Have you ever thrown a pebble in a puddle? If you have, you probably noticed that the rings will flow out from the point of impact ... and then they return back to where the pebble landed.

Your actions and decisions in your marriage are like that. They all have consequences. Some of the consequences are natural. Some of the consequences are logical.

Although the theory of natural and logical consequences focuses mainly on children's behavior, we think it is applicable to the marriage relationship, too.

What are Natural Consequences?

• Natural consequences are the natural outcome of an event. If you touch a hot stove, the natural consequence is that your finger will be burned. If you stand out in the rain without an umbrella, the natural consequence is that you will get wet. If you stay up too late and don't get enough sleep, the natural consequence is that you will be tired the next day.
• A natural consequence of a husband verbally abusing his wife during the day is that she is not going to be receptive to sexual intimacy that night. An additional natural consequence of his verbal abuse will be that his wife will begin distancing herself from him.

What are Logical Consequences?

• Logical consequences are the result of an agreed arrangement. If you speed, a logical consequence is that you will receive a speeding ticket because you agreed to the speeding laws when you applied for your driver's license. If you don't pay the monthly mortgage payment on your home, a logical consequence is that the lender will foreclose because you agreed to make the payments.

• If a couple agrees that clothes belong in the dirty clothes hamper, the logical consequence of clothes not put in the hamper is that the clothes won't be washed.

Important Aspects of Dealing With Natural and Logical Consequences in a Successful Marriage

• Be aware of yourself and take time to get to know yourself.
• Share feelings with one another. Remember that feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are.
• Reduce stress in your marriage by not nagging each other.
• Work together to get things done around the house. Share the sense of accomplishment. Avoid power and control struggles.
• Remember you are not your spouse's parent. Your spouse will learn from the natural or logical consequences of actions and decisions.
• Show appreciation and give your spouse praise.
• Treat your spouse with respect and kindness.

Pay Attention

Pay attention to how your spouse responds to your praise, or when you make time to be together, or when you nag, or when you get angry. These behaviors have natural consequences in how your spouse acts, feels, and thinks.