How the No Contact Rule Can Work For You
When someone breaks up with you, the pain and loss you feel gives that person an enormous hold over you.
It can almost seem as if they are controlling your life.
This is not healthy for your peace of mind or your future.
You need to reclaim your power over your emotions and your life.
This is the whole point of practicing No Contact.
In your first fear and panic after the breakup, it is easy to make all the wrong moves.
It's a big mistake to keep calling, texting and emailing your ex to get them to change their mind, but it's natural and understandable, and lots of people do it.
The trouble is that you are giving your ex, the person who has just rejected you, far too much power and control over your life and your future.
You care too much about what they are thinking, how they see and feel about you, and what you could have done differently that would have kept them at your side.
So you need to reclaim that power and give it back to yourself.
You need to control your own life.
You need to make your own decisions about what you want.
And you have given that power away.
How No Contact Works No Contact is the way to get that power back.
No Contact tells your ex that you don't need them, that you have accepted the breakup and that you are moving on with your own life.
It instils the fear of loss in your ex.
Until they genuinely fear losing you, they have no real motive for wanting you back.
It's going to be tough.
There will be days when it will be really hard not to contact your ex.
But when you understand the power that it can give you, it will give you the motivation to succeed.
Take it one day at a time.
There are 2 reasons that relationships don't work out.
One is that two people are simply wrong for each other: they have conflicting values, they want different things from life, or their personalities are simply incompatible.
The second is that circumstances have thrown up problems or barriers between two people who are essentially compatible, and who can be happy with each other.
It's very important that you understand which category you fall into.
Trying to repair a relationship with fundamental problems will only lead to further heartbreak.
No Contact will give you the distance and the space to see things in better perspective, so that you have a better chance of seeing whether your relationship SHOULD be saved.
Putting No Contact Into Practice Accept that you relationship is over, and that you need space and time to come to terms with your loss.
Even though you want ex back, you don't want to go back to the problems that ended this relationship, so the reality is that your old relationship IS over.
If one day you DO get back together, you will be creating a new and better relationship with them.
Is your ex still in contact with you? If they are still texting or calling you, you don't have to reply to them every time.
Tell them that you accept the breakup, that you realise things weren't working between you and that you need a break from each other.
Suggest that you talk again later when you have both had time to think and recover.
Keep them as a contact, but allow the contact between you to lapse.
Having given yourself this break, think about being kind to yourself.
This is your time to look forward as the unique individual you are, and to think about the life you really want to live.
You don't want to go back to the old life.
Although you want your ex back, you don't want them in the same old way.
Things between you need to change, and if YOU change, then everything else will change too.
As one part of a whole (your relationship), you changing will inevitably change things between you and your ex.
This is what you want.
Use No Contact to Your Advantage So use this time to nurture yourself.
Instead of sitting back and brooding over the past, get out and get active.
Every positive thing you do for yourself now will raise your spirits and give you a sense of purpose.
Look over your diet and get an exercise plan.
Exercise releases endorphins in the brain which is a natural feel-good chemical, and making sure you eat well will give your looks and health a boost.
Try and socialise as much as possible, and find an interest to occupy your spare time so that you don't brood or vegetate.
It's important that you use this period of no contact proactively.
Changing yourself by creating a new life will make you feel powerful.
It will also make you feel free.
As your ex sees you growing and changing, they will start to fear that they are losing you, and they will want to become part of the new life you are creating.
You will become desirable again in their eyes.
As you show them that you don't need them, they will start to feel that they need you.
It's human nature to want what you can't have.
Use No Contact to make your ex fear that they are losing you, and they will soon be the one trying to persuade YOU to give your relationship another chance.
It can almost seem as if they are controlling your life.
This is not healthy for your peace of mind or your future.
You need to reclaim your power over your emotions and your life.
This is the whole point of practicing No Contact.
In your first fear and panic after the breakup, it is easy to make all the wrong moves.
It's a big mistake to keep calling, texting and emailing your ex to get them to change their mind, but it's natural and understandable, and lots of people do it.
The trouble is that you are giving your ex, the person who has just rejected you, far too much power and control over your life and your future.
You care too much about what they are thinking, how they see and feel about you, and what you could have done differently that would have kept them at your side.
So you need to reclaim that power and give it back to yourself.
You need to control your own life.
You need to make your own decisions about what you want.
And you have given that power away.
How No Contact Works No Contact is the way to get that power back.
No Contact tells your ex that you don't need them, that you have accepted the breakup and that you are moving on with your own life.
It instils the fear of loss in your ex.
Until they genuinely fear losing you, they have no real motive for wanting you back.
It's going to be tough.
There will be days when it will be really hard not to contact your ex.
But when you understand the power that it can give you, it will give you the motivation to succeed.
Take it one day at a time.
There are 2 reasons that relationships don't work out.
One is that two people are simply wrong for each other: they have conflicting values, they want different things from life, or their personalities are simply incompatible.
The second is that circumstances have thrown up problems or barriers between two people who are essentially compatible, and who can be happy with each other.
It's very important that you understand which category you fall into.
Trying to repair a relationship with fundamental problems will only lead to further heartbreak.
No Contact will give you the distance and the space to see things in better perspective, so that you have a better chance of seeing whether your relationship SHOULD be saved.
Putting No Contact Into Practice Accept that you relationship is over, and that you need space and time to come to terms with your loss.
Even though you want ex back, you don't want to go back to the problems that ended this relationship, so the reality is that your old relationship IS over.
If one day you DO get back together, you will be creating a new and better relationship with them.
Is your ex still in contact with you? If they are still texting or calling you, you don't have to reply to them every time.
Tell them that you accept the breakup, that you realise things weren't working between you and that you need a break from each other.
Suggest that you talk again later when you have both had time to think and recover.
Keep them as a contact, but allow the contact between you to lapse.
Having given yourself this break, think about being kind to yourself.
This is your time to look forward as the unique individual you are, and to think about the life you really want to live.
You don't want to go back to the old life.
Although you want your ex back, you don't want them in the same old way.
Things between you need to change, and if YOU change, then everything else will change too.
As one part of a whole (your relationship), you changing will inevitably change things between you and your ex.
This is what you want.
Use No Contact to Your Advantage So use this time to nurture yourself.
Instead of sitting back and brooding over the past, get out and get active.
Every positive thing you do for yourself now will raise your spirits and give you a sense of purpose.
Look over your diet and get an exercise plan.
Exercise releases endorphins in the brain which is a natural feel-good chemical, and making sure you eat well will give your looks and health a boost.
Try and socialise as much as possible, and find an interest to occupy your spare time so that you don't brood or vegetate.
It's important that you use this period of no contact proactively.
Changing yourself by creating a new life will make you feel powerful.
It will also make you feel free.
As your ex sees you growing and changing, they will start to fear that they are losing you, and they will want to become part of the new life you are creating.
You will become desirable again in their eyes.
As you show them that you don't need them, they will start to feel that they need you.
It's human nature to want what you can't have.
Use No Contact to make your ex fear that they are losing you, and they will soon be the one trying to persuade YOU to give your relationship another chance.
