Should You Use Traditional Wedding Vows or Write Your Own Vows?
If you've attended a wedding ceremony recently, you may have noticed that couples these days are choosing to write their own wedding vows as opposed to reading the traditional vows presented by their pastor, priest or society.
Some would say that this is a symbolic shift and one that challenges the traditional trend of a couple conforming to marriage as presented by the society, and sets apart the modern couple by conforming marriage to them.
The old vows existed for many years and were presented to new generations as a powerful covenant which exerted a sacred authority and was inflexible and was adhered to until death.
Personalized vows are written by the couple and presented to the society as the couple's position on marriage, and while both approaches hold true, they reflect very divergent views of the reality of marriage.
If you are planning to enter into marriage you may have to choose between the two forms of vows; one characterized by a ceremony of continuity and idealized norms, and one that basically employs creativity and personal expression.
So which will you choose? Personalized vows A personalized wedding vow is simply a subjective projection, and one who's meaning is derived from the couple.
It is not an external reality like the weather or gravity, but it accurately defines the institution as the couple sees it, and it doesn't involve them being accountable to an ideal that seems bigger than themselves.
So what are some of the benefits of writing your own vows? i.
It's more authentic.
Personalized vows are a true reflection of who you are as a person and they are consistent with your own beliefs, values and expectations of the union.
You know the vows by heart because they are you.
ii.
They reflect your commitment.
By taking time to write your own vows, you invest in what will become your future, and the fact that you write it out shows just how aware you are and how committed you are.
iii.
Enhances creativity.
By writing your own vows you are collecting all your hopes and wishes over what you are trying to create in the marriage, and converting those thoughts into possibilities.
iv.
Gives you gravity.
Marriage vows can support you throughout the marriage because they establish a commitment that you can live with, and that makes you mindful of your actions, and solidify all your relationships.
Disadvantage The obvious drawback to writing your own vows is the possibility that it reflects a significant shrinking of your idea of marriage, and lowers a couple's expectation of marital permanence.
Marriage when defined by you, shrinks to whatever you define it to be.
Traditional vows Traditional vows define the marriage as a covenant, not a contract.
The couple acknowledges their part in the establishment of a sacred union and they play out their parts as those before them did.
Such vows have little to do with an individual's position or ideals; it's more a transition to a more meaningful relationship and one that signifies continuity of the ideals held by the society and the couple as well.
Benefits of traditional vows i.
They signify marital permanence.
This is especially distinctive, with the high divorce rates that differentiate modern marriages.
ii.
They recognize the sanctity of marriage.
Covenants that involve concepts of honor and serving the other half tend to hold more weight than personalized promises of staying thin and not burning dinner.
iii.
Traditional covenants become touchstones to remind you of the value and permanence of your commitment, which can sail you through some challenging times.
iv.
History provides a strong example.
While personalized vows reflect a more private union where each marriage is unique, traditional marriage vows operate the other way and when couples have a hard time they can always refer to other successful covenant marriages to learn how they sustained their union.
Disadvantages i.
Impersonal.
One of the main disadvantages of writing traditional vows is the fact that the ceremony may not be as personally meaningful as the couple would prefer.
ii.
More difficult to incorporate different faiths.
Mixed-tradition marriages may present challenges especially when the couples hold conflicting beliefs and traditions.
iii.
Strict and absolute.
Some couples may want to avoid hypocrisy and this can be challenging with traditional vows of sanctity and absoluteness.
In conclusion, marriage holds different meanings among different people and one belief is not necessarily more applicable than another.
Therefore, choose the vows that work for you as a couple, and ones that reflect the life you have chosen for yourselves.
Some would say that this is a symbolic shift and one that challenges the traditional trend of a couple conforming to marriage as presented by the society, and sets apart the modern couple by conforming marriage to them.
The old vows existed for many years and were presented to new generations as a powerful covenant which exerted a sacred authority and was inflexible and was adhered to until death.
Personalized vows are written by the couple and presented to the society as the couple's position on marriage, and while both approaches hold true, they reflect very divergent views of the reality of marriage.
If you are planning to enter into marriage you may have to choose between the two forms of vows; one characterized by a ceremony of continuity and idealized norms, and one that basically employs creativity and personal expression.
So which will you choose? Personalized vows A personalized wedding vow is simply a subjective projection, and one who's meaning is derived from the couple.
It is not an external reality like the weather or gravity, but it accurately defines the institution as the couple sees it, and it doesn't involve them being accountable to an ideal that seems bigger than themselves.
So what are some of the benefits of writing your own vows? i.
It's more authentic.
Personalized vows are a true reflection of who you are as a person and they are consistent with your own beliefs, values and expectations of the union.
You know the vows by heart because they are you.
ii.
They reflect your commitment.
By taking time to write your own vows, you invest in what will become your future, and the fact that you write it out shows just how aware you are and how committed you are.
iii.
Enhances creativity.
By writing your own vows you are collecting all your hopes and wishes over what you are trying to create in the marriage, and converting those thoughts into possibilities.
iv.
Gives you gravity.
Marriage vows can support you throughout the marriage because they establish a commitment that you can live with, and that makes you mindful of your actions, and solidify all your relationships.
Disadvantage The obvious drawback to writing your own vows is the possibility that it reflects a significant shrinking of your idea of marriage, and lowers a couple's expectation of marital permanence.
Marriage when defined by you, shrinks to whatever you define it to be.
Traditional vows Traditional vows define the marriage as a covenant, not a contract.
The couple acknowledges their part in the establishment of a sacred union and they play out their parts as those before them did.
Such vows have little to do with an individual's position or ideals; it's more a transition to a more meaningful relationship and one that signifies continuity of the ideals held by the society and the couple as well.
Benefits of traditional vows i.
They signify marital permanence.
This is especially distinctive, with the high divorce rates that differentiate modern marriages.
ii.
They recognize the sanctity of marriage.
Covenants that involve concepts of honor and serving the other half tend to hold more weight than personalized promises of staying thin and not burning dinner.
iii.
Traditional covenants become touchstones to remind you of the value and permanence of your commitment, which can sail you through some challenging times.
iv.
History provides a strong example.
While personalized vows reflect a more private union where each marriage is unique, traditional marriage vows operate the other way and when couples have a hard time they can always refer to other successful covenant marriages to learn how they sustained their union.
Disadvantages i.
Impersonal.
One of the main disadvantages of writing traditional vows is the fact that the ceremony may not be as personally meaningful as the couple would prefer.
ii.
More difficult to incorporate different faiths.
Mixed-tradition marriages may present challenges especially when the couples hold conflicting beliefs and traditions.
iii.
Strict and absolute.
Some couples may want to avoid hypocrisy and this can be challenging with traditional vows of sanctity and absoluteness.
In conclusion, marriage holds different meanings among different people and one belief is not necessarily more applicable than another.
Therefore, choose the vows that work for you as a couple, and ones that reflect the life you have chosen for yourselves.
