Getting Back With an Ex - Do You Make These Mistakes?
Are you making things worse after having a talk with your ex? If so, it's probably because human nature is making you react in ways that don't help.
For example, your ex may try to place blame on you for the breakup and perhaps you react in a way that inflames the situation.
If you've been together for any length of time, then he or she probably knows a number of ways to push your buttons.
When this occurs, you can't allow an argument to happen because arguing won't win anyone back.
Here are three mistakes you must avoid if you want to keep things friendly.
Mistake 1 - Getting defensive.
When someone blames you for something, the normal reaction is to defend yourself.
This is especially true if you feel that the accusation is false.
In situations where you are dealing with your ex, this reaction doesn't work.
Being argumentative causes more arguments and increases the frustration.
It just causes him or her to fight even harder to make their point.
You will have to remain calm and work it through.
Try to understand where you ex is coming from and you may see why the accusation was made.
Once you understand the "why" you can work to diffuse the argument.
Often, it isn't necessary to work out a solution, you just need to reassure your ex that you understand.
This should defuse the conflict.
Mistake 2 - Fighting fire with fire.
This mistake goes far beyond merely getting defensive.
Standing toe to toe with your ex and matching his or her anger is the worst thing that you can possibly do.
It will inflame the intensity and emotions of the fight and make it harder to win him or her back.
Always stay calm and express yourself maturely.
Mature doesn't mean substituting cold anger for passionate anger either.
Be very careful not to press his or her buttons when yours get pressed.
Mistake 3 - Failing to admit to being wrong.
When you find that you are completely in the wrong, don't keep quiet about it.
Waiting for time to pass, hoping that the issue will be forgotten won't work.
The problem will not go away on its own and time is not on your side.
Apologize right away before the resentment builds up.
Don't let pride prevent you from doing the right thing.
The three mistakes discussed here are all normal human reactions.
Because of this, they can be all too easy to make in the heat of the moment.
This is especially true if the issue is about something that you're very sensitive about.
A lot of will power and restraint will be required.
Never lose sight of your ultimate goal of getting back with your ex.
For example, your ex may try to place blame on you for the breakup and perhaps you react in a way that inflames the situation.
If you've been together for any length of time, then he or she probably knows a number of ways to push your buttons.
When this occurs, you can't allow an argument to happen because arguing won't win anyone back.
Here are three mistakes you must avoid if you want to keep things friendly.
Mistake 1 - Getting defensive.
When someone blames you for something, the normal reaction is to defend yourself.
This is especially true if you feel that the accusation is false.
In situations where you are dealing with your ex, this reaction doesn't work.
Being argumentative causes more arguments and increases the frustration.
It just causes him or her to fight even harder to make their point.
You will have to remain calm and work it through.
Try to understand where you ex is coming from and you may see why the accusation was made.
Once you understand the "why" you can work to diffuse the argument.
Often, it isn't necessary to work out a solution, you just need to reassure your ex that you understand.
This should defuse the conflict.
Mistake 2 - Fighting fire with fire.
This mistake goes far beyond merely getting defensive.
Standing toe to toe with your ex and matching his or her anger is the worst thing that you can possibly do.
It will inflame the intensity and emotions of the fight and make it harder to win him or her back.
Always stay calm and express yourself maturely.
Mature doesn't mean substituting cold anger for passionate anger either.
Be very careful not to press his or her buttons when yours get pressed.
Mistake 3 - Failing to admit to being wrong.
When you find that you are completely in the wrong, don't keep quiet about it.
Waiting for time to pass, hoping that the issue will be forgotten won't work.
The problem will not go away on its own and time is not on your side.
Apologize right away before the resentment builds up.
Don't let pride prevent you from doing the right thing.
The three mistakes discussed here are all normal human reactions.
Because of this, they can be all too easy to make in the heat of the moment.
This is especially true if the issue is about something that you're very sensitive about.
A lot of will power and restraint will be required.
Never lose sight of your ultimate goal of getting back with your ex.
