Letter to an Ex Girlfriend - Why You Should Burn it Instead If You Want Her Back
So it's been a little while since the break up and now you're wondering how you should contact her.
Perhaps a letter letting her know how you feel; perhaps assuring her that you're moving on; perhaps you just want her to know you still care but only want her to be happy.
All seems harmless enough right? Wrong! I'm all for writing your feelings down if you need to feel some closure, but after you finish writing, burn it or throw it away.
Whatever you do don't send that letter! Why? If you want to pour your feelings onto paper, even if it's to tell her you're moving on and not to worry about you, despite what you say, the ACT of you writing it down and sending it, means you still DO care and this is a sly way of trying to get her to soften up against you.
Right? Come on, don't lie to yourself.
If you were really moving on, you don't need to tell her.
Implementing no contact for 6 months will spell it out to her loud and clear and it will "mean" much more than writing a letter that anyone could have written in 5 minutes.
The difference is, it's easier to say than it is to do, which is why you want to tell her instead of really show her.
I guess, perhaps you're hoping by telling her what you're going to do, this might scare her enough to come back.
Well, it's only words and words alone won't get her back.
There are other major disadvantages to writing a letter.
First, once you have sent the letter, what are the likelihood that you'll obsess over her reaction about it for the days or weeks to come? Want to torture yourself some more if you don't hear from her as quickly as you would like? What if she didn't even get the letter but you misinterpret it as her not caring anymore? How will that make you feel? If you say you don't care, then why even write the letter in the first place? Be honest with yourself but know that by hiding behind a letter, not only will you just drive yourself crazy wondering whether she got it or not, but you won't really get the closure you had hoped you'd obtain by sending it.
Furthermore, don't let her know you're there for her and will always be there for her.
That's leaving you open and available to her when or if she feels like it.
It's a quality no one will be desperate to come running back to believe me.
Perhaps a letter letting her know how you feel; perhaps assuring her that you're moving on; perhaps you just want her to know you still care but only want her to be happy.
All seems harmless enough right? Wrong! I'm all for writing your feelings down if you need to feel some closure, but after you finish writing, burn it or throw it away.
Whatever you do don't send that letter! Why? If you want to pour your feelings onto paper, even if it's to tell her you're moving on and not to worry about you, despite what you say, the ACT of you writing it down and sending it, means you still DO care and this is a sly way of trying to get her to soften up against you.
Right? Come on, don't lie to yourself.
If you were really moving on, you don't need to tell her.
Implementing no contact for 6 months will spell it out to her loud and clear and it will "mean" much more than writing a letter that anyone could have written in 5 minutes.
The difference is, it's easier to say than it is to do, which is why you want to tell her instead of really show her.
I guess, perhaps you're hoping by telling her what you're going to do, this might scare her enough to come back.
Well, it's only words and words alone won't get her back.
There are other major disadvantages to writing a letter.
First, once you have sent the letter, what are the likelihood that you'll obsess over her reaction about it for the days or weeks to come? Want to torture yourself some more if you don't hear from her as quickly as you would like? What if she didn't even get the letter but you misinterpret it as her not caring anymore? How will that make you feel? If you say you don't care, then why even write the letter in the first place? Be honest with yourself but know that by hiding behind a letter, not only will you just drive yourself crazy wondering whether she got it or not, but you won't really get the closure you had hoped you'd obtain by sending it.
Furthermore, don't let her know you're there for her and will always be there for her.
That's leaving you open and available to her when or if she feels like it.
It's a quality no one will be desperate to come running back to believe me.
