How to Forgive
Forgiveness The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
" (Thomas S Szasz Hungarian psychologist) In my mind there are two types of forgiveness.
Forgiveness for yourself and forgiveness for others! For a lot of people forgiveness is a difficult task.
Sometimes things occur between us and another person and we can become angry, resentful, bitter and obsessed.
Forgiveness is often a spiritually viewed topic, there are many sermons given on forgiveness because it was one of jesus's teachings.
Sometimes we act in a way which we beat ourselves up for, and swear that we'll never do that again.
Even though we naturally move on from this point our mind can still replay the event randomly.
When you forgive your mind lets go and forgets the self-blame and guilt associated with the memory.
What's the point of forgiving? When you forgive another person, you no longer allow their behavior to be a main focus in your life.
You try to let go of the anger, pain, bitterness, or resentment you feel for them.
When you choose not to forgive, you make the choice to hold on to your feelings of resentment, anger, and pain.
These sorts of feelings can cripple your future experiences and these emotions can interrupt the development of emotions with new experiences.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are giving permission for their behaviour.
When you forgive yourself it doesn't mean that you are allowing yourself to act a certain way again.
Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to accept the fact that all people make mistakes, and it's through mistakes that we learn lessons in life.
Some people repeat their mistakes over and over, but most people learn from their mistakes.
It's about letting go of the feelings associated with mistakes.
I'm not saying that you won't still feel a little hurt from yours or someone elses mistakes but it definitely won't be holding you back from peace in your life.
Also imbalance is caused when we give expectations to others behaviour that's higher or lower than our own.
If we do not view others and ourselves with the same amount of expectations and act accordingly, then we may be blocking the gateway to forgiveness.
The first thing to do is to look at the situation from another persons point of view 'realistically' and with your behaviour think about whether someone else would've acted in a similar way.
Even better ask yourself "what would I say to another person who acted the way I did in the same situation?" or if your issues is with another person ask yourself "what would I say to them if I wasn't involved in the situation?" There is no easy road to forgiveness it takes time, love (for yourself and others) and keeping an eye on your thinking.
Steps in moving forward into the forgiven stage.
Steps to forgiveness Well for starters, with something that is really painful there are associated painful emotions.
No-one really likes feeling painful emotions but they are there for a reason.
So instead of suppressing your emotions and not feeling them let them surface and embrace them.
If this isn't done they're more like to continue to remain underneath the surface instead of letting them go.
The thoughts that you have been suppressing will eventually cause you more hurt then good.
Anger is an emotion, and when suppressed, will show itself in other ways.
The only thing you can do is recognise your emotions, don't fight them but vent them in a way that is 'socially acceptable' A good way to let go of past hurt to yourself and others is to write a letter but don't post it.
Make it a letter telling them or yourself how they hurt you and how much they made an impact in your life.
Write about the good and the bad and then burn the letter almost ritualistic.
As the letter burns visualise negative emotions burning away with it.
Yes this sounds absolutely strange but visualisation is a VERY VERY powerful emotional tool.
Just remember in most situations there are two parties at fault.
Try to think of your part in the situation but please don't beat yourself up.
The more awareness you have of what happened than the easier it will be to see that things happen and that people make mistakes.
A good strategy that I also like is to think of when you hurt another person.
And think about the guilt that you felt and how much you regretted it.
In this way you might have some insight into another persons perspective.
Make a list of the positive aspects of your relationship with the person who hurt you.
There must have been something positive, or you wouldn't have participated in it.
This helps you regain some perspective and not paint the picture in completely negative terms.
Sometimes the person you need to forgive is you.
You can begin to forgive yourself by realizing that when you made the mistake, you did not set out deliberately to hurt another person.
If you had known how to make better choices, you would have.
You did the best you could at the time.
Forgiveness takes practice.
The idea of this article is to help you be kinder to yourself and to take charge of your life and where you want it to lead.
By learning to forgive we can pass these tools to others and our children.
