How To Fight So Your Relationship Wins
Arguments can actually be good for relationships.
They allow couples to air their differences and learn more about each other.
When they are handled with respect, both parties can "win" regardless of the outcome.
So, how can you fight so your relationship wins? It all comes down to using good communication skills and following the rules of fair engagement.
When issues, disputes, or concerns arise, it is best to address them as quickly as possible.
There are two caveats, however: • When anger is high: If tempers are flaring and you or your partner can't "think straight," it's not a good time to discuss disputes.
Take a cooling off period and come back to the problem when you're both calmer.
• When there isn't enough time: Trying to resolve a dispute five minutes before you have to leave for work isn't the best idea.
When you're rushed, you run the risk of leaving important things unsaid.
Make arrangements to discuss your concerns when there is more time.
Later in the evening, after the kids go to bed, for example, you'll be better able to give your conversation the attention it deserves.
Once you have time to work through disagreements and both you and your partner have calmed down, use good communication skills to handle the dispute while abiding by the following guidelines: • Clearly air the grievance: State the problem calmly and clearly, without accusation or anger.
Rather than say, "If you spend another dime, I'm throwing you out," opt for, "We need to work together to cut our expenses down.
" • Listen to the response: One of the most important communication skills is good listening.
Give your partner time to respond and listen respectfully, refraining from jumping in and interrupting.
• Rephrase the response: To ensure that you and your partner understand each other, paraphrase the response.
This will also show your partner that you were truly listening.
• Work together on resolutions: Take turns bringing up ideas to resolve the concern.
Remain calm and respectful as you explore possible solutions.
Remember, every argument is different.
In some cases, you will "win", while in others your partner's viewpoint will prevail.
In other situations, you may reach a compromise.
The outcome doesn't necessarily matter as long as an agreeable resolution is reached.
You may even agree to disagree.
• Stick to the topic at hand: When grievances are being aired, don't cloud the water with other problems.
Stick to the topic, work on a resolution, take a breather, and then tackle the next issue if there is one.
Also, refrain from bringing up previous arguments, as doing so only damages your credibility on the current issue.
If the problem hasn't been resolved, however, you can bring it up at a later time as its own concern.
• Do not name call - Harsh words used in the heat of the moment can hurt more deeply than you know.
Once unkind or spiteful words are spoken, they cannot be taken back.
Avoid name calling at all costs and show respect for your partner while airing disputes.
Disagreements are bound to happen.
When they are handled with respect and trust, they can strengthen bonds and develop the teamwork skills that are required in long-term relationships.
When you work together to solve issues, both you and your partner will benefit.
If your partner isn't agreeable to working out issues right now, follow the rules of communication and fair engagement yourself.
You may find your partner reciprocating without his or her even realizing it.
They allow couples to air their differences and learn more about each other.
When they are handled with respect, both parties can "win" regardless of the outcome.
So, how can you fight so your relationship wins? It all comes down to using good communication skills and following the rules of fair engagement.
When issues, disputes, or concerns arise, it is best to address them as quickly as possible.
There are two caveats, however: • When anger is high: If tempers are flaring and you or your partner can't "think straight," it's not a good time to discuss disputes.
Take a cooling off period and come back to the problem when you're both calmer.
• When there isn't enough time: Trying to resolve a dispute five minutes before you have to leave for work isn't the best idea.
When you're rushed, you run the risk of leaving important things unsaid.
Make arrangements to discuss your concerns when there is more time.
Later in the evening, after the kids go to bed, for example, you'll be better able to give your conversation the attention it deserves.
Once you have time to work through disagreements and both you and your partner have calmed down, use good communication skills to handle the dispute while abiding by the following guidelines: • Clearly air the grievance: State the problem calmly and clearly, without accusation or anger.
Rather than say, "If you spend another dime, I'm throwing you out," opt for, "We need to work together to cut our expenses down.
" • Listen to the response: One of the most important communication skills is good listening.
Give your partner time to respond and listen respectfully, refraining from jumping in and interrupting.
• Rephrase the response: To ensure that you and your partner understand each other, paraphrase the response.
This will also show your partner that you were truly listening.
• Work together on resolutions: Take turns bringing up ideas to resolve the concern.
Remain calm and respectful as you explore possible solutions.
Remember, every argument is different.
In some cases, you will "win", while in others your partner's viewpoint will prevail.
In other situations, you may reach a compromise.
The outcome doesn't necessarily matter as long as an agreeable resolution is reached.
You may even agree to disagree.
• Stick to the topic at hand: When grievances are being aired, don't cloud the water with other problems.
Stick to the topic, work on a resolution, take a breather, and then tackle the next issue if there is one.
Also, refrain from bringing up previous arguments, as doing so only damages your credibility on the current issue.
If the problem hasn't been resolved, however, you can bring it up at a later time as its own concern.
• Do not name call - Harsh words used in the heat of the moment can hurt more deeply than you know.
Once unkind or spiteful words are spoken, they cannot be taken back.
Avoid name calling at all costs and show respect for your partner while airing disputes.
Disagreements are bound to happen.
When they are handled with respect and trust, they can strengthen bonds and develop the teamwork skills that are required in long-term relationships.
When you work together to solve issues, both you and your partner will benefit.
If your partner isn't agreeable to working out issues right now, follow the rules of communication and fair engagement yourself.
You may find your partner reciprocating without his or her even realizing it.
