How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back By Using A Little Empathy
Not everyone has the ability to move out of their own space and frame of reference and see things from another person's point of view.
It does take some learning and even then there's no guarantee that everyone can do it and do it well.
Having made that point (I hope), if you've recently split up with the man of your dreams and you want to use that same philosophy for getting your former boyfriend or lover back, then it's pretty important to be able to take a walk in his shoes and view things from his standpoint.
We've cobbled together a few ideas below that when applied with your boyfriend's perspective in mind, may very well find you drifting back into his loving arms once more.
The key to success however, is your ability to feel empathy towards him whilst at the same time, trying to preserve your fragile emotional state from flowing over and potentially frustrating and ruining your efforts.
Now I'm deliberately pitching this article in a way that takes the male's view of things in a break up.
This is because I want to try translating some of that male thinking or psyche (irrespective of whether it's right or not) for the benefit of a woman trying to understand what's going on in that male mind at this often awkward time.
It is not intended to be sexist or a statement or inference that says the woman should pursue the man - not at all.
I'm simply offering a male's perspective on a male's thinking patterns in a recent break up situation.
With that said, here go our tips on how to get your ex boyfriend back into your life: The first word that I'll utter is space.
Yes, space - and plenty of it!You see, unlike some women, men usually crave freedom and don't like to be hemmed in.
Now I know you probably want to smother him with your adoration, love notes, hugs, kisses and all of that.
But I must warn you first.
If you do that and attempt to look at him doe eyed and drown him in a sea of over-zealous attention straight after a split, then chances are you'll not only most probably lose him, but you'll likely never be able to get your ex boyfriend back again- ever.
While there are always exceptions to the rule, for the most part, men just aren't usually cut that way.
At this formative and often delicate stage of the split, you can choose to either do what is right for HIM (not just you) and get him back into your life willingly again, or play your cards wrong and find yourself being sanctioned and put into cold storage by him for good.
If you want my two cents worth, in this particular situation, the better option would be to gently and tactfully remind him of the woman who he originally fell for instead of using a "machine gun" approach of apologies and smooches and see him run a country mile.
You can do this subtly in a number of ways.
You can briefly reminisce about a place the both of you used to go, you can tell him you've taken up a new hobby, enrolled in a new course or are taking dancing lessons at a hip newly established club.
I mean come on - the list is almost endless (even if you have to embellish the stories just a tad).
Whatever you do, you certainly don't want to do anything to make him feel like he's being threatened somehow and has nowhere to run or hide from you.
If you were the main culprit of the break up (and even it you weren't) you can offer an apology but for heaven's sake, don't go over the top about it.
If he's a reasonable guy (read: not brain-dead) he'll get your drift quick smart without your having to repeat yourself over and over.
Repetition, especially of an apology, can have the tendency to make it sound trite.
So back up a bit, OK? If you've taken some heed of what I've just laid out for you, there is a distinct possibility that you'll have him back in your life again if you can apply yourself and execute properly.
However, in spite of all the above, if he proves to be a hard nut to crack and is unwilling to accept your efforts at reconciliation, it may be "face the truth" time for you where you may have to acknowledge that the split might just have to stay that way.
At least you can honestly say that you gave it a good crack, despite things not working out.
And you know what, even though it may not seem it just now, there will always be other people who will come into your life.
Of those new people, there just possibly maybe more than a suitable alternative to the guy whose love you couldn't have.
Whatever happens, keep your head on straight, retain your dignity and don't ever give up on life, or more importantly, YOURSELF!
It does take some learning and even then there's no guarantee that everyone can do it and do it well.
Having made that point (I hope), if you've recently split up with the man of your dreams and you want to use that same philosophy for getting your former boyfriend or lover back, then it's pretty important to be able to take a walk in his shoes and view things from his standpoint.
We've cobbled together a few ideas below that when applied with your boyfriend's perspective in mind, may very well find you drifting back into his loving arms once more.
The key to success however, is your ability to feel empathy towards him whilst at the same time, trying to preserve your fragile emotional state from flowing over and potentially frustrating and ruining your efforts.
Now I'm deliberately pitching this article in a way that takes the male's view of things in a break up.
This is because I want to try translating some of that male thinking or psyche (irrespective of whether it's right or not) for the benefit of a woman trying to understand what's going on in that male mind at this often awkward time.
It is not intended to be sexist or a statement or inference that says the woman should pursue the man - not at all.
I'm simply offering a male's perspective on a male's thinking patterns in a recent break up situation.
With that said, here go our tips on how to get your ex boyfriend back into your life: The first word that I'll utter is space.
Yes, space - and plenty of it!You see, unlike some women, men usually crave freedom and don't like to be hemmed in.
Now I know you probably want to smother him with your adoration, love notes, hugs, kisses and all of that.
But I must warn you first.
If you do that and attempt to look at him doe eyed and drown him in a sea of over-zealous attention straight after a split, then chances are you'll not only most probably lose him, but you'll likely never be able to get your ex boyfriend back again- ever.
While there are always exceptions to the rule, for the most part, men just aren't usually cut that way.
At this formative and often delicate stage of the split, you can choose to either do what is right for HIM (not just you) and get him back into your life willingly again, or play your cards wrong and find yourself being sanctioned and put into cold storage by him for good.
If you want my two cents worth, in this particular situation, the better option would be to gently and tactfully remind him of the woman who he originally fell for instead of using a "machine gun" approach of apologies and smooches and see him run a country mile.
You can do this subtly in a number of ways.
You can briefly reminisce about a place the both of you used to go, you can tell him you've taken up a new hobby, enrolled in a new course or are taking dancing lessons at a hip newly established club.
I mean come on - the list is almost endless (even if you have to embellish the stories just a tad).
Whatever you do, you certainly don't want to do anything to make him feel like he's being threatened somehow and has nowhere to run or hide from you.
If you were the main culprit of the break up (and even it you weren't) you can offer an apology but for heaven's sake, don't go over the top about it.
If he's a reasonable guy (read: not brain-dead) he'll get your drift quick smart without your having to repeat yourself over and over.
Repetition, especially of an apology, can have the tendency to make it sound trite.
So back up a bit, OK? If you've taken some heed of what I've just laid out for you, there is a distinct possibility that you'll have him back in your life again if you can apply yourself and execute properly.
However, in spite of all the above, if he proves to be a hard nut to crack and is unwilling to accept your efforts at reconciliation, it may be "face the truth" time for you where you may have to acknowledge that the split might just have to stay that way.
At least you can honestly say that you gave it a good crack, despite things not working out.
And you know what, even though it may not seem it just now, there will always be other people who will come into your life.
Of those new people, there just possibly maybe more than a suitable alternative to the guy whose love you couldn't have.
Whatever happens, keep your head on straight, retain your dignity and don't ever give up on life, or more importantly, YOURSELF!
