Sperm Donation Arrangements Under Review By Authorities - DIY Baby Sperm Donor Sites Examined
Many web sites have cropped up since the creation of FSDW in 2004- apparently the first sperm donor connection web sites in the UK and arguably the most popular worldwide, with almost 2000 successful pregnancies by 2010.
Because the owers of these sites are not involved in the actual sperm donation process they are exempt from the laws governing sperm donation.
However, although they are in it's simplest form connecting like minded people- which is not illegal- they surely have a huge responsibility morally to protect their users.
So why are these sites becoming popular- despite the obvious risks- not only through the use of often untested, and certainly not quarantined and frozen sperm- but also as this issue is currently a very grey area legally.
A man donating his sperm privately can be facing 18 years of financial support if the parent/s take him to court- as the biological father.
Private sperm donation agreement documents are suggested - and more clearly show intent - however the rights of the child are put before the wishes of the donor.
Despite those risks- and more- there is an obvious need for sperm - and the current system isn't meeting that need.
The reason Man Not Included (in the UK) made so much money (and have since been prosecuted) is because there are so many women and couples wanting sperm- and are prepared to pay for it.
However there should be an option to do that - that is also safe for all involved.
Selling fresh sperm can never be the answer.
Should sperm be offered for sale however- that is safe? At the moment it is really only in the US where this is an option.
Part of the reason for a shortage in sperm banks is because of the changes to anonymity laws around the world.
Many men who had been donating through clinics have now stopped because they simply do not want a child knocking on their door at the age of 18.
A child who has been raised by people they have never met- or chosen.
And there lies a major issue re having sperm available for sale, as in the US, where you can order sperm online from several sperm banks and have it shipped to your home address for self-insemination.
Many of the men who donate privately wouldn't donate through these banks - because (unless the system changes) they will still have no say in who they donate to.
So although it might be a good idea in principle clinics would probably still struggle to find the men to help.
Many men speak of wanting to be able to make their own arrangements- and then have the sperm tested, quarantined and stored to be sold only to those they have approved.
Sold at a reasonable price- to cover the screening etc- rather than to make clinics rich.
Many mendo not mind the child knocking on their door at 18 if they know what kind of life the child is likely to have had- and who was raising them.
You will imagine that many men want their biological child- even if not raising them- to be raised by people of the same religion, have the same ideals, possibly even the same political views etc.
Many of the donors donating through private sperm donor sites are as selective regarding who they donate to as are the recipients when they are choosing a donor.
One journalist went undercover and posed as a woman wanting a sperm donor through FSDW.
She told one donor that she drank heavily- to see his reaction- and he told her he wouldn't donate to someone who wasn't able to raise a child in a stable environment etc and told her where to get some help and support! My point being that most of my donors want to help- but are selective- and that ultimately they want to be able to make the choice regarding where their sperm goes to, themselves.
At the moment there is really no-where in the world where that is a valid choice- and where they are also protected legally.
Why shouldn't men be able to offer to help one woman or couple- or several- and sign away their parental rights as with surrogacy and adoption etc.
As with open adoptions why cant donors agree to release information or even keep in touch as a distant uncle- for the benefit of the child- and also be protected by law.
Adults should be able to make their own choices about who they donate their sperm to- and who they want to use as a sperm donor.
As a child behaviour therapist the child is my primary concern- and private arrangements- where the parent/s actually meet- and can possibly keep in touch with - the donor, can have more benefits to the child.
Many of these children are raised by single women and lesbian couples and need to know where they come from.
People can be naive and think that raising a child with love and kindness is enough- all children - whether adopted- or raised by non biological parents in whatever arrangement- need to know their origins.
Just because they aren't raised in a two parent family- or with a positive male role model- it doesn't mean they wont grow up to be independent, self confident and happy members of society- however it does make it more difficult.
Research shows that children from sperm donation raised by lesbian couples do better than by single women- and I am interested to see what other new research will surface.
It is a relatively new area with regards to research and clinical studies- even though it has been happening for centuries.
Imagine if you are a child who cannot find out anything about your biological father until 18- you may have a wonderful life but there will always be questions.
Do I get my quirky personality from him?- does he hate carrots too?- do I get my athleticism from him? etc.
Its who they are- even if not involved with him.
And if women and couples can choose their donor they can offer much more insight to the child- and explain why they chose him.
Again, as a child- wouldn't you want to know that you parent/s actually met him- and chose him- based on his personality, intelligence, kind spirit etc- rather than from a catalogue? Wouldn't you rather tell your friends in the playground at 4 and 5- when asked- 'where is your daddy' -something real- as if you do know who he is even if not involved? So, again, while I support the right for women and couples to buy sperm - safely- there are other issues to consider- mainly relating to the child.
I would like to see a combination of what is happening through well moderated sites like FSDW (where there are clear guidelines to protect all parties) however the actual donation part can be done through a legal channel at a reasonable price.
