Learning how to survive after an affair is unfortunately, something many couples need to do. When infidelity works its way into your marriage, you have one major decision to make. Do you work together towards the goal of rebuilding the relationship or do you part ways? Those who have never dealt with adultery always believe that they'd break up the marriage because of the betrayal, but once you're in the middle of it, things don't seem as crystal clear. It's admirable to want to work together to reclaim the trust and love, but it does take time and effort. If you and your spouse have committed to saving your marriage after an affair, there's some guidance that can prove very helpful to you both.

You may think it goes without saying that the first, and arguably most important step you need to learn regarding how to survive after an affair is to break off all contact with the lover. This is necessary for both partners for very different reasons. If you were the person who was unfaithful, you need to show your partner they can indeed trust you again by letting the other person go. In essence, that means you agree to never talk with them again. In addition, don't fool yourself by believing that things like email or text messages don't count. They do. It has to be a clean break forever. If you are the spouse who was cheated on you must insist on this. If you don't you'll be sharing your partner with someone else, even if it's just emotionally, for the foreseeable future.

Responsibility for the indiscretion may seem to fall squarely on the shoulders of the person who cheated, but don't be so quick to rush to that judgment. If your spouse was unfaithful you need to take a step back from the situation and consider whether or not you did anything that has pushed them away. There's no reasonable excuse for committing adultery, but you may have caused them to feel alone or rejected. Talk to your spouse about this. Listen to them explain what led them towards the infidelity. Be open minded and attentive. You can learn a great deal from what they share with you. By the same token, if you are the person who sought out an affair, be honest with your partner about why it happened. You both need to be willing and able to absorb what the other is telling you. If you can do this, you've made a big step towards rebuilding the lost trust.