Marrying Your Best Friend
In a perfect world, people would marry their best friend who they are also madly and passionately in love with. Of course, we already know that we do not live in a perfect world. In fact, we live in a relatively crazy, upside down world with feet that smells like Fritos. Sometimes we make choices or consider choices that we otherwise wouldn't in order to combat different situations. The temptation of marrying your best friend falls into this category.
Marrying someone whom you love but are not romantically inclined toward can end up having tragic consequences for some and blissful consequences for others. There are plenty of people out there who married their best friend either to have or to raise a child or three. Others have done it because they didn't want to be alone. One couple did it when the friend became terminally ill, partly to provide much needed health insurance and partly to avoid having to dispense a life savings inappropriately. People opt for this type of marriage because it feels safe and the structure feels like something they can learn to love.
In many cases, a marriage to a best friend has worked out beautifully, and enough basic love was shared in order to avoid a terrible collapse of structure. The structure is always threatened into collapse however, when one party finally meets their soul mate and is currently betrothed to someone they love, but are not in love with. If sexual relations are non-existent, or are existent without the usual strings of monogamy or expectation, this can often open the window for a structure that may or may not work for one or both partners. Everyone involved needs to feel as though the expectations set forth are being met, and these expectations may change over time. Communication is the only method of keeping expectations realistic and within a realm that can be performed.
Marriage is a two fold prospect. On one hand, it is a legal agreement between two people. It basically states that these two people will commit to each other and negotiate the world emotionally, financially, and in some cases, heroically together and they will abide by the expectations and laws set forth as they apply to marriage.
Marriage is also an emotional ordeal. In most cases, when someone announces they are getting married, few people respond with how wonderful that is for the upcoming tax return and how awesome the benefits will be when they are applied. The logical and meaningful response is emotional, that someone has fallen in love and wants to spend the rest of their life committed to the person whom has captured their heart. Can a marriage survive and thrive without this aspect? It can. However any marriage based on an emotional structure is going to weather the inevitable storms a little better than one based on logical and reasonable structure.
Emotional marriages have more heat, more fire. The arguments are ignited with passion as often as the making up is ignited with passion. Logical and practical marriages, which is usually what you get when you commit to a friend, are more likely to grow distant when things get tough rather than ignited. People stop communicating. People pull back. People don't want to invest because their initial investment didn't cost that much.
All that said, whether you're planning to marry a friend or someone you met online from overseas, marriages of all kinds can work when the ground rules are clear, and the living arrangements and financial arrangements are agreed upon with the utmost clarity. If you and your best friend hold to some oath that if neither of you are married and raising kids by the age of 35, then you'll marry each other and start a family of your own, your oath is both practical and emotional. You've declared that you are willing to commit to a family structure. And families, no matter how they are created, are emotional.
For some, the marriage to a best friend is the ultimate option for solving many of the world's hassles, disappointments, and general ill intended diabolical messes. It opens new doors and some couples have found that over time, they find a passion for each other. For others, it is settling. It means that they are giving up the hope of finding that one true love that makes their tummy do crazy things and makes them forget how to speak properly. Those who feel they are giving something up rather than gaining something aren't likely to be happy in this sort of marriage. Those who are willing to create family out of the people they have love for around them are much more likely to succeed in this type of marriage. Regardless of the emotions, the lack of emotional response, or whatever lies in between, any marriage that is going to have a fighting chance is going to take effort and communication.
Marrying someone whom you love but are not romantically inclined toward can end up having tragic consequences for some and blissful consequences for others. There are plenty of people out there who married their best friend either to have or to raise a child or three. Others have done it because they didn't want to be alone. One couple did it when the friend became terminally ill, partly to provide much needed health insurance and partly to avoid having to dispense a life savings inappropriately. People opt for this type of marriage because it feels safe and the structure feels like something they can learn to love.
In many cases, a marriage to a best friend has worked out beautifully, and enough basic love was shared in order to avoid a terrible collapse of structure. The structure is always threatened into collapse however, when one party finally meets their soul mate and is currently betrothed to someone they love, but are not in love with. If sexual relations are non-existent, or are existent without the usual strings of monogamy or expectation, this can often open the window for a structure that may or may not work for one or both partners. Everyone involved needs to feel as though the expectations set forth are being met, and these expectations may change over time. Communication is the only method of keeping expectations realistic and within a realm that can be performed.
Marriage is a two fold prospect. On one hand, it is a legal agreement between two people. It basically states that these two people will commit to each other and negotiate the world emotionally, financially, and in some cases, heroically together and they will abide by the expectations and laws set forth as they apply to marriage.
Marriage is also an emotional ordeal. In most cases, when someone announces they are getting married, few people respond with how wonderful that is for the upcoming tax return and how awesome the benefits will be when they are applied. The logical and meaningful response is emotional, that someone has fallen in love and wants to spend the rest of their life committed to the person whom has captured their heart. Can a marriage survive and thrive without this aspect? It can. However any marriage based on an emotional structure is going to weather the inevitable storms a little better than one based on logical and reasonable structure.
Emotional marriages have more heat, more fire. The arguments are ignited with passion as often as the making up is ignited with passion. Logical and practical marriages, which is usually what you get when you commit to a friend, are more likely to grow distant when things get tough rather than ignited. People stop communicating. People pull back. People don't want to invest because their initial investment didn't cost that much.
All that said, whether you're planning to marry a friend or someone you met online from overseas, marriages of all kinds can work when the ground rules are clear, and the living arrangements and financial arrangements are agreed upon with the utmost clarity. If you and your best friend hold to some oath that if neither of you are married and raising kids by the age of 35, then you'll marry each other and start a family of your own, your oath is both practical and emotional. You've declared that you are willing to commit to a family structure. And families, no matter how they are created, are emotional.
For some, the marriage to a best friend is the ultimate option for solving many of the world's hassles, disappointments, and general ill intended diabolical messes. It opens new doors and some couples have found that over time, they find a passion for each other. For others, it is settling. It means that they are giving up the hope of finding that one true love that makes their tummy do crazy things and makes them forget how to speak properly. Those who feel they are giving something up rather than gaining something aren't likely to be happy in this sort of marriage. Those who are willing to create family out of the people they have love for around them are much more likely to succeed in this type of marriage. Regardless of the emotions, the lack of emotional response, or whatever lies in between, any marriage that is going to have a fighting chance is going to take effort and communication.
