How to Get Your Ex Back - The Post-Breakup Contact
So it's been a while since you and your ex broke up, but you can't forget about the relationship that was.
You've decided you want to get your ex back...
but how do you make that first post-breakup contact? Do it right, and you'll set the stage for a happy reunion...
but do it wrong, and you can end your chances forever.
So how do you make that all-important contact, so you can maximize your chances of winning back your ex? First, you need to make absolutely certain that you've let enough time pass since the breakup.
A good rule of thumb is to wait at least a month...
but it really depends on your situation.
If your relationship ended on a very sour note, you might need quite a bit longer to work through all of the hurt, anger, and other negative emotions.
If you try to make contact before you've come to grips with what happened, you're probably just going to end up making things worse.
The big problem here, of course, is that you don't really know how long it's going to take your ex to deal with the breakup.
If there are huge issue (for example, your ex is coping with infidelity or some other major transgression on your part), then it can take several months before enough healing has occurred.
As long as there wasn't any major wrongdoing, though, a month should be fine.
Now, how do you contact your ex? Well, there are several options - you could stop by; you could call; or you could send a letter or an email.
Each of these methods has its advantages and disadvantages.
Just stopping by works out great if your ex has been longing to see you, and is absolutely ready to restore the relationship.
If that's the case, the two of you can pick up where you left off, and pretend like the breakup never happened.
The problem with this is that it rarely works out that way.
Your ex probably still has some feelings for you, but if things got bad enough for a breakup to occur, then your ex probably isn't going to be too thrilled with you just showing up on his or her doorstep.
He or she will likely even view this behavior as intrusive (and borderline stalker-ish), and is probably just going to get angry with you - not a great way to win back your ex.
In most cases, stopping by is the worst option.
Calling can be a great option if you're sure you can keep your emotions in check.
This is a bit of a gamble, because you might think you'll be fine, but as soon as you hear your ex's voice, your heart might hit your stomach...
and you might fall apart.
So thenyour first post-breakup contact results in you looking like a needy, emotionally imbalanced train wreck.
Not good.
The upside of calling, though, is that it's warm and personal.
As long as you can keep it together, calling is the most effective option.
If you're concerned that you might come unglued if you call your ex, writing a letter is good.
This lets you ponder your words for as long as you need to.
If it doesn't come out right, just grab another piece of paper and start over.
No one has to know.
By the way, real handwriting on real paper is the best way to go...
it's more personal than email, and is more likely to touch your ex's heart.
The downside of sending a letter, though, is that you have to sit around agonizing over how (or if) your ex will respond.
It lacks the immediacy of a phone call - which can be brutal.
Of course, there are those of you who will say that handwriting a letter is passe, and that you should just email.
Well, it's true that your ex will probably get an email much faster than a letter, and can respond more quickly.
Still, if you're going to write instead of calling, I'm in favor of handwriting.
Email is impersonal and a bit cold.
It says, "I don't really care enough to put my heart into this.
" Email if you must, but you're not as likely to be taken seriously.
You've decided you want to get your ex back...
but how do you make that first post-breakup contact? Do it right, and you'll set the stage for a happy reunion...
but do it wrong, and you can end your chances forever.
So how do you make that all-important contact, so you can maximize your chances of winning back your ex? First, you need to make absolutely certain that you've let enough time pass since the breakup.
A good rule of thumb is to wait at least a month...
but it really depends on your situation.
If your relationship ended on a very sour note, you might need quite a bit longer to work through all of the hurt, anger, and other negative emotions.
If you try to make contact before you've come to grips with what happened, you're probably just going to end up making things worse.
The big problem here, of course, is that you don't really know how long it's going to take your ex to deal with the breakup.
If there are huge issue (for example, your ex is coping with infidelity or some other major transgression on your part), then it can take several months before enough healing has occurred.
As long as there wasn't any major wrongdoing, though, a month should be fine.
Now, how do you contact your ex? Well, there are several options - you could stop by; you could call; or you could send a letter or an email.
Each of these methods has its advantages and disadvantages.
Just stopping by works out great if your ex has been longing to see you, and is absolutely ready to restore the relationship.
If that's the case, the two of you can pick up where you left off, and pretend like the breakup never happened.
The problem with this is that it rarely works out that way.
Your ex probably still has some feelings for you, but if things got bad enough for a breakup to occur, then your ex probably isn't going to be too thrilled with you just showing up on his or her doorstep.
He or she will likely even view this behavior as intrusive (and borderline stalker-ish), and is probably just going to get angry with you - not a great way to win back your ex.
In most cases, stopping by is the worst option.
Calling can be a great option if you're sure you can keep your emotions in check.
This is a bit of a gamble, because you might think you'll be fine, but as soon as you hear your ex's voice, your heart might hit your stomach...
and you might fall apart.
So thenyour first post-breakup contact results in you looking like a needy, emotionally imbalanced train wreck.
Not good.
The upside of calling, though, is that it's warm and personal.
As long as you can keep it together, calling is the most effective option.
If you're concerned that you might come unglued if you call your ex, writing a letter is good.
This lets you ponder your words for as long as you need to.
If it doesn't come out right, just grab another piece of paper and start over.
No one has to know.
By the way, real handwriting on real paper is the best way to go...
it's more personal than email, and is more likely to touch your ex's heart.
The downside of sending a letter, though, is that you have to sit around agonizing over how (or if) your ex will respond.
It lacks the immediacy of a phone call - which can be brutal.
Of course, there are those of you who will say that handwriting a letter is passe, and that you should just email.
Well, it's true that your ex will probably get an email much faster than a letter, and can respond more quickly.
Still, if you're going to write instead of calling, I'm in favor of handwriting.
Email is impersonal and a bit cold.
It says, "I don't really care enough to put my heart into this.
" Email if you must, but you're not as likely to be taken seriously.