Bad Mouthing the Ex
Picture yourself as a young child and you're hearing someone by quite detailed about why they hate your mother and what an awful person they believe she is.
Feel what those words feel like when they hit you, the turning in your stomach, the confusion and haziness in your mind, the anger, the frustration, the hurt you feel inside.
No kid ever wants to hear anything bad said about any of the adults in their life...
especially a parent.
What Happens in the Child's Mind Much of the subconscious mind is developed during pregnancy and through the age of 6 years old (aka-the formative years).
During this time children are like tiny little sponges soaking up every piece of information they come in contact with.
Since they are essentially blank slates without much of any point of reference, everything is simply accepted as fact.
All this information then evolves into their beliefs, behaviors, habits and mindsets.
When kids hear a slew of negative chatter, particularly during this age range, they're highly likely to develop a negative predisposition towards whomever they're hearing it about, to behave negatively towards him, and to hold negative beliefs about him.
Unfortunately they're not likely to even know why they think and feel this way until they're older and start to question their emotions and their origin.
Of course the subconscious mind continues to develop but the brain is believed to be 95% developed by the age of ten at which point a person begins to question more of the information they're presented with as they're critical thinking skills start to sharpen.
What Happens When They Mature Picture their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as layers in a large onion.
They peel away these layers as they mature and begin to question where they all came from.
When these layers are shed you don't want to be the one standing at the core of it all.
Why Dad's Role is Important Research shows that young women who have healthy relationships with the father figure in their life: * Are less likely to gravitate towards abusive relationships as they mature.
* Are more independent.
* Are less likely to experiment with drugs.
* Are less likely to experience depression.
* Are less likely to develop problems with their body image.
* Excel in English and math courses.
* Are more likely to attend higher education and get better jobs.
* Have higher self-esteem.
What Dad's Do For a young woman their dad is the first man they know personally.
He can thus set the stage for how her future relationships will be played out.
Father figures teach adventurism, self-confidence, self-reliance and assertiveness.
Fathers provide comfort, support and a confidence that encourages the young women in their life.
These are qualities we want the young women in our lives to seek out in their adult relationships.
We don't want to teach them "the art of harboring resentment" any more than we want to be teaching them that "relationships are war.
" Below are a few suggestions on how to move forward and away from the negativity of the past with the young individual in your life: They Are Always Listening You're human and you get frustrated, scared, angry, and overwhelmed and then you talk...
you talk out loud.
It's as if there's an assumption that kids don't pay attention or are too young to understand adults when they talk, or their angry outbursts.
Know that they are listening, even when you think they're not.
Rather they're 7 months or 17 years old, kids perceive the sound, tone, feelings, and words they hear even if they can't articulate such.
Being mindful of what they hear you say is just as instrumental to the quality of their life as it is to yours.
Get A Journal Journals are an excellent way for you to process and rid your body of it's heavy emotions.
Spelling and punctuation don't matter a bit since you're just writing for you.
This can be a very cathartic way to get all your emotions out without having any of the negative repercussions that are likely to occur if you were to speak out load.
Encourage Their Relationship Get excited when they have a planned outing, weekend, or other scheduled time with their father figure; they will emulate your enthusiasm.
Ask Lots of Questions When you get them talking about their experiences and their perspectives of such you are opening the door for you to respond with a constructive and positive approach as you provide guidance on their father-figure relationship or other topics she may present.
So when they return from a visit ask lots of questions about what activities they did, what she liked or didn't like, and why.
Counteract the Negative Speech If you notice negativity towards their father figure, such as an obvious annoyance by his calls, or the rattling off of snarky comments about him, then immediately take proactive measures by saying something positive about him, their relationship, it's importance, or the quality of his efforts.
This will let her know that your way of thinking has changed and it will get the two of you talking about dear-ole dad.
Think Before You Speak Being conscious of your thoughts and harnessing what comes out of your mouth is one of the most powerful tools you possess.
Angry thoughts easily make the transition into hateful words.
Remember that they are watching and learning from everything you do.
If you wouldn't feel joy hearing your words repeated in a large room filled with family, friends, co-workers and strangers...
then don't say them.
You have incredible influence over the short people in your life.
They are watching you always and are constantly learning from you.
You get to choose rather they learn more positive or negative lessons.
Don't Beat Yourself Up The great thing about the past is that it's over! There is no need, logic, or good that can come from beating yourselves up for days gone past.
We are always doing the very best we can with the knowledge, awareness and insight we have at that moment.
Your knowledge is ever-increasing, your awareness is growing, and you're acquiring more wisdom all the time so lets move on! I hope this article gives you many wonderful conversations with the youngster in your life.
If you would like to share your own experience on a relative matter or have any questions you would like insights on please feel free to contact me at http://www.
kimchelltalk.
com.
