Get Your Fiance Back – Not With a Magic Formula, But With Some Brain Time!
What is brain time? It is a period of thinking and reflection on your part. It is not hard, and it is the best place for you to start working on your relationship, and eventually get your fiance back. If your ex is not interested in fixing your twosome at the moment, then it is up to you to start the process.
I know, emotions are running high, the wedding is called off, and everyone is embarrassed and confused, especially you. There are plenty of rules and formulas around on how to get your intended back. For example, some advise you to spend one week alone for every year you were together.
In my humble opinion, that is ridiculous. The formula-type approach seldom works. Everything depends on you, and your particular situation. One size definitely does NOT fit all. When you got engaged, the two of you made a commitment to each other, albeit informal, to get married and spend the rest of your lives together.
When serious plans like that collapse, the consequences are, well, serious and far-reaching. The shadow cast by your break up is long and heartbreaking. You may be so upset and hot, your underwear starts to curl and shrink!
All joking aside, the good news is that your relationship can most likely be saved, and you can indeed get your fiance back. Not instantly, mind you, but soon. So how soon is soon, I hear you asking? As soon as you work your way through the following two steps. Just before we get to them, let me point out to you a common complaint folks have, when going through this process of fixing a break up.
They may say that the advice below is too vague and unfocused, and they still do not know what to do. Fair enough. Here are a few points to think about as you work to get your fiance back.
First, a lot depends on your personal situation. How long have you been together? Do you still really and truly love each other? Has there been cheating or abuse in the relationship? I do not know the details of your break up, but I do want to help you. So you have to adapt the advice here to your own individual situation. No two break ups are alike.
Second, going slowly and feeling your way along is not a bad thing, especially in such an important matter as this. He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Finally, you cannot do everything yourself, nor can you be an expert in something you have never done before. You need some kind of plan or roadmap to guide you through this difficult time. You can find one particular guide here that has helped thousands of good folks get back with their ex. OK, here are the two steps you should follow:
1. What the Heck Happened Here?
You need to find out what the main problems are in the relationship. What was so bad that it actually drove the two of you apart? Now, do not confuse symptoms and causes. If you hate it when he goes out drinking with his buddies, that is a symptom.
The real cause of your problem is that he is not listening to you. The two of you have to talk about it and find a compromise, such as him going out with his friends once a week instead of three times.
2. Work With Me!
Now you have an idea where your basic problems lie. Time to get to work talking and compromising, and reaching for adjustments and accommodations. We call it working things out to your mutual satisfaction. Both of you have to be really committed to this process, or it will not work.
One person cannot make all the concessions and compromises. That is not a real relationship, and you cannot get your fiance back this way. Or if you do, the old problems will soon pop up again.
You might need a marriage counselor to help you talk about and fix your issues once and for all. Right now your relationship is balanced on the edge of disaster. Dragging it back and breathing new life into it will be a good experience for the two of you. Watch carefully how you do it, and how each of you reacts.
This will set the pattern for solving future conflicts more easily, be they large or small. Keep this particular thought in front of you: Your goal is to heal the past, fix the present and dream of your future – together.
I know, emotions are running high, the wedding is called off, and everyone is embarrassed and confused, especially you. There are plenty of rules and formulas around on how to get your intended back. For example, some advise you to spend one week alone for every year you were together.
In my humble opinion, that is ridiculous. The formula-type approach seldom works. Everything depends on you, and your particular situation. One size definitely does NOT fit all. When you got engaged, the two of you made a commitment to each other, albeit informal, to get married and spend the rest of your lives together.
When serious plans like that collapse, the consequences are, well, serious and far-reaching. The shadow cast by your break up is long and heartbreaking. You may be so upset and hot, your underwear starts to curl and shrink!
All joking aside, the good news is that your relationship can most likely be saved, and you can indeed get your fiance back. Not instantly, mind you, but soon. So how soon is soon, I hear you asking? As soon as you work your way through the following two steps. Just before we get to them, let me point out to you a common complaint folks have, when going through this process of fixing a break up.
They may say that the advice below is too vague and unfocused, and they still do not know what to do. Fair enough. Here are a few points to think about as you work to get your fiance back.
First, a lot depends on your personal situation. How long have you been together? Do you still really and truly love each other? Has there been cheating or abuse in the relationship? I do not know the details of your break up, but I do want to help you. So you have to adapt the advice here to your own individual situation. No two break ups are alike.
Second, going slowly and feeling your way along is not a bad thing, especially in such an important matter as this. He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Finally, you cannot do everything yourself, nor can you be an expert in something you have never done before. You need some kind of plan or roadmap to guide you through this difficult time. You can find one particular guide here that has helped thousands of good folks get back with their ex. OK, here are the two steps you should follow:
1. What the Heck Happened Here?
You need to find out what the main problems are in the relationship. What was so bad that it actually drove the two of you apart? Now, do not confuse symptoms and causes. If you hate it when he goes out drinking with his buddies, that is a symptom.
The real cause of your problem is that he is not listening to you. The two of you have to talk about it and find a compromise, such as him going out with his friends once a week instead of three times.
2. Work With Me!
Now you have an idea where your basic problems lie. Time to get to work talking and compromising, and reaching for adjustments and accommodations. We call it working things out to your mutual satisfaction. Both of you have to be really committed to this process, or it will not work.
One person cannot make all the concessions and compromises. That is not a real relationship, and you cannot get your fiance back this way. Or if you do, the old problems will soon pop up again.
You might need a marriage counselor to help you talk about and fix your issues once and for all. Right now your relationship is balanced on the edge of disaster. Dragging it back and breathing new life into it will be a good experience for the two of you. Watch carefully how you do it, and how each of you reacts.
This will set the pattern for solving future conflicts more easily, be they large or small. Keep this particular thought in front of you: Your goal is to heal the past, fix the present and dream of your future – together.
