Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost?
I read the story of Marcia and Seneca today.
During the time of Caligula in Rome, Marcia lost her son just before he turned 25 in a war.
Three years after he was killed, Marcia was still as grief-stricken as she was the day she found out.
Seneca was a philosopher who sent Marcia a letter saying "The question at issue is whether grief ought to be deep or never-ending".
Feeling grief deeply is allowed and should be more commonly recognised as a need in life.
But we have to give ourselves permission to grieve.
All too many times this is not the case, and people carry the weight of bereavement around for years not really knowing or understanding what it is that keeps dragging them down.
Feeling a deep grief for a short amount of time is natural, and after an appropriate amount of time that feeling begins to be less deep, and we can pick ourselves back up and continue on our journey of life.
It is difficult, next to impossible to define how long this period should last as it depends on the fragility of the person and the depth and quality of the relationship that has been lost.
However, feeling grief forever is not what we are supposed to do.
After the initial shock of the loss, one of the side effects of feeling grief in our bodies is a feeling of being alive.
We block everything else out and become just about the feelings: this can be addictive as it is nice to shut the outside world off for a while.
When grief is prolonged, it seeps into our bones and becomes our identity.
We form new habits around it, it is like a warm, familiar blanket, maybe not too comfortable, but safe, in a strange kind of way.
When prolonged grief has occurred, having the ability to lift the blanket of grief aside when the time comes, can be incredibly difficult.
This is where shamanic work is so powerful.
In a graceful way, shamanism helps you shed the heaviness, embrace new light and move on with your life.
It does not mean that you never felt the grief, no, instead it means that you are somehow different, changed, because of it.
You can leave the heaviness behind and live your life in a transformed way, all the better for having met, loved and lost.
During the time of Caligula in Rome, Marcia lost her son just before he turned 25 in a war.
Three years after he was killed, Marcia was still as grief-stricken as she was the day she found out.
Seneca was a philosopher who sent Marcia a letter saying "The question at issue is whether grief ought to be deep or never-ending".
Feeling grief deeply is allowed and should be more commonly recognised as a need in life.
But we have to give ourselves permission to grieve.
All too many times this is not the case, and people carry the weight of bereavement around for years not really knowing or understanding what it is that keeps dragging them down.
Feeling a deep grief for a short amount of time is natural, and after an appropriate amount of time that feeling begins to be less deep, and we can pick ourselves back up and continue on our journey of life.
It is difficult, next to impossible to define how long this period should last as it depends on the fragility of the person and the depth and quality of the relationship that has been lost.
However, feeling grief forever is not what we are supposed to do.
After the initial shock of the loss, one of the side effects of feeling grief in our bodies is a feeling of being alive.
We block everything else out and become just about the feelings: this can be addictive as it is nice to shut the outside world off for a while.
When grief is prolonged, it seeps into our bones and becomes our identity.
We form new habits around it, it is like a warm, familiar blanket, maybe not too comfortable, but safe, in a strange kind of way.
When prolonged grief has occurred, having the ability to lift the blanket of grief aside when the time comes, can be incredibly difficult.
This is where shamanic work is so powerful.
In a graceful way, shamanism helps you shed the heaviness, embrace new light and move on with your life.
It does not mean that you never felt the grief, no, instead it means that you are somehow different, changed, because of it.
You can leave the heaviness behind and live your life in a transformed way, all the better for having met, loved and lost.
