We all know someone who likes to complain about their unhappy circumstances.
Sometimes it is our friend who is married to a man who repeatedly cheats on her.
Sometimes it is our friend who constantly seems to be involved with married women.
Sometimes it is our boss who just can't seem to get through to his own drug addicted son/daughter.
Sometimes the complainer or martyr is us.
Loving someone too much, can be a disease.
When we find ourselves full of fear, anxiety and or stress due to worry we find ourselves doing over someone else, we may be co-dependent.
Co-dependency is a term used to describe people who are in love with or who care for drug addicts.
Often times the drug addicts in our lives are so out of control, we find it impossible NOT to worry about them.
We worry about them so much in fact, we lose our selves.
When we obsess about someone, we essentially hand our joy over to someone else.
Our happiness becomes hinged upon whether or not the object of our obsession does what we think they should.
Enablers tend to want to change what they have no control over.
Enablers place themselves at the feet of the addicts in their lives and tolerate matters they should not.
Enablers lack personal boundaries, so when a violation has occurred, often times enablers don't even realize one has taken place.
Enablers encourage dependency.
Addicted to feeling "seen" and "needed", enablers carry on endlessly with worry for the addict in their lives.
It is as if medals of honors were to be handed out in the local supermarket for all their hours of worry.
As if they are declaring to the world, "Look at me.
See how good I am.
See how much I put up with.
" All too often enablers are just as sick as the addicts in their lives.
While addicts are addicted to something outside of themselves, enablers are addicted to the "emotions or feelings", martyrdom creates.
In both cases however, dysfunction is breeding.