Most Sincerely, KimChell Haskell
Feel what those words feel like when they hit you, the turning in your stomach, the confusion and haziness in your mind, the anger, the frustration, the hurt you feel inside.
No kid ever wants to hear anything bad said about any of the adults in their life...
especially a parent.
What Happens in the Child's Mind Much of the subconscious mind is developed during pregnancy and through the age of 6 years old (aka-the formative years).
During this time children are like tiny little sponges soaking up every piece of information they come in contact with.
Since they are essentially blank slates without much of any point of reference, everything is simply accepted as fact.
All this information then evolves into their beliefs, behaviors, habits and mindsets.
When kids hear a slew of negative chatter, particularly during this age range, they're highly likely to develop a negative predisposition towards whomever they're hearing it about, to behave negatively towards him, and to hold negative beliefs about him.
Unfortunately they're not likely to even know why they think and feel this way until they're older and start to question their emotions and their origin.
Of course the subconscious mind continues to develop but the brain is believed to be 95% developed by the age of ten at which point a person begins to question more of the information they're presented with as they're critical thinking skills start to sharpen.
What Happens When They Mature Picture their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as layers in a large onion.
They peel away these layers as they mature and begin to question where they all came from.
When these layers are shed you don't want to be the one standing at the core of it all.
Why Dad's Role is Important Research shows that young women who have healthy relationships with the father figure in their life: * Are less likely to gravitate towards abusive relationships as they mature.
* Are more independent.
* Are less likely to experiment with drugs.
* Are less likely to experience depression.
* Are less likely to develop problems with their body image.
* Excel in English and math courses.
* Are more likely to attend higher education and get better jobs.
* Have higher self-esteem.
What Dad's Do For a young woman their dad is the first man they know personally.
He can thus set the stage for how her future relationships will be played out.
Father figures teach adventurism, self-confidence, self-reliance and assertiveness.
Fathers provide comfort, support and a confidence that encourages the young women in their life.
These are qualities we want the young women in our lives to seek out in their adult relationships.
We don't want to teach them "the art of harboring resentment" any more than we want to be teaching them that "relationships are war.
" Below are a few suggestions on how to move forward and away from the negativity of the past with the young individual in your life: They Are Always Listening You're human and you get frustrated, scared, angry, and overwhelmed and then you talk...
you talk out loud.
It's as if there's an assumption that kids don't pay attention or are too young to understand adults when they talk, or their angry outbursts.
Know that they are listening, even when you think they're not.
Rather they're 7 months or 17 years old, kids perceive the sound, tone, feelings, and words they hear even if they can't articulate such.
Being mindful of what they hear you say is just as instrumental to the quality of their life as it is to yours.
Get A Journal Journals are an excellent way for you to process and rid your body of it's heavy emotions.
Spelling and punctuation don't matter a bit since you're just writing for you.
This can be a very cathartic way to get all your emotions out without having any of the negative repercussions that are likely to occur if you were to speak out load.
Encourage Their Relationship Get excited when they have a planned outing, weekend, or other scheduled time with their father figure; they will emulate your enthusiasm.
Ask Lots of Questions When you get them talking about their experiences and their perspectives of such you are opening the door for you to respond with a constructive and positive approach as you provide guidance on their father-figure relationship or other topics she may present.
So when they return from a visit ask lots of questions about what activities they did, what she liked or didn't like, and why.
Counteract the Negative Speech If you notice negativity towards their father figure, such as an obvious annoyance by his calls, or the rattling off of snarky comments about him, then immediately take proactive measures by saying something positive about him, their relationship, it's importance, or the quality of his efforts.
This will let her know that your way of thinking has changed and it will get the two of you talking about dear-ole dad.
Think Before You Speak Being conscious of your thoughts and harnessing what comes out of your mouth is one of the most powerful tools you possess.
Angry thoughts easily make the transition into hateful words.
Remember that they are watching and learning from everything you do.
If you wouldn't feel joy hearing your words repeated in a large room filled with family, friends, co-workers and strangers...
then don't say them.
You have incredible influence over the short people in your life.
They are watching you always and are constantly learning from you.
You get to choose rather they learn more positive or negative lessons.
Don't Beat Yourself Up The great thing about the past is that it's over! There is no need, logic, or good that can come from beating yourselves up for days gone past.
We are always doing the very best we can with the knowledge, awareness and insight we have at that moment.
Your knowledge is ever-increasing, your awareness is growing, and you're acquiring more wisdom all the time so lets move on! I hope this article gives you many wonderful conversations with the youngster in your life.
If you would like to share your own experience on a relative matter or have any questions you would like insights on please feel free to contact me at http://www.
kimchelltalk.
com.
Most Sincerely, KimChell Haskell
