Marriage Enrichment - What"s Wrong With Being a Friend to Your Husband?
Isn't it interesting, that when a married couple grows over time into a deep and comfortable union, that society through friends and family refer to them as "losing it" or puts a negative connotation on this brilliant step in a relationship between a married couple? I would like to pose the question.
Losing what? Over the eons of time, one would say that all marriages or relationships, start with strong lust factor & attraction, but if your goal is a marriage that will out last the test of time, friendship has more staying power than basic sexual desire and needs to be acted on first, middle, and last.
An old saying is "When passion has its ups and downs, friendship is the stabilizing force.
It says 'I care...
you are important to me...
'" Are couples truly prepared for the long commitment required before they get married? Surely part of the ritual should be guidance on the phases of marriage and discuss one values and beliefs should include friendship.
Why isn't friendship in marriage celebrated or longevity in a marriage really valued? Sure there are many areas in a marriage we have to work together on but friendship would be my number one choice.
Marriages that support friendship is a deeper form of love, it's a relaxed intimacy.
It represents a sharing, openness, to trust and a willingness to be vulnerable.
This will always take time & energies to support.
But so worth the trouble.
Why do marriage couples become so complacent with their union.
Is it the stresses of life.
When we are friends with our partner, we watch out for what's best for one another.
We support through thick and thin.
We enjoy each other's company, help each other laugh, and work and play well with each other, yet as a friend we also respect each others individually and personal space.
Friends accept the good with the bad, they don't sweat the small stuff.
I often remember, in my first marriage sitting lovingly on the couch through hours and hours of football matches when we were first married.
He was passionate about his football.
It was not my idea of a pleasurable afternoon; however I felt it would please my husband and enrich our marriage to show this support.
Interesting how I felt "duty bound" to be the good wife and correlated "the football afternoons " as a way to show love.
In my first marriage, my first husband never really felt, he had to show any real interest in communicating to me on a more personal level.
(Boy, we could have done with some marriage enrichment).
We were so stereotyped and set into our marriage duties & roles; inevitably we started to drift apart.
Two people with nothing in common and nothing to share.
I realize now, if I had been more responsible for our union and we had been more honest with each other and yes, sought professional help.
We could have perhaps begun a friendship and possibly saved our relationship.
Sadly the marriage ended: no friendship, that never really was.
Luckily, the mistakes of the past often teach us wisdom for the future.
I have been happily in a relationship for 20 years, and friendship is one of my highest values.
Being my husband's best friend has been an honor I cherish.
A key part of being friends is offering encouragement and giving each other space to grow.
We help each other excel.
Even as a happy married couple, neither of us are great communicators however we continue to work and strive together in that area and our friendship helps us.
Sure we can "mix it up" when we feel like it and are still madly attracted to each other yet there are moments when we can goof it up, be as childlike and joyful in each others company or deadly serious overcoming challenges together.
Who wouldn't want this sort of flexibility from a spouse in your marriage? Is friendship everything? Not hardly, but it's a key piece in this wonderful jigsaw called marriage.
After 20 years, we have a brilliant relationship, a great life and an unbelievable friendship.
My wish is for everyone to 1.
evaluate the friendship that they share with their spouse.
2 work on Improve and developing their friendship 3.
Celebrate it.
Qualities of an Excellent Friendship Unconditional love The ability to share honestly about positive and difficult matters Affirmation of positive qualities in each other Enjoyment of quiet, peaceful time together Play, fun, and laughter Acceptance, allowing both partners to be themselves Support and empathy, and assistance during challenges Enthusiasm for shared goals and achievements Loving & connection Encouragement Loyalty Trust Reliability Common experiences and bonding memories Ability to work together on projects Mutually agreed boundaries and expectations Shared interests & activities Willingness to learn together and from one another Ability to disagree peacefully and constructively Shared values Ability to reconnect easily after being apart Motivational feedback Attitude of forgiveness Respectfulness and equality If there are any areas, needing address, go forth with my blessing and become closer friends.
It's so worth it.
Losing what? Over the eons of time, one would say that all marriages or relationships, start with strong lust factor & attraction, but if your goal is a marriage that will out last the test of time, friendship has more staying power than basic sexual desire and needs to be acted on first, middle, and last.
An old saying is "When passion has its ups and downs, friendship is the stabilizing force.
It says 'I care...
you are important to me...
'" Are couples truly prepared for the long commitment required before they get married? Surely part of the ritual should be guidance on the phases of marriage and discuss one values and beliefs should include friendship.
Why isn't friendship in marriage celebrated or longevity in a marriage really valued? Sure there are many areas in a marriage we have to work together on but friendship would be my number one choice.
Marriages that support friendship is a deeper form of love, it's a relaxed intimacy.
It represents a sharing, openness, to trust and a willingness to be vulnerable.
This will always take time & energies to support.
But so worth the trouble.
Why do marriage couples become so complacent with their union.
Is it the stresses of life.
When we are friends with our partner, we watch out for what's best for one another.
We support through thick and thin.
We enjoy each other's company, help each other laugh, and work and play well with each other, yet as a friend we also respect each others individually and personal space.
Friends accept the good with the bad, they don't sweat the small stuff.
I often remember, in my first marriage sitting lovingly on the couch through hours and hours of football matches when we were first married.
He was passionate about his football.
It was not my idea of a pleasurable afternoon; however I felt it would please my husband and enrich our marriage to show this support.
Interesting how I felt "duty bound" to be the good wife and correlated "the football afternoons " as a way to show love.
In my first marriage, my first husband never really felt, he had to show any real interest in communicating to me on a more personal level.
(Boy, we could have done with some marriage enrichment).
We were so stereotyped and set into our marriage duties & roles; inevitably we started to drift apart.
Two people with nothing in common and nothing to share.
I realize now, if I had been more responsible for our union and we had been more honest with each other and yes, sought professional help.
We could have perhaps begun a friendship and possibly saved our relationship.
Sadly the marriage ended: no friendship, that never really was.
Luckily, the mistakes of the past often teach us wisdom for the future.
I have been happily in a relationship for 20 years, and friendship is one of my highest values.
Being my husband's best friend has been an honor I cherish.
A key part of being friends is offering encouragement and giving each other space to grow.
We help each other excel.
Even as a happy married couple, neither of us are great communicators however we continue to work and strive together in that area and our friendship helps us.
Sure we can "mix it up" when we feel like it and are still madly attracted to each other yet there are moments when we can goof it up, be as childlike and joyful in each others company or deadly serious overcoming challenges together.
Who wouldn't want this sort of flexibility from a spouse in your marriage? Is friendship everything? Not hardly, but it's a key piece in this wonderful jigsaw called marriage.
After 20 years, we have a brilliant relationship, a great life and an unbelievable friendship.
My wish is for everyone to 1.
evaluate the friendship that they share with their spouse.
2 work on Improve and developing their friendship 3.
Celebrate it.
Qualities of an Excellent Friendship Unconditional love The ability to share honestly about positive and difficult matters Affirmation of positive qualities in each other Enjoyment of quiet, peaceful time together Play, fun, and laughter Acceptance, allowing both partners to be themselves Support and empathy, and assistance during challenges Enthusiasm for shared goals and achievements Loving & connection Encouragement Loyalty Trust Reliability Common experiences and bonding memories Ability to work together on projects Mutually agreed boundaries and expectations Shared interests & activities Willingness to learn together and from one another Ability to disagree peacefully and constructively Shared values Ability to reconnect easily after being apart Motivational feedback Attitude of forgiveness Respectfulness and equality If there are any areas, needing address, go forth with my blessing and become closer friends.
It's so worth it.
