How to Deal With Conflicts In Your Marriage After Having Your First Child
Not long after having your first child, it becomes clear that the dynamics for conflict resolution have changed.
So, many couples are left searching for solutions regarding how to deal with conflicts in your marriage after having your first child.
My wife and I recently had our first child, a daughter.
Our baby is perfection, just as yours undoubtedly is as well.
This life change is an enormous blessing.
So, here are some concepts for conflict resolution in your marriage after having your first child.
3 Concepts to Consider When Resolving Conflicts In Your Marriage After Having Your First Child:
Because the stress of having a new baby in the house blurs our communication some already, when spouses discuss an issue while looking at different factors, it can create unnecessary chaos.
For example, my wife and I recently had repeated conversations about our budget.
She was focusing on one expense as more important then others, while I was focusing on a different expense.
In this framework, we were just spinning circles and getting frustrated because we were each focusing on different important factors.
So, when a conflict presents itself, recognize that things are a little more blurry now then they used to be, and be willing to step back for a second.
Figure out what is really important to you and your spouse in this conversation.
Once it is clear and obvious what is important to each of you, its entirely possible that both can be arranged without conflict.
Now, its also possible that even once the important factors are recognized, there is still conflict, and thats where our second concept comes in.
This concept, keep issues separate, is vitally important.
Once each important factor is established, discuss them One At A Time.
If you are talking about picking up the dirty clothes in the house as soon as you take them off, do not bring up the pile of dishes in the same conversation.
One of the easiest tips for dealing with conflicts in your marriage after having a child is to handle each issue on its own.
There is nothing to gain from packing multiple issues into one conversation.
Lastly, from my personal experience, I know that having your first newborn in the house can be a trying time for married couples emotionally.
I know my patience was tested in ways I had never experienced when our little bundle of joy arrived.
So, because of this, I wanted to share this third concept as an overarching idea for all these conversations.
Do your best to avoid elevated emotional states, what I refer to as the crazy level.
We can all feel when our emotional state elevates.
We feel tense, on edge, frustrated, wore out, all of them above maybe.
Anytime either you or your spouse is in this emotional state, it will only complicate any conflict resolution.
For the most part, the conflicts we experience in marriage, as well as the conflicts we experience as new parents, do not need to be solved immediately.
The conversations can wait a half hour.
Two Hours.
Even until morning in many cases.
Your chances of successful and peaceful conflict resolution greatly increase when you share the conversation while you are both in calm emotional states.
I understand it is a challenge.
The blessing of a new child comes with its own share of new stresses, and learning to effectively communicate about those stresses is abundantly valuable in this new life.
As you will surely see, when you implement the above concepts, resolving those challenging new conflicts will get a little easier.
So, many couples are left searching for solutions regarding how to deal with conflicts in your marriage after having your first child.
My wife and I recently had our first child, a daughter.
Our baby is perfection, just as yours undoubtedly is as well.
This life change is an enormous blessing.
So, here are some concepts for conflict resolution in your marriage after having your first child.
3 Concepts to Consider When Resolving Conflicts In Your Marriage After Having Your First Child:
- Establish What Is Important
- Keep Issues Separate
- Avoid the Crazy Level (Elevated Emotional States)
Because the stress of having a new baby in the house blurs our communication some already, when spouses discuss an issue while looking at different factors, it can create unnecessary chaos.
For example, my wife and I recently had repeated conversations about our budget.
She was focusing on one expense as more important then others, while I was focusing on a different expense.
In this framework, we were just spinning circles and getting frustrated because we were each focusing on different important factors.
So, when a conflict presents itself, recognize that things are a little more blurry now then they used to be, and be willing to step back for a second.
Figure out what is really important to you and your spouse in this conversation.
Once it is clear and obvious what is important to each of you, its entirely possible that both can be arranged without conflict.
Now, its also possible that even once the important factors are recognized, there is still conflict, and thats where our second concept comes in.
This concept, keep issues separate, is vitally important.
Once each important factor is established, discuss them One At A Time.
If you are talking about picking up the dirty clothes in the house as soon as you take them off, do not bring up the pile of dishes in the same conversation.
One of the easiest tips for dealing with conflicts in your marriage after having a child is to handle each issue on its own.
There is nothing to gain from packing multiple issues into one conversation.
Lastly, from my personal experience, I know that having your first newborn in the house can be a trying time for married couples emotionally.
I know my patience was tested in ways I had never experienced when our little bundle of joy arrived.
So, because of this, I wanted to share this third concept as an overarching idea for all these conversations.
Do your best to avoid elevated emotional states, what I refer to as the crazy level.
We can all feel when our emotional state elevates.
We feel tense, on edge, frustrated, wore out, all of them above maybe.
Anytime either you or your spouse is in this emotional state, it will only complicate any conflict resolution.
For the most part, the conflicts we experience in marriage, as well as the conflicts we experience as new parents, do not need to be solved immediately.
The conversations can wait a half hour.
Two Hours.
Even until morning in many cases.
Your chances of successful and peaceful conflict resolution greatly increase when you share the conversation while you are both in calm emotional states.
I understand it is a challenge.
The blessing of a new child comes with its own share of new stresses, and learning to effectively communicate about those stresses is abundantly valuable in this new life.
As you will surely see, when you implement the above concepts, resolving those challenging new conflicts will get a little easier.
