What Is Your Relationship Number?
Hooray! Summer is here, and Love is in the air!
For couples, it is time to get out for some quality romance time, and to rekindle the flames of your original love relationship. We in southern NJ just can't wait for summer - to get outdoors, hear the music at the decks, enjoy the sun and fun at the beach, and to stroll along the boardwalks.
For singles, it is a time to be more daring and meet new people LIVE - in person, and off the dating sites! If you are dating and meet someone special, you may start wondering "where your relationship status lies" as you continue to date. Here is a "Relationship Dial" that can help explain your status:
1) Casual or best friends of the opposite sex - a kiss and hug hello is acceptable, you are just Buddies - plain and simple; the line of sexual intimacy is never crossed. Usually this person is a life-long friend. If you are a couple, your spouse becomes their friend too, and there is no jealousy or uncomfortable feelings that "one person wants more."
2) Friends with Benefits - A "newer" term that developed in the past ten years. This involves two friends who have become sexually intimate together, but clearly have no desire to ever have an exclusive love relationship. However, many women consider this disrespectful and want no parts of it. It can really mess up a quality friendship as well, because usually one person wants more in the relationship, and secretly hope it becomes exclusive. I advice to skip this one all together!
3) New Relationship Status - Two people meet - there is chemistry, fun, and attraction - once they get to talking, they feel something more as they discover really who the person is from their heart, life's journey, and future intentions. Kisses are shared, and there are sparks! A possibility for a deeper relationship is seen by both, but it is too new to tell. At this stage you start thinking about them constantly, talking and texting throughout the day and you feel so alive! That is the chemistry in your brain spiking: a combination of the Phenylalanine, Dopamine, and Serotonin racing in your brain. Both believe the other person is quite special as feelings become deeper, and conversations more meaningful. Both wonder, "Could there be more to this?"
Try to slow down; really get to know your partner before becoming intimate, especially if you REALLY like them and hope for a life-long relationship. The "90-day" rule should be strived for - get to know each other over 90 days to see if this is "for real." Both people usually put their best foot forward, but within this time period, eventually you see “the real human being.†Any personality quirks or negative tendencies will start to emerge, so be alert for them. Men are prone to want sex quickly; so women, it is up to you to slow down the pace of the relationship, and hold off being sexual as long as possible. If he really likes you, he will wait until you are ready for intimacy, and never push you to be sexual.
4) New Intimate Relationship - When the couple above progresses to sexual intimacy they become more open and free with each other. Both feel they can "be themselves" and feel safe in sharing their deepest fears and emotions. They need more time to get to know each other in-depth, and they both decide this is worth extra effort. They have to be careful that this relationship is not only about the great sex - once that line has been crossed. Being intimate too early often "tricks the mind" into thinking there is more to the relationship then there really is.
5) Exclusive Relationship - Yes! This is GREAT, and BOTH feel they want this relationship to happen. Both would like to be out of the dating scene, and dedicate their time and energy to only the other person to see where their relationship will go. They call each other their partner or - girlfriend/boyfriend (still the socially accepted term) - to others, and upon introduction. They start introducing this person to friends and family. They talk real and open about where they are in life, and how this relationship could really work. They make plans for a future, and share concerns, financial/personal/business goals and how this could all come together, despite any obstacles. Both are supportive of the other, and are patient because they see a future together. They easily express their love with words and actions. Communication is frequent, and romance is enjoyed - by both partners giving and receiving these special acts of affection.
6) The Long-Term Relationship - An engagement, marriage or civil union occurs. It is official, Congratulations! Now is the time to really appreciate your partner, and work as a union to ensure relationship success. It takes two people to have a fabulous bond. Do not get lazy, be sure to carve at least one (two is preferred) date night a week (and really dress sharp for each other!). Be creative in your sexual life, and don't get into boring, sexual patterns. Mini-escapes and vacations are perfect for this.
Of course, at any time you are feeling your relationship is going in a bad direction, seek the guidance of a Certified Relationship Coach or Couples Therapist [https://play.google.com/stor/apps/details?id=com.app_mycoach.layout&hl=en] as soon as possible. Don’t wait until it is too late! Both partners should be aware of what an Evolved Relationship looks like, versus a Toxic one. This is fully explained in my book, Live Beyond Your Dreams - from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success; chapter 8 for Couples. Good Luck and Great Love!
