5 Ways to Destroy the Worry of What Others Think About Us
Blushing, nausea, sickness, loss of appetite, excessive sweating, diarrhoea, headaches, shortness of breath, shaking, negative body language, dry mouth and nightmares are just a sample of reactions that are caused from the worry of what others think about you. Whether you realise it or not, if you have ever experienced any of these along with other symptoms that cause you to shy away from social situations, you are suffering from some form and level of anxiety.
The term €anxiety' is something that has been ignored in the past as it is associated with the idea of mental illness, which as a whole is viewed negatively and dealt with, with embarrassment and reluctance. However, what we have to realise is that with life speeding us by, we now have so much to deal with socially, financially, emotionally, physically and mentally that anxiety is experienced by each and everyone of us at some point in our lives. For some it reaches such a level that we are controlled by it to an extent that day to day life is unhappy and trapped.
The foundation of anxiety for many of us is the worry of what others think about us. The idea that everything we do is judged in some way and this can take logical thoughts and reactions away and replace them with irrational behaviours caused by a thought process programmed into our subconscious from earlier, negative experiences. Coping with anxiety no matter what level it is at starts with the realisation that we should not worry about what others think about us, once we understand this fully we can begin to focus on taking control of our thoughts and feelings.
1. UNDERSTAND PEOPLE ARE SELFISH:
This sounds harsh but it is true and in one way it is not a bad thing. We all have so many things going on in our day to day life that we rush around trying to get things done in a very short amount of time. However, this is forgotten when we are out in public and we let our thoughts spiral to a frenzy, believing that all eyes are on us, looking at us, watching for mistakes and judging our actions. But, by taking a step back and really looking around you, you will see that people really are not focusing in on what they probably do not even notice you and if they do, if you asked them tomorrow if they remember, its more than likely they won't.
Even if you are in a situation when focus is on you such as a meeting at work what you imagine people are thinking and feeling is probably way off the mark. Think to yourself €What would I be thinking if they were in this position?'. You probably would zone out and really listening (we all do this in meetings let's be honest), you would admire them for being brave or generally not really notice anything at all and take for granted it is just someone holding a meeting. Whatever it is you would feel there is nothing to be scared of, even if someone thinks badly of you will you ever know and what real effect will it have on your life?
2. YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE THOUGHTS OF THOSE AROUND YOU
Worrying about what others think of you can lead you to trying to conform to what you think is expected of you and in turn controlling their thoughts. This is impossible as there is never any real way of knowing what people think anyway. You will try to adapt your behaviour via your perception of what others think of you. For example, buying those shoes, car or apartment that you cannot afford makes you feel you will be more accepted by your peers and strangers as they will view you to have more money and hence be more successful or that you have more in common with them. You end up putting so much pressure on yourself you will lower your self confidence as this behaviour can spiral into things such as anxiety and depression as you never receive the response you want in full as people will not be thinking of you in the same way you believe them to be.
By leading a life dictated to by what you think others expect of you, you reiterate to your brain that people are judging you and hence create a vicious circle where anxiety will breed. It is so easily forgotten that people even if they like that new pair of shoes you are wearing will only respect you and treat you well if they like you for you. If you are not genuine to yourself then how do you expect others to be genuine to you. This is something that we should think about more as we can gain confidence in ourselves as resilience is something that can drive us through life, surrounding ourselves by the people that will not judge us but support us as we will do the same to them.
Whilst you can change a lot of things about you there are also a lot of things you can't which is something we can overlook. We cannot change our past no matter how hard we try. But what we can change is how we let the past affect us and how we deal with the future. We cannot change some of the things we do not like about ourselves like our height or body shape (Not weight) but what we can do is enhance the €best bits' and change our bodies to be the best that they can. So we need to realise we cannot change the fact we cannot be good at everything, lets face it there are so many things in this world we can try to do but we cannot master every single skill as we are all so different and basically not robots, we cannot be programmed to do everything. Once we accept this the faster we can move on and practice the things that we want to do and can be good at.
3. IT CAN ONLY HURT IF YOU LET IT
It is what we think about other people that really takes our logical thinking and reactions over. What others say to us, what we think they think about us as people or what we do, can only affect us if we let it. The worry of what others think is not a positive influence on our lives, especially if the focus is on letting what strangers and those people in our lives who are just acquaintances effect us. Who cares if that random person in the supermarket sees you without your hair brushed or your work colleague who you have never really spoken too sees you drop your bag, would you really judge them?
It is more important to gauge our actions and thoughts by those who count, meaning our close friends and family. We can spend so much time worrying about those we don't even know and what they think of us that we ignore how much we have going for us and what it is that the people who love us think of us.
Our friends and family are the people that know us the best and love us for many reasons, genuine reasons. It is impossible to completely stop worrying about what people think of us as we grow up being taught to please other people such as parents and teachers and this is not a bad thing as we learn, grow and adapt with ease this way by gaining a sense of achievement. But, by worrying what every single person you encounter thinks of you is not a healthy thing to do as you will constantly be thinking negative thoughts which in turn will affect relationships you will have with those around you who do care and only want the best for you and that is to be happy.
4. ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE
We can easily fall into the trap of focusing on all the negative things about our lives and behaviours. This is OK to do if it is in order to change and better yourself but most of the time we criticise ourselves to such an extent we lock our thoughts and actions into our subconscious, leading us to feel like there is no way out and we end up denying responsibility of our own mind, ironically staying in our own fear comfort zone.
Accepting yourself can sometimes be a hard thing to do as you have probably thought negatively for years and it has become an emotional and mental ritual in your life. But there are things you can do to realise what it is you have going for you and make you understand what you have to be confident about. Take time out and write down the answers to each of these questions:
* Name 5 things you have achieved in the past that you are proud of?
