Myth or pipe dream, fantasy or reality.
The traditional view of male sexuality has always been very limiting, goal-oriented to penetration and/or orgasm.
Once the orgasm has been reached, game over.
I make a joke in my talks and say it should be called 'going' for men, not 'coming', because once it's happened, he's out.
The simple truth of the matter is that orgasm and ejaculation are totally separate processes in the body.
This fact alone makes multiple orgasms possible for men.
If we take the goal out of the equation, it becomes even more likely.
In the East, the home of the Tantric and Taoist traditions of health and sexuality, they realised this difference thousands of years ago.
They also understood the difference in men and women's sexual cycles.
Women need more stimulation than men, often a great deal more, especially when it comes to penetration.
Unfortunately, as many men are finished, so their partner's are just getting started.
These ancient teachings look at 3 aspects of this.
The first is the knowledge that for a woman to reach amazing peaks of pleasure, she needs time.
So men were, and the information is available to day, to conserve their sexual energy, to build it and move it through their bodies.
This allows them to have sex for extended periods of time to fulfill their partners.
The benefit of this is that male pleasure is actually increased radically as well that of the female.
By being able to delay the orgasm, the man is able to move into an orgasmic state, experiencing many phases of orgasmic energy, subtle and powerful, that adds a great deal to the male sexual experience.
The second aspect of the issue is that when a man has an ejaculation, he loses his power.
This is demonstrated by the fact that after a man ejaculates, he finds it hard to stay awake, the desire to sleep or rest is enormous, sometimes overwhelming.
Learning the difference between orgasm and ejaculation changes this response totally.
It's also a powerful clue in learning to become multi orgasmic, as a man IS able to have many orgasms.
The secret is not to ejaculate, because that's the final whistle.
This is where we begin to learn that orgasm and ejaculation are physically separate processes in the body, we've just never separated them and have always experienced ejaculation with orgasm.
The third possibility is a mixture of Eastern and Western ideas.
This is getting totally out of the goal, not having an ejaculation or an orgasm.
This practice allows a man to be totally in the moment, to experience the fullness of sensation and a very deep connection with his partner.
When we're focusing on the goal of orgasm, when we're reaching for it, doing what we need to do to get there, we're not in the moment, our mind, our energy is elsewhere.
This detracts from the pleasure we experience, simply because we're not allowing ourselves the fullness of the moment.
Parts of us are elsewhere.
The amazing thing about this is that it can move us into an orgasmic state, orgasm as verb rather than noun, orgasm as a state of being not an event, as in having an orgasm.
This can last for hours, with sensations, energies and feelings that can be a part of us for days after.
The greatest challenge for men moving into any of these experiences is mind set.
So much of what we do in our lives is out of habit, sexually we're no different.
We do what we know, what we're used to.
The idea of having sex and not ejaculating seems inconceivable for many men, as does the idea of two or three orgasms.
Bringing a new mind set to our sexual experience is challenging.
It forces us to move out of the comfort zone into very unknown territory.
It also requires some retraining.
Our bodies are so used to sex, with ourselves as well as a partner, ending in a certain specific way, i.
e.
orgasm and ejaculation, that behaving differently means we have to consciously change what we're doing.
In order to experience orgasm without ejaculation, multiple orgasms and an orgasmic state also requires some learning and practice.
And this is where we often fall down because the little word with a big attitude comes to the fore: ego.
On one level we say that the sex we're having is fine, we're always satisfied so it's OK.
Yes it is.
BUT.
There's more.
Like all other things in life we have a choice on the quality of experience we'd like.
You can stick with what you have, but you can also learn to go deeper into intimacy and pleasure, to find and enjoy greater fulfillment.
The learning involves technique.
A great deal of sexual success is about technique, learning about, in this case, our own bodies.
Then understanding the philosophy, the ideas behind these practices and how they work.
That's the easy part.
The practice is the hard part, because to achieve satisfaction with any of these requires practice.
Not always a great deal, but a commitment to doing something that will bring about a change in our sexual response.
Some of the techniques are more complicated, such as learning absolute control over your pelvic floor muscles, pc muscles, for short.
The exercises for this involve contracting and relaxing the muscles in various ways to strengthen them, and then ultimately control your orgasmic response.
This can take months of dedicated practice.
Some of the techniques are simpler, learning points and breathing that allow you to have the experience.
Whatever path you choose on this journey, making a conscious for a deeper sexual experience as a man, learning the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, allowing yourself more than one or two orgasms, is freeing.
It liberates you from a pattern where you have no real choice other than responding to a stimulus to making orgasm, ejaculation, the orgasmic state, whatever you like, a choice.
And in this is great power!