Lessons on Loss From BYU
When the last ball dropped in the third and final set of the 2013 men's volleyball national final, it was a shock to the BYU Cougars and its coaching staff. UCI blocked Taylor Sander and an attempt to cover was unsuccessful as the ball flew out of reach. Until that very moment, when the reality of what this meant became obvious to everyone, BYU was sure that they were going to win that match.
"I figured we were in for a long match," said BYU Head Coach Chris McGown.
"Until that last ball went into the stands I was sure that we were going five and we were going to prevail and it just didn’t end up that way."
Why shouldn't it have ended up that way? BYU did everything right. They worked incredibly hard. They put together a great season and managed to peak at the right time. The earned the No. 1 national ranking mid-way through the season by winning tough matches. They learned to fight through tough moments and bonded as a team. They won the MPSF Conference Championship amidst fierce competition. And they headed into the Final Four knowing that they were about to put the cherry on top of a very sweet season by winning the school's first championship since 2004.
But it didn't work out that way. The lesson here is that sometimes you can do everything right and still fall short.
"I know how hard we worked to get to this point, and how much energy and how much blood sweat and tears we put into it," said McGown. "Unless you’re in it, you have no idea how hard these guys work every single day and how much of their souls they commit to being a great volleyball player and to buying in to what we’re trying to do as a volleyball program."
We teach kids that if they work hard and do their best, good things will follow. But sometimes winning is just not meant to be. It doesn't mean that your team didn't work hard, it wasn't because you didn't believe in yourself or your teammates or your coaching staff, it doesn't mean you weren't deserving. It only means that when the time came, you fell short. It happens. To athletes, to business owners, to politicians, to parents. It's a good life lesson that is not taught often enough. Still, when it happens, it breaks your heart and the pain can linger with you for years, even decades, if you let it.
Failure is an integral part of sports and of life. We learn from it, we strive to do better next time and we do our best to move forward. There is nothing that BYU can do about the 2013 national championship match. It's over. But that won't stop some of them from going over and over it in their heads in the coming months and possibly years.
In a recent article on the team by The Deseret News, the writer portrayed a coach and athletes who were terribly disappointed by the result. This should have been their year. What happened? Maybe some of them believe that this year was their best shot at a championship. Thoughts turn to the loss of Newcomer of the Year Ben Patch. Only a freshman, Patch had become a force at the opposite position that complemented Taylor Sander perfectly. The two became a nearly unstoppable one-two punch that kept opponents at bay. But now, Patch is headed off on his two-year Mormon mission and his volleyball development will have to wait.
All is not lost for the Cougars. They have a strong team returning and it will continue to be led by a now more seasoned Taylor Sander. One thing human beings don't do particularly well is predict the future. They have no idea what kind of chemistry the team will have next year with the incoming class. They have no idea what the competition will look like, who will suffer injuries, who will have an off year or the best year of their lives. Anything can happen.
Living with loss can be a difficult thing. But if done right it can teach you, make you better and make you a stronger person who handles well what life throws at you. When next season comes around, the returning BYU players will need to shake off the disappointment of this painful loss and concentrate on what's ahead.
Check out what a veteran sports psychologist has to say about the nine principles for handling big losses.
"I figured we were in for a long match," said BYU Head Coach Chris McGown.
"Until that last ball went into the stands I was sure that we were going five and we were going to prevail and it just didn’t end up that way."
Why shouldn't it have ended up that way? BYU did everything right. They worked incredibly hard. They put together a great season and managed to peak at the right time. The earned the No. 1 national ranking mid-way through the season by winning tough matches. They learned to fight through tough moments and bonded as a team. They won the MPSF Conference Championship amidst fierce competition. And they headed into the Final Four knowing that they were about to put the cherry on top of a very sweet season by winning the school's first championship since 2004.
But it didn't work out that way. The lesson here is that sometimes you can do everything right and still fall short.
"I know how hard we worked to get to this point, and how much energy and how much blood sweat and tears we put into it," said McGown. "Unless you’re in it, you have no idea how hard these guys work every single day and how much of their souls they commit to being a great volleyball player and to buying in to what we’re trying to do as a volleyball program."
We teach kids that if they work hard and do their best, good things will follow. But sometimes winning is just not meant to be. It doesn't mean that your team didn't work hard, it wasn't because you didn't believe in yourself or your teammates or your coaching staff, it doesn't mean you weren't deserving. It only means that when the time came, you fell short. It happens. To athletes, to business owners, to politicians, to parents. It's a good life lesson that is not taught often enough. Still, when it happens, it breaks your heart and the pain can linger with you for years, even decades, if you let it.
Failure is an integral part of sports and of life. We learn from it, we strive to do better next time and we do our best to move forward. There is nothing that BYU can do about the 2013 national championship match. It's over. But that won't stop some of them from going over and over it in their heads in the coming months and possibly years.
In a recent article on the team by The Deseret News, the writer portrayed a coach and athletes who were terribly disappointed by the result. This should have been their year. What happened? Maybe some of them believe that this year was their best shot at a championship. Thoughts turn to the loss of Newcomer of the Year Ben Patch. Only a freshman, Patch had become a force at the opposite position that complemented Taylor Sander perfectly. The two became a nearly unstoppable one-two punch that kept opponents at bay. But now, Patch is headed off on his two-year Mormon mission and his volleyball development will have to wait.
All is not lost for the Cougars. They have a strong team returning and it will continue to be led by a now more seasoned Taylor Sander. One thing human beings don't do particularly well is predict the future. They have no idea what kind of chemistry the team will have next year with the incoming class. They have no idea what the competition will look like, who will suffer injuries, who will have an off year or the best year of their lives. Anything can happen.
Living with loss can be a difficult thing. But if done right it can teach you, make you better and make you a stronger person who handles well what life throws at you. When next season comes around, the returning BYU players will need to shake off the disappointment of this painful loss and concentrate on what's ahead.
Check out what a veteran sports psychologist has to say about the nine principles for handling big losses.
