How To Save Your Marriage So You Can Live Happily Ever After
You fell in love and came to the point where you decided that you wanted to commit to spend the rest of your lives with each other. You became engaged, shared the "happy news" with everyone you could, showed off the ring that would be a symbol of your love forever, and then were married in a ceremony where you made vows that you both intended to keep for all time.
Somewhere something went awry, and now you are in a place where you are grasping for ways to save a marriage that you thought would be forever. While it's true that some marriages just will not work, the mere fact that you are reading these words gives me hope that yours is not one of those. Are you ready to dig in and make magic happen? To save a marriage is not like saving a dog that's fallen into a pit. It is a process that takes time and will probably be met with much resistance. Your first response to that resistance might be to throw in the towel and call it "quits." After all, it takes two to make a marriage work. Right? Not exactly.
The resistance might have its foundation in unbelief. It may also have its foundation in fear of breaking down barriers, a.k.a. self-defense mechanisms. Or it may have its foundation in a belief that the grass is greener in other pastures. If you truly want to save marriage covenant you have made, ignore the resistance. You need to do the things you know that you ought to do. Do not worry about the results. It is easier to save marriage when the results are not constantly being evaluated.
Whatever reasons your marriage is not working right now, it is most likely the result of unmet needs. First consider that the goal is not to save marriage, but it is to create an environment within marriage that will result in "happily ever after." To do this, you need to learn how to communicate your needs and understand your mate's needs on the most basic of levels.
A man's needs and a woman's needs are related, but they are very different in fulfillment. Once you realize the needs you each have, to save your marriage, you must honestly explore how those needs have been neglected or misunderstood. Please note upfront that this is a basic list of the most common needs of men and women. However, you need to invest the time, emotions, and energy to determine what the true basic needs are in your marriage.
A man's basic needs are sexual fulfillment, someone to be his companion in recreational activities, a wife who does the best she can to look attractive to him, a peaceful, well running home environment, and to be admired and praised as a man.
A woman's basic needs are affection outside of sexual settings, the ability to trust that her husband is being honest and open with her, regular communication in the form of engaged conversations, a husband committed to his family as a good husband and father, and financial support and security.
If you begin by addressing these issues, you will save your marriage more effectively than almost anything else. Communication of these issues is the key. Do not fight, accuse, or transfer blame. Just get to the bottom of the issues and do what you know you need to do consistently without any regard to your spouse's receptiveness and reciprocity. If your goal is to save your marriage, make sure you are doing the right things first. Eventually your spouse will trust that you are committed and will come around. Once the marriage is back on track, have regular check up and evaluation dates to make sure you are both still having your needs met. This will likely result in the happily ever after that you planned on when you first said your "I do's."
Somewhere something went awry, and now you are in a place where you are grasping for ways to save a marriage that you thought would be forever. While it's true that some marriages just will not work, the mere fact that you are reading these words gives me hope that yours is not one of those. Are you ready to dig in and make magic happen? To save a marriage is not like saving a dog that's fallen into a pit. It is a process that takes time and will probably be met with much resistance. Your first response to that resistance might be to throw in the towel and call it "quits." After all, it takes two to make a marriage work. Right? Not exactly.
The resistance might have its foundation in unbelief. It may also have its foundation in fear of breaking down barriers, a.k.a. self-defense mechanisms. Or it may have its foundation in a belief that the grass is greener in other pastures. If you truly want to save marriage covenant you have made, ignore the resistance. You need to do the things you know that you ought to do. Do not worry about the results. It is easier to save marriage when the results are not constantly being evaluated.
Whatever reasons your marriage is not working right now, it is most likely the result of unmet needs. First consider that the goal is not to save marriage, but it is to create an environment within marriage that will result in "happily ever after." To do this, you need to learn how to communicate your needs and understand your mate's needs on the most basic of levels.
A man's needs and a woman's needs are related, but they are very different in fulfillment. Once you realize the needs you each have, to save your marriage, you must honestly explore how those needs have been neglected or misunderstood. Please note upfront that this is a basic list of the most common needs of men and women. However, you need to invest the time, emotions, and energy to determine what the true basic needs are in your marriage.
A man's basic needs are sexual fulfillment, someone to be his companion in recreational activities, a wife who does the best she can to look attractive to him, a peaceful, well running home environment, and to be admired and praised as a man.
A woman's basic needs are affection outside of sexual settings, the ability to trust that her husband is being honest and open with her, regular communication in the form of engaged conversations, a husband committed to his family as a good husband and father, and financial support and security.
If you begin by addressing these issues, you will save your marriage more effectively than almost anything else. Communication of these issues is the key. Do not fight, accuse, or transfer blame. Just get to the bottom of the issues and do what you know you need to do consistently without any regard to your spouse's receptiveness and reciprocity. If your goal is to save your marriage, make sure you are doing the right things first. Eventually your spouse will trust that you are committed and will come around. Once the marriage is back on track, have regular check up and evaluation dates to make sure you are both still having your needs met. This will likely result in the happily ever after that you planned on when you first said your "I do's."