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then to discover that that prisoner was you" (Lewis B Smedes)
" (Thomas S Szasz Hungarian psychologist) In my mind there are two types of forgiveness.
Forgiveness for yourself and forgiveness for others! For a lot of people forgiveness is a difficult task.
Sometimes things occur between us and another person and we can become angry, resentful, bitter and obsessed.
Forgiveness is often a spiritually viewed topic, there are many sermons given on forgiveness because it was one of jesus's teachings.
Sometimes we act in a way which we beat ourselves up for, and swear that we'll never do that again.
Even though we naturally move on from this point our mind can still replay the event randomly.
When you forgive your mind lets go and forgets the self-blame and guilt associated with the memory.
What's the point of forgiving? When you forgive another person, you no longer allow their behavior to be a main focus in your life.
You try to let go of the anger, pain, bitterness, or resentment you feel for them.
When you choose not to forgive, you make the choice to hold on to your feelings of resentment, anger, and pain.
These sorts of feelings can cripple your future experiences and these emotions can interrupt the development of emotions with new experiences.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are giving permission for their behaviour.
When you forgive yourself it doesn't mean that you are allowing yourself to act a certain way again.
Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to accept the fact that all people make mistakes, and it's through mistakes that we learn lessons in life.
Some people repeat their mistakes over and over, but most people learn from their mistakes.
It's about letting go of the feelings associated with mistakes.
I'm not saying that you won't still feel a little hurt from yours or someone elses mistakes but it definitely won't be holding you back from peace in your life.
Also imbalance is caused when we give expectations to others behaviour that's higher or lower than our own.
If we do not view others and ourselves with the same amount of expectations and act accordingly, then we may be blocking the gateway to forgiveness.
The first thing to do is to look at the situation from another persons point of view 'realistically' and with your behaviour think about whether someone else would've acted in a similar way.
Even better ask yourself "what would I say to another person who acted the way I did in the same situation?" or if your issues is with another person ask yourself "what would I say to them if I wasn't involved in the situation?" There is no easy road to forgiveness it takes time, love (for yourself and others) and keeping an eye on your thinking.
Steps in moving forward into the forgiven stage.
Steps to forgiveness Well for starters, with something that is really painful there are associated painful emotions.
No-one really likes feeling painful emotions but they are there for a reason.
So instead of suppressing your emotions and not feeling them let them surface and embrace them.
If this isn't done they're more like to continue to remain underneath the surface instead of letting them go.
The thoughts that you have been suppressing will eventually cause you more hurt then good.
Anger is an emotion, and when suppressed, will show itself in other ways.
The only thing you can do is recognise your emotions, don't fight them but vent them in a way that is 'socially acceptable' A good way to let go of past hurt to yourself and others is to write a letter but don't post it.
Make it a letter telling them or yourself how they hurt you and how much they made an impact in your life.
Write about the good and the bad and then burn the letter almost ritualistic.
As the letter burns visualise negative emotions burning away with it.
Yes this sounds absolutely strange but visualisation is a VERY VERY powerful emotional tool.
Just remember in most situations there are two parties at fault.
Try to think of your part in the situation but please don't beat yourself up.
The more awareness you have of what happened than the easier it will be to see that things happen and that people make mistakes.
A good strategy that I also like is to think of when you hurt another person.
And think about the guilt that you felt and how much you regretted it.
In this way you might have some insight into another persons perspective.
Make a list of the positive aspects of your relationship with the person who hurt you.
There must have been something positive, or you wouldn't have participated in it.
This helps you regain some perspective and not paint the picture in completely negative terms.
Sometimes the person you need to forgive is you.
You can begin to forgive yourself by realizing that when you made the mistake, you did not set out deliberately to hurt another person.
If you had known how to make better choices, you would have.
You did the best you could at the time.
Forgiveness takes practice.
The idea of this article is to help you be kinder to yourself and to take charge of your life and where you want it to lead.
By learning to forgive we can pass these tools to others and our children.
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then to discover that that prisoner was you" (Lewis B Smedes)