Ideally through not for profit clinics.
They can decide on who to use- and then go to a clinic and donate just for them.
The recipients would need to wait six months- to know the sperm is safe- but whats six months in the scheme of things? They could then either self-inseminate at home- as you can in the US- or use a clinic if they needed assistance.
Legally the donor would be protected from court action- and the child is never legally his.
So this gives peace of mind to the recipients.
No reason they can't stay in touch after though- and may could be the distant uncle - without the strings- if all parties were in agreement.
There is also the growing demand for sperm for co-parenting arrangements- like an arranged marriage but where people are raising children together without romance.
Again perhaps the man could donate through a clinic for their use only- but this time not relinquish his parental rights- the arrangement would be pre-agreed and legally enforceable.
Like a married couple who have now separated.
I believe that we need to work out how to allow adults to make choices- that are in the best interest of all parties- including the children.
I think the current system works well for recipients- they can get pregnant with no strings, no legal issues- it works well for the small percentage of donors who don't mind not having anonymity- however I don't believe it is a great solution for the children- especially if not raised by a straight couple.
This is because society accepts that situation more readily and there are fewer questions of the child from other children etc On that point please be clear in that I don't believe children do better or worse when raised by straight for gay couples- that is down to the individual couple.
However we can logically assume that children born to a lesbian couple are asked more questions- often innocently - from other children who are just curious.
I would hope that adults can find solutions within their own situation- that meet the needs of the child as fully as possible.
We can make it easier for all involved when there is more knowledge- and this is why meeting up and making an arrangement can be so beneficial to all.
The sex pests journalists are currently talking about in the UK press are to be found everywhere in life.
If women use a safer alternative to free forums- and are approached by a man asking for sex they can report him.
They do not have to accept it.
- they can just report him and keep searching for the ideal man with the same expectations.
If we can find solutions with the authorities then women won't ever need to accept their advances anywhere- however desperate for child they may be.
So rather than just exposing them- and I would hope women would also take ownership for allowing it- we should offer choices for more people- because those 'sex pests' will then be irrelevant- no longer required.
One might also put forward the argument that clinics do need to be 'not for profit'' and there should be an allowance- eg on the NHS or Medicare- for women and couples to access the sperm that has been donated just for them.
If there is a high price - rather than a realistic one (and if you cant afford anything perhaps you cant afford the child yet) then you will again have women turning to anyone you can help- and the sex pests are laughing.
We live in an every changing world where more and more single women, lesbian and infertile couples are demanding that they too be able to experience the job of being a parent.
With that growing demand, we need to find solutions that offer choices- but also protect the rights, health and needs of all involved.
Because the owers of these sites are not involved in the actual sperm donation process they are exempt from the laws governing sperm donation.
However, although they are in it's simplest form connecting like minded people- which is not illegal- they surely have a huge responsibility morally to protect their users.
So why are these sites becoming popular- despite the obvious risks- not only through the use of often untested, and certainly not quarantined and frozen sperm- but also as this issue is currently a very grey area legally.
A man donating his sperm privately can be facing 18 years of financial support if the parent/s take him to court- as the biological father.
Private sperm donation agreement documents are suggested - and more clearly show intent - however the rights of the child are put before the wishes of the donor.
Despite those risks- and more- there is an obvious need for sperm - and the current system isn't meeting that need.
The reason Man Not Included (in the UK) made so much money (and have since been prosecuted) is because there are so many women and couples wanting sperm- and are prepared to pay for it.
However there should be an option to do that - that is also safe for all involved.
Selling fresh sperm can never be the answer.
Should sperm be offered for sale however- that is safe? At the moment it is really only in the US where this is an option.
Part of the reason for a shortage in sperm banks is because of the changes to anonymity laws around the world.
Many men who had been donating through clinics have now stopped because they simply do not want a child knocking on their door at the age of 18.
A child who has been raised by people they have never met- or chosen.
And there lies a major issue re having sperm available for sale, as in the US, where you can order sperm online from several sperm banks and have it shipped to your home address for self-insemination.
Many of the men who donate privately wouldn't donate through these banks - because (unless the system changes) they will still have no say in who they donate to.
So although it might be a good idea in principle clinics would probably still struggle to find the men to help.
Many men speak of wanting to be able to make their own arrangements- and then have the sperm tested, quarantined and stored to be sold only to those they have approved.
Sold at a reasonable price- to cover the screening etc- rather than to make clinics rich.
Many mendo not mind the child knocking on their door at 18 if they know what kind of life the child is likely to have had- and who was raising them.
You will imagine that many men want their biological child- even if not raising them- to be raised by people of the same religion, have the same ideals, possibly even the same political views etc.
Many of the donors donating through private sperm donor sites are as selective regarding who they donate to as are the recipients when they are choosing a donor.
One journalist went undercover and posed as a woman wanting a sperm donor through FSDW.
