Ways You Can Both Cope With the Aftermath of an Affair
Whenever one spouse has an affair, it doesn't speak well of that marriage. Either the spouse is bored with the whole arrangement or else doesn't care enough about his or her husband or wife. Sometimes, both partners are all right with the affair, but that isn't usually the case. While one partner cheats, the other feels demoralized, put down, and filled with hopelessness. Even if the cheating spouse is sorry that the affair happened, it's going to take more than a simple, €I'm sorry€ to put the relationship back on track. It's going to require rebuilding of trust which is never easy. The following outlines steps you need to take to revive your ailing marriage after infidelity.
If you're the cheating spouse, there are a number of ways you can regain a bit of trust and turn your marriage in the right direction. Start by promising that you'll never do it again, and mean it. Discourage all attempts on your lover's part to try and keep you in their life, no matter how innocuous a request may seem. If you should happen to run into your lover accidentally, make sure you explain exactly what happened to your spouse.
Be free and open with information. No matter what your spouse asks, try and answer honestly. Be prepared to work on your marriage in the long term. Remain patient and understanding of your spouse's needs and give validity to the negative feelings he or she is experiencing. Take responsibility for your problems. Being sincere about everything you do and say will go a long way toward repairing your marriage.
If you are the wronged spouse, there are also steps you can take to help you work through your emotions and get your marriage back on track. Ask questions about every phase of the affair. Even if you think you don't want to hear the answers, it's better to know the reality than it is to imagine what might not have happened. However, you should limit the amount of time you spend discussing the affair. You don't want it to be the only thing your marriage is about. If your spouse gets angry and tries to shift blame onto you, do your best to focus on the affair, not your spouse's rage.
Let your spouse know how you feel. If he or she isn't supportive of your position, seek out others who will be. You don't want to either forgive or forget too quickly. Allow your spouse to work hard at reestablishing trust before you decide to let go of the negative feelings and move on with your life.
If you're the cheating spouse, there are a number of ways you can regain a bit of trust and turn your marriage in the right direction. Start by promising that you'll never do it again, and mean it. Discourage all attempts on your lover's part to try and keep you in their life, no matter how innocuous a request may seem. If you should happen to run into your lover accidentally, make sure you explain exactly what happened to your spouse.
Be free and open with information. No matter what your spouse asks, try and answer honestly. Be prepared to work on your marriage in the long term. Remain patient and understanding of your spouse's needs and give validity to the negative feelings he or she is experiencing. Take responsibility for your problems. Being sincere about everything you do and say will go a long way toward repairing your marriage.
If you are the wronged spouse, there are also steps you can take to help you work through your emotions and get your marriage back on track. Ask questions about every phase of the affair. Even if you think you don't want to hear the answers, it's better to know the reality than it is to imagine what might not have happened. However, you should limit the amount of time you spend discussing the affair. You don't want it to be the only thing your marriage is about. If your spouse gets angry and tries to shift blame onto you, do your best to focus on the affair, not your spouse's rage.
Let your spouse know how you feel. If he or she isn't supportive of your position, seek out others who will be. You don't want to either forgive or forget too quickly. Allow your spouse to work hard at reestablishing trust before you decide to let go of the negative feelings and move on with your life.
