How to Handle a Breakup - Four Steps For Taking Control of Your Emotions
Spend an hour listening to the radio or watching a romantic movie and you'll get tons of advice on how to handle a breakup.
The problem is, it's really, really bad advice.
Phrases like "I can't live without him" and "I'll never get over her" make for good lyrics, but they're the last things you should be telling yourself when you've broken up with someone.
If there was ever a time when you needed to stay as strong and positive, this is it.
Whether you want to move on with your life or you want to get back together again, you need to make intelligent decisions now.
And the more you can avoid getting stuck in a quagmire of negative emotions, the easier that will be.
What you think about determines how you feel Really powerful emotions, like the ones you feel when you're dealing with a breakup, can be so intense that it feels like they have a life of their own - like they're some horrible pain being inflicted on you.
But the truth is, emotions don't come from outside us.
We create our own emotions, and we create them with the thoughts we think.
The more time you spend telling yourself how miserable you are and how much you've been hurt, the more intense those feelings will become.
Focusing on the pain locks you into a trap of sheer misery - it will stop your from moving on with your life and it certainly won't help you get your relationship back together.
In fact, if you decide to dwell on how bad you feel, you're throwing any chance of reconciling with your ex out the window.
Feeling bad about the situation won't change it - but feeling better about it might! The simple fact is that the more devastated you feel about losing your partner, the less chance you have of ever getting them back.
No one wants to be with a person who's consumed with hurt, betrayal, and anger..
..
especially if they know you hold them responsible for your pain.
Taking control of your own emotions and refusing to wallow in negativity is the single most important step in getting through a breakup with poise, style, and self respect.
If you decide you really do want your ex back, your choice to stop dwelling on the pain will make that possible.
And if you decide that what you really want is to move on and find someone new, you'll be able do it with confidence.
Be aware of what you're telling yourself After a breakup it's natural for thoughts about the situation to dominate your mind almost all the time.
When you find your thoughts drifting in a negative direction, remind yourself that you don't have to go there.
Recall that you have control of what you think about, and you can refuse to make yourself feel worse.
Don't believe everything you think All kinds of thoughts will come up in your mind, but it's crucial to remember that just because you think something, that doesn't make it true.
In an emotional situation it's easy to super-magnify everything in our thoughts, and that creates a very distorted mental picture of ourselves and everyone else involved.
If a thought makes you feel sad and miserable, challenge it!
The problem is, it's really, really bad advice.
Phrases like "I can't live without him" and "I'll never get over her" make for good lyrics, but they're the last things you should be telling yourself when you've broken up with someone.
If there was ever a time when you needed to stay as strong and positive, this is it.
Whether you want to move on with your life or you want to get back together again, you need to make intelligent decisions now.
And the more you can avoid getting stuck in a quagmire of negative emotions, the easier that will be.
What you think about determines how you feel Really powerful emotions, like the ones you feel when you're dealing with a breakup, can be so intense that it feels like they have a life of their own - like they're some horrible pain being inflicted on you.
But the truth is, emotions don't come from outside us.
We create our own emotions, and we create them with the thoughts we think.
The more time you spend telling yourself how miserable you are and how much you've been hurt, the more intense those feelings will become.
Focusing on the pain locks you into a trap of sheer misery - it will stop your from moving on with your life and it certainly won't help you get your relationship back together.
In fact, if you decide to dwell on how bad you feel, you're throwing any chance of reconciling with your ex out the window.
Feeling bad about the situation won't change it - but feeling better about it might! The simple fact is that the more devastated you feel about losing your partner, the less chance you have of ever getting them back.
No one wants to be with a person who's consumed with hurt, betrayal, and anger..
..
especially if they know you hold them responsible for your pain.
Taking control of your own emotions and refusing to wallow in negativity is the single most important step in getting through a breakup with poise, style, and self respect.
If you decide you really do want your ex back, your choice to stop dwelling on the pain will make that possible.
And if you decide that what you really want is to move on and find someone new, you'll be able do it with confidence.
Be aware of what you're telling yourself After a breakup it's natural for thoughts about the situation to dominate your mind almost all the time.
When you find your thoughts drifting in a negative direction, remind yourself that you don't have to go there.
Recall that you have control of what you think about, and you can refuse to make yourself feel worse.
Don't believe everything you think All kinds of thoughts will come up in your mind, but it's crucial to remember that just because you think something, that doesn't make it true.
In an emotional situation it's easy to super-magnify everything in our thoughts, and that creates a very distorted mental picture of ourselves and everyone else involved.
If a thought makes you feel sad and miserable, challenge it!