She told one donor that she drank heavily- to see his reaction- and he told her he wouldn't donate to someone who wasn't able to raise a child in a stable environment etc and told her where to get some help and support! My point being that most of my donors want to help- but are selective- and that ultimately they want to be able to make the choice regarding where their sperm goes to, themselves.
At the moment there is really no-where in the world where that is a valid choice- and where they are also protected legally.
Why shouldn't men be able to offer to help one woman or couple- or several- and sign away their parental rights as with surrogacy and adoption etc.
As with open adoptions why cant donors agree to release information or even keep in touch as a distant uncle- for the benefit of the child- and also be protected by law.
Adults should be able to make their own choices about who they donate their sperm to- and who they want to use as a sperm donor.
As a child behaviour therapist the child is my primary concern- and private arrangements- where the parent/s actually meet- and can possibly keep in touch with - the donor, can have more benefits to the child.
Many of these children are raised by single women and lesbian couples and need to know where they come from.
People can be naive and think that raising a child with love and kindness is enough- all children - whether adopted- or raised by non biological parents in whatever arrangement- need to know their origins.
Just because they aren't raised in a two parent family- or with a positive male role model- it doesn't mean they wont grow up to be independent, self confident and happy members of society- however it does make it more difficult.
Research shows that children from sperm donation raised by lesbian couples do better than by single women- and I am interested to see what other new research will surface.
It is a relatively new area with regards to research and clinical studies- even though it has been happening for centuries.
Imagine if you are a child who cannot find out anything about your biological father until 18- you may have a wonderful life but there will always be questions.
Do I get my quirky personality from him?- does he hate carrots too?- do I get my athleticism from him? etc.
Its who they are- even if not involved with him.
And if women and couples can choose their donor they can offer much more insight to the child- and explain why they chose him.
Again, as a child- wouldn't you want to know that you parent/s actually met him- and chose him- based on his personality, intelligence, kind spirit etc- rather than from a catalogue? Wouldn't you rather tell your friends in the playground at 4 and 5- when asked- 'where is your daddy' -something real- as if you do know who he is even if not involved? So, again, while I support the right for women and couples to buy sperm - safely- there are other issues to consider- mainly relating to the child.
I would like to see a combination of what is happening through well moderated sites like FSDW (where there are clear guidelines to protect all parties) however the actual donation part can be done through a legal channel at a reasonable price.
Ideally through not for profit clinics.
They can decide on who to use- and then go to a clinic and donate just for them.
The recipients would need to wait six months- to know the sperm is safe- but whats six months in the scheme of things? They could then either self-inseminate at home- as you can in the US- or use a clinic if they needed assistance.
Legally the donor would be protected from court action- and the child is never legally his.
So this gives peace of mind to the recipients.
No reason they can't stay in touch after though- and may could be the distant uncle - without the strings- if all parties were in agreement.
There is also the growing demand for sperm for co-parenting arrangements- like an arranged marriage but where people are raising children together without romance.
Again perhaps the man could donate through a clinic for their use only- but this time not relinquish his parental rights- the arrangement would be pre-agreed and legally enforceable.
Like a married couple who have now separated.
I believe that we need to work out how to allow adults to make choices- that are in the best interest of all parties- including the children.
I think the current system works well for recipients- they can get pregnant with no strings, no legal issues- it works well for the small percentage of donors who don't mind not having anonymity- however I don't believe it is a great solution for the children- especially if not raised by a straight couple.
This is because society accepts that situation more readily and there are fewer questions of the child from other children etc On that point please be clear in that I don't believe children do better or worse when raised by straight for gay couples- that is down to the individual couple.
However we can logically assume that children born to a lesbian couple are asked more questions- often innocently - from other children who are just curious.
I would hope that adults can find solutions within their own situation- that meet the needs of the child as fully as possible.
We can make it easier for all involved when there is more knowledge- and this is why meeting up and making an arrangement can be so beneficial to all.
The sex pests journalists are currently talking about in the UK press are to be found everywhere in life.
If women use a safer alternative to free forums- and are approached by a man asking for sex they can report him.
They do not have to accept it.
- they can just report him and keep searching for the ideal man with the same expectations.
If we can find solutions with the authorities then women won't ever need to accept their advances anywhere- however desperate for child they may be.
So rather than just exposing them- and I would hope women would also take ownership for allowing it- we should offer choices for more people- because those 'sex pests' will then be irrelevant- no longer required.
One might also put forward the argument that clinics do need to be 'not for profit'' and there should be an allowance- eg on the NHS or Medicare- for women and couples to access the sperm that has been donated just for them.
If there is a high price - rather than a realistic one (and if you cant afford anything perhaps you cant afford the child yet) then you will again have women turning to anyone you can help- and the sex pests are laughing.
We live in an every changing world where more and more single women, lesbian and infertile couples are demanding that they too be able to experience the job of being a parent.
With that growing demand, we need to find solutions that offer choices- but also protect the rights, health and needs of all involved.
