What Do We Really Know About Santa Claus?
I have a few questions about Santa Claus. Just general stuff. Like, where was Santa Claus born? Who was Santa Claus's mother? Did Santa finish high school and go on to complete a college education? Did he have brothers and sisters? How long did he and Mrs. Claus date before they got married and how did the meet each other? You know. Just gossipy kind of stuff. But, it's stuff that no one ever discusses and it might be interesting to know a little bit more about the old guy's personal life, ya know? I mean, he's been around for how many hundreds of years now and does anybody know HIS birthday? Do we know what HE wants for Christmas? Has anybody ever taken the time, and had enough consideration for the man to ask him if he really likes milk with his cookies or if he'd prefer a grape juice?
So, my curiosity has been getting the best of me lately. I just really can't believe that after all the time we've spent letting our children sit on this guy's lap, year after year after year, and all the times we've let this guy wander in and out of our homes while we're all sleeping, that no one has thought to do a background check on Santa Claus yet. Don't you think it's kind of fishy that he's always wearing gloves? And what about that red suit? Talk about the perfect disguise! There's a guy in a red suit on every street corner at Christmas time. What an alibi!
In my guest to unmask Santa Claus, or at least trim his beard a little, I took a stroll over to my local Amazon.com shop to see if maybe they might have a book about the jolly old elf. (And that's another thing! Elves? How old is this guy and he's still hanging out with elves?) But, I digress. Onward I trekked to Amazon. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?!
Fify one thousand one hundred and sixty six books about Santa Claus! Fify one thousand, folks! Surely, someone, in all of those books, has thought to ask the old guy when his birthday is.
Well over 15,000 of those books are in the children's books category, which, I suppose makes sense. Given that the guy spends all his time hanging out with kids and elves and a barn full of toys. But check this out. Almost 12,000 of those books on Santa are in the non-fiction category. Do you know what non-fiction is? It means it's true stuff! True stuff about Santa Claus.
So I clicked on that non-fiction category because I wanted to see if anybody know this guy's middle name. And do you know what the very first book in the Santa Claus non-fiction category is? “Santa Claus: A Biography”! OMG! I have got to have that book! And when I get done reading that one, I'm going to get “The Autobiography Of Santa Claus”! That one ought to be a real page turner!
So, my curiosity has been getting the best of me lately. I just really can't believe that after all the time we've spent letting our children sit on this guy's lap, year after year after year, and all the times we've let this guy wander in and out of our homes while we're all sleeping, that no one has thought to do a background check on Santa Claus yet. Don't you think it's kind of fishy that he's always wearing gloves? And what about that red suit? Talk about the perfect disguise! There's a guy in a red suit on every street corner at Christmas time. What an alibi!
In my guest to unmask Santa Claus, or at least trim his beard a little, I took a stroll over to my local Amazon.com shop to see if maybe they might have a book about the jolly old elf. (And that's another thing! Elves? How old is this guy and he's still hanging out with elves?) But, I digress. Onward I trekked to Amazon. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?!
Fify one thousand one hundred and sixty six books about Santa Claus! Fify one thousand, folks! Surely, someone, in all of those books, has thought to ask the old guy when his birthday is.
Well over 15,000 of those books are in the children's books category, which, I suppose makes sense. Given that the guy spends all his time hanging out with kids and elves and a barn full of toys. But check this out. Almost 12,000 of those books on Santa are in the non-fiction category. Do you know what non-fiction is? It means it's true stuff! True stuff about Santa Claus.
So I clicked on that non-fiction category because I wanted to see if anybody know this guy's middle name. And do you know what the very first book in the Santa Claus non-fiction category is? “Santa Claus: A Biography”! OMG! I have got to have that book! And when I get done reading that one, I'm going to get “The Autobiography Of Santa Claus”! That one ought to be a real page turner!
