Why a Painful Divorce Has You Waking Up Sad and What You Can Do About It
Waking up to feelings of sadness and hurt is not uncommon when going through a divorce, especially if our divorce was something we were not anticipating, or desired.
Is this happening to you? Are you waking up and being bombarded instantaneously with feelings of hurt and despair, and a cacophony of negative internal dialogue? Maybe tears begin to sting your eyes, and your stomach clenches in sorrow? Even though waking up this way is painful and undesirable, there is a silver lining to the dark cloud.
We can do something about it.
There are ways to help us cope when we wake up and face these stark thoughts and feelings.
The very first thing you need to do when you wake up sad and hurt is to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings when they race in.
"Yes, I am unhappy; yes, these feelings hurt.
" In other words, "Yes, I'm aware of you; but, there is an explanation for you; I know why I'm feeling like I do.
" Acknowledging your feelings doesn't mean immersing yourself in them, or wallowing in them.
It's about stepping back and seeing them, objectively, for what the are, and from whence they came.
Second, begin to gently respond to your feelings and take the upper hand.
Meet each thought and feeling head-on with a thought or phrase that corrals it, douses its sting with something that immediately comes to mind.
To the thought, "...
this hurts so bad...
", you could gently respond, "...
yes, it does; it does hurt bad; I wasn't expecting it; I don't know why this whole situation is happening to me; but the fact is, it is happening to me; it's started and I can only move forward now; I wish it wasn't so; but I can't just lay here and feel bad; I have things I need to do; I need to get up and get started on my day; I need to...
(you fill in); I could shower first or maybe get a cup of coffee...
" Now sit up, toss off the covers, and take a deep breathe.
Allow yourself a big gusty sigh if you need to.
Do you see what is being accomplished? You still experienced your feelings, yet, you also took steps to deal with them in a compassionate and self-directing way.
If, at first, you find it hard to do, don't give up.
It takes vigilance and practice.
The important thing is to put what's happening to you in perspective.
If you work to acknowledge your feelings, you'll be better able to tuck them in your pocket, and move forward on your journey instead of sitting there on an emotional bench, mindlessly feeding a flock of feelings.
This is definitely something you can do this for yourself.
Just keep at it - and most of all, be compassionate and gentle with yourself!
Is this happening to you? Are you waking up and being bombarded instantaneously with feelings of hurt and despair, and a cacophony of negative internal dialogue? Maybe tears begin to sting your eyes, and your stomach clenches in sorrow? Even though waking up this way is painful and undesirable, there is a silver lining to the dark cloud.
We can do something about it.
There are ways to help us cope when we wake up and face these stark thoughts and feelings.
The very first thing you need to do when you wake up sad and hurt is to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings when they race in.
"Yes, I am unhappy; yes, these feelings hurt.
" In other words, "Yes, I'm aware of you; but, there is an explanation for you; I know why I'm feeling like I do.
" Acknowledging your feelings doesn't mean immersing yourself in them, or wallowing in them.
It's about stepping back and seeing them, objectively, for what the are, and from whence they came.
Second, begin to gently respond to your feelings and take the upper hand.
Meet each thought and feeling head-on with a thought or phrase that corrals it, douses its sting with something that immediately comes to mind.
To the thought, "...
this hurts so bad...
", you could gently respond, "...
yes, it does; it does hurt bad; I wasn't expecting it; I don't know why this whole situation is happening to me; but the fact is, it is happening to me; it's started and I can only move forward now; I wish it wasn't so; but I can't just lay here and feel bad; I have things I need to do; I need to get up and get started on my day; I need to...
(you fill in); I could shower first or maybe get a cup of coffee...
" Now sit up, toss off the covers, and take a deep breathe.
Allow yourself a big gusty sigh if you need to.
Do you see what is being accomplished? You still experienced your feelings, yet, you also took steps to deal with them in a compassionate and self-directing way.
If, at first, you find it hard to do, don't give up.
It takes vigilance and practice.
The important thing is to put what's happening to you in perspective.
If you work to acknowledge your feelings, you'll be better able to tuck them in your pocket, and move forward on your journey instead of sitting there on an emotional bench, mindlessly feeding a flock of feelings.
This is definitely something you can do this for yourself.
Just keep at it - and most of all, be compassionate and gentle with yourself!