For couples, it is time to get out for some quality romance time, and to rekindle the flames of your original love relationship. We in southern NJ just can't wait for summer - to get outdoors, hear the music at the decks, enjoy the sun and fun at the beach, and to stroll along the boardwalks.
For singles, it is a time to be more daring and meet new people LIVE - in person, and off the dating sites! If you are dating and meet someone special, you may start wondering "where your relationship status lies" as you continue to date. Here is a "Relationship Dial" that can help explain your status:
1) Casual or best friends of the opposite sex - a kiss and hug hello is acceptable, you are just Buddies - plain and simple; the line of sexual intimacy is never crossed. Usually this person is a life-long friend. If you are a couple, your spouse becomes their friend too, and there is no jealousy or uncomfortable feelings that "one person wants more."
2) Friends with Benefits - A "newer" term that developed in the past ten years. This involves two friends who have become sexually intimate together, but clearly have no desire to ever have an exclusive love relationship. However, many women consider this disrespectful and want no parts of it. It can really mess up a quality friendship as well, because usually one person wants more in the relationship, and secretly hope it becomes exclusive. I advice to skip this one all together!
3) New Relationship Status - Two people meet - there is chemistry, fun, and attraction - once they get to talking, they feel something more as they discover really who the person is from their heart, life's journey, and future intentions. Kisses are shared, and there are sparks! A possibility for a deeper relationship is seen by both, but it is too new to tell. At this stage you start thinking about them constantly, talking and texting throughout the day and you feel so alive! That is the chemistry in your brain spiking: a combination of the Phenylalanine, Dopamine, and Serotonin racing in your brain. Both believe the other person is quite special as feelings become deeper, and conversations more meaningful. Both wonder, "Could there be more to this?"
Try to slow down; really get to know your partner before becoming intimate, especially if you REALLY like them and hope for a life-long relationship. The "90-day" rule should be strived for - get to know each other over 90 days to see if this is "for real." Both people usually put their best foot forward, but within this time period, eventually you see “the real human being.†Any personality quirks or negative tendencies will start to emerge, so be alert for them. Men are prone to want sex quickly; so women, it is up to you to slow down the pace of the relationship, and hold off being sexual as long as possible. If he really likes you, he will wait until you are ready for intimacy, and never push you to be sexual.
4) New Intimate Relationship - When the couple above progresses to sexual intimacy they become more open and free with each other. Both feel they can "be themselves" and feel safe in sharing their deepest fears and emotions. They need more time to get to know each other in-depth, and they both decide this is worth extra effort. They have to be careful that this relationship is not only about the great sex - once that line has been crossed. Being intimate too early often "tricks the mind" into thinking there is more to the relationship then there really is.
5) Exclusive Relationship - Yes! This is GREAT, and BOTH feel they want this relationship to happen. Both would like to be out of the dating scene, and dedicate their time and energy to only the other person to see where their relationship will go. They call each other their partner or - girlfriend/boyfriend (still the socially accepted term) - to others, and upon introduction. They start introducing this person to friends and family. They talk real and open about where they are in life, and how this relationship could really work. They make plans for a future, and share concerns, financial/personal/business goals and how this could all come together, despite any obstacles. Both are supportive of the other, and are patient because they see a future together. They easily express their love with words and actions. Communication is frequent, and romance is enjoyed - by both partners giving and receiving these special acts of affection.
6) The Long-Term Relationship - An engagement, marriage or civil union occurs. It is official, Congratulations! Now is the time to really appreciate your partner, and work as a union to ensure relationship success. It takes two people to have a fabulous bond. Do not get lazy, be sure to carve at least one (two is preferred) date night a week (and really dress sharp for each other!). Be creative in your sexual life, and don't get into boring, sexual patterns. Mini-escapes and vacations are perfect for this.
Of course, at any time you are feeling your relationship is going in a bad direction, seek the guidance of a Certified Relationship Coach or Couples Therapist [https://play.google.com/stor/apps/details?id=com.app_mycoach.layout&hl=en] as soon as possible. Don’t wait until it is too late! Both partners should be aware of what an Evolved Relationship looks like, versus a Toxic one. This is fully explained in my book, Live Beyond Your Dreams - from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success; chapter 8 for Couples. Good Luck and Great Love!
