Why do women have such a hard time making a decision on when a relationship should end? And if she does finally make that decision then why does she doubt herself, repeat herself and perhaps even let herself down by going back into what has failed? Recently I have been bombarded by women who cannot seem to make a final decision even though they have decided that they need to do something.
Women who have left the relationship already, yet still question whether they should go back; women who should have left the relationship already, yet still wonder if they may regret it; women who know better, yet act as if they cannot make a decision.
Why is this? Why this weakness? Why this self-doubt? I think there are a number of factors at play here, a number of smaller issues that boil down to one big issue - basically, once a woman has made a decision to be with a man, once she has 'fallen' for him, then that's it, it is almost a lifetime investment that plays on her mind even if the relationship ends, that she will work at even if he gives up, that means she will cherish their initial love even when he is long gone.
And I have worked out why - men are like children in many ways, we want what we want when we want it and once we have it we may keep it or we may discard it for a new one.
Women, more often than not, will cherish their men like they cherish their children and therefore they view their relationships as long term, life time commitments; so even if he wants to end it, or she finally realizes it's a toxic situation, the woman will still feel the concern, love and nurturing qualities that she decided to invest in him in the beginning; and this is why women have such a hard time making that final decision, this is why they cannot ever quite let go, this is why men have to endure stalker ex-girlfriends, or new girlfriends who won't shut up about their ex-boyfriend(s).
I am aware that there are stalker men, controlling men, psychotic men; but this is not the point right now, these men are not lacking in the decision making process, they are simply making the wrong decision and they are allowing their ego to control their unacceptable behavior.
With the female of the species, we are finding that they cannot let go even when the whole toxic thing has sunk, they still hold on, harp on and hope that it will (one day) be back to where it was when he was on his sales pitch.
Now, I understand that men 'sell' themselves to women early on, they court their women, they impress them and they say the right things, they put their best foot forward and they often give off a false sense of gallantry or decency that they may not display later on in the relationship.
And I understand why a woman would fall for this behavior, why she may allow herself to fall for this man, why she may invest herself in him, hoping for that soul mate she has been searching for.
What I do not understand is the total lack of awareness that women seem to display once the mask is gone, once the man is showing his true colors, once the whole edifice is crumbling and she is left standing there holding up a roof with no walls - I do not and cannot understand or accept the clear ignorance displayed by women who are shown the real man, are failed by the real man and are made to feel unloved and useless by the real man, yet they still keep fighting and they still keep hoping and wishing that he (the initial salesman) will return to save the day, they still question whether he might have been 'the one', despite his clear and unequivocal signals that show who he truly is and what he truly thinks.
And I am now at the end of the road with this stupidity, I am bored of hearing the 'what if", the 'do you think', the 'perhaps one day' or the 'I think I made a mistake' comments that women keep repeating to me whether they are talking about the guy they split up with last week or the man they were in love with when they were both teenagers - it is boring, sad, pathetic, ignorant, unobservant, ridiculous, annoying and detrimental to the standing of women everywhere that they seem to doubt their decisions and seem to be able to put a spin of positivity on even the worst situation, the most awful relationship or the most abusive man they were ever with.
It is now time to make a decision based on the facts, not on the fiction or the fantasy or the fairytale that you were initially sold.
He is not coming back and you need to move on knowing that it is done.
For good.
And if you go back then you are a fool and he will play you for the fool that you are.
Please, in the future, starting today, make the right decision and stick to it.