* Name 5 things your closest friend loves about you?
* Name 5 things
The term €anxiety' is something that has been ignored in the past as it is associated with the idea of mental illness, which as a whole is viewed negatively and dealt with, with embarrassment and reluctance. However, what we have to realise is that with life speeding us by, we now have so much to deal with socially, financially, emotionally, physically and mentally that anxiety is experienced by each and everyone of us at some point in our lives. For some it reaches such a level that we are controlled by it to an extent that day to day life is unhappy and trapped.
The foundation of anxiety for many of us is the worry of what others think about us. The idea that everything we do is judged in some way and this can take logical thoughts and reactions away and replace them with irrational behaviours caused by a thought process programmed into our subconscious from earlier, negative experiences. Coping with anxiety no matter what level it is at starts with the realisation that we should not worry about what others think about us, once we understand this fully we can begin to focus on taking control of our thoughts and feelings.
1. UNDERSTAND PEOPLE ARE SELFISH:
This sounds harsh but it is true and in one way it is not a bad thing. We all have so many things going on in our day to day life that we rush around trying to get things done in a very short amount of time. However, this is forgotten when we are out in public and we let our thoughts spiral to a frenzy, believing that all eyes are on us, looking at us, watching for mistakes and judging our actions. But, by taking a step back and really looking around you, you will see that people really are not focusing in on what they probably do not even notice you and if they do, if you asked them tomorrow if they remember, its more than likely they won't.
Even if you are in a situation when focus is on you such as a meeting at work what you imagine people are thinking and feeling is probably way off the mark. Think to yourself €What would I be thinking if they were in this position?'. You probably would zone out and really listening (we all do this in meetings let's be honest), you would admire them for being brave or generally not really notice anything at all and take for granted it is just someone holding a meeting. Whatever it is you would feel there is nothing to be scared of, even if someone thinks badly of you will you ever know and what real effect will it have on your life?
2. YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE THOUGHTS OF THOSE AROUND YOU
Worrying about what others think of you can lead you to trying to conform to what you think is expected of you and in turn controlling their thoughts. This is impossible as there is never any real way of knowing what people think anyway. You will try to adapt your behaviour via your perception of what others think of you. For example, buying those shoes, car or apartment that you cannot afford makes you feel you will be more accepted by your peers and strangers as they will view you to have more money and hence be more successful or that you have more in common with them. You end up putting so much pressure on yourself you will lower your self confidence as this behaviour can spiral into things such as anxiety and depression as you never receive the response you want in full as people will not be thinking of you in the same way you believe them to be.
By leading a life dictated to by what you think others expect of you, you reiterate to your brain that people are judging you and hence create a vicious circle where anxiety will breed. It is so easily forgotten that people even if they like that new pair of shoes you are wearing will only respect you and treat you well if they like you for you. If you are not genuine to yourself then how do you expect others to be genuine to you. This is something that we should think about more as we can gain confidence in ourselves as resilience is something that can drive us through life, surrounding ourselves by the people that will not judge us but support us as we will do the same to them.
Whilst you can change a lot of things about you there are also a lot of things you can't which is something we can overlook. We cannot change our past no matter how hard we try. But what we can change is how we let the past affect us and how we deal with the future. We cannot change some of the things we do not like about ourselves like our height or body shape (Not weight) but what we can do is enhance the €best bits' and change our bodies to be the best that they can. So we need to realise we cannot change the fact we cannot be good at everything, lets face it there are so many things in this world we can try to do but we cannot master every single skill as we are all so different and basically not robots, we cannot be programmed to do everything. Once we accept this the faster we can move on and practice the things that we want to do and can be good at.
3. IT CAN ONLY HURT IF YOU LET IT
It is what we think about other people that really takes our logical thinking and reactions over. What others say to us, what we think they think about us as people or what we do, can only affect us if we let it. The worry of what others think is not a positive influence on our lives, especially if the focus is on letting what strangers and those people in our lives who are just acquaintances effect us. Who cares if that random person in the supermarket sees you without your hair brushed or your work colleague who you have never really spoken too sees you drop your bag, would you really judge them?
It is more important to gauge our actions and thoughts by those who count, meaning our close friends and family. We can spend so much time worrying about those we don't even know and what they think of us that we ignore how much we have going for us and what it is that the people who love us think of us.
Our friends and family are the people that know us the best and love us for many reasons, genuine reasons. It is impossible to completely stop worrying about what people think of us as we grow up being taught to please other people such as parents and teachers and this is not a bad thing as we learn, grow and adapt with ease this way by gaining a sense of achievement. But, by worrying what every single person you encounter thinks of you is not a healthy thing to do as you will constantly be thinking negative thoughts which in turn will affect relationships you will have with those around you who do care and only want the best for you and that is to be happy.
4. ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE
We can easily fall into the trap of focusing on all the negative things about our lives and behaviours. This is OK to do if it is in order to change and better yourself but most of the time we criticise ourselves to such an extent we lock our thoughts and actions into our subconscious, leading us to feel like there is no way out and we end up denying responsibility of our own mind, ironically staying in our own fear comfort zone.
Accepting yourself can sometimes be a hard thing to do as you have probably thought negatively for years and it has become an emotional and mental ritual in your life. But there are things you can do to realise what it is you have going for you and make you understand what you have to be confident about. Take time out and write down the answers to each of these questions:
* Name 5 things you have achieved in the past that you are proud of?
* Name 5 things your closest friend loves about you?
* Name 5 things
