we end up putting ourselves second - or even further back down the queue.
The pattern we normally run is putting the needs and wants of others first, trying to keep them happy, often ignoring our own preferences.
Belief: putting our own needs first is selfish and bad.
Sometimes this is what we were taught was "right", when we were kids, at school or at home.
Sometimes it's a strategy we figured out over the years, as a way of fitting in or pleasing people.
Sometimes it can be driven by self-worth issues - secretly believing we don't deserve to get what we want.
What's the problem? Whatever the reason, there's a big problem with all this.
There are two, in fact:

1. By jumping through hoops to keep others happy, we're not doing them any favours.
   Instead, we're keeping them trapped in a cycle of being dependent on the behaviour of others, in order to feel happy.
   We're not allowing them to take responsibility for their own happiness.
   
2. Putting ourselves last eventually leads to resentment and anger - even though we might not consciously be aware of it.
   Denying our needs and neglecting ourselves leads to burn-out.
   Ironically, we aren't much use to others if we're running on empty.
   

How can we break the cycle?

The General drinks from the well, before leading his troops.
- Ancient Chinese saying.
or - in modern terms: Put on your own oxygen mask, before helping others.
- Airline safety announcement

Step by step:

• Think twice before you automatically say "yes".
  - Ask yourself: "Is this really what I want to do? If not, don't do it.
  Could someone else do it instead? People might initially be shocked by you saying no, but they'll respect you for it, in the long-run.
  
• It's OK to have an opinion.
  - Make the commitment to yourself that it's OK to express your preferences.
  You have as much right as others to have an opinion.
  Sharing it with compassion and understanding is important, though!
• Know what nurtures you? - Write a list - right now - of ten things that nurture you - no matter how big or small.
  Then do something every day that nurtures you, even if it's as simple as going for a walk or reading a book in peace and quiet.
  
• Create a new belief - Choose to believe: "It's OK to look after myself with the same dedication that I give to others.
  "

Remember: putting yourself first isn't about being unkind to others.
In fact, you'll be much better placed to help them if you're feeling happier, recharged and valued - by yourself.