Signs of Jealousy In Children: How to React As a Parent
What do you do when one of your children begins to act out in jealousy towards their siblings? This often happens with older siblings who have a little brother or sister that is in the toddler age.
My husband and I had worked very hard to make sure that jealous was never an issue between our daughters, but some situations are simply out of our control.
This situation arose when I purchased wall decals for them to put above their beds to replace the missing headboards.
While applying, my oldest daughter accidentally ripped one of the pictures, a lion.
So I helped her position it on the wall in a way that practically didn't show.
She was visibly upset about the fact that her lion was ripped but her sister's was not as ripped.
I therefore explained to her that not everything needed to be perfect and that this made her lion unique, and that it really didn't show much.
The next day, she came to me claiming that her sister's lion had a rip too.
I simply agreed with her statement and forgot about it.
To my surprise that evening as I sat on the little one's bed to read a bedtime story, the lion had a rip of about two inches through its head.
Keep calm! Talk, don't yell; explain, don't reprimand; look for signs of remorse.
To begin with, whatever you do, don't raise your voice.
I know this is hard and I admit that this is the most difficult thing for me as well.
But it is absolutely crucial because if you yell, or even raise your voice a little too loud, your child will simply stop listening.
I have learned that a slightly exaggerated gasp will be more efficient at grabbing a young child's attention than yelling at them.
Ask your child what happened and stop there.
Not another word.
Let your child tell you.
You may be faced with silence and in this case you can go on to asking if he or she did that.
Always wait for your child to answer.
Don't assume and don't accuse.
Always finish by asking why your child did such a thing! They may have a reason completely different from what you are thinking.
Your next step, always in a cool, calm and collected manner, is to explain to your child why this is wrong.
Don't be afraid to turn the tables on them and ask how they would feel if someone else did the same thing to them.
In my case I know my daughter loves her shoes, so I asked her if it would be okay for me to make a rip a hole in her shoes if I was upset that my shoes had a rip in them.
This is very important, because children don't always understand what you are saying until you make them feel what it's like to be on the receiving end.
Go ahead and focus on what they like most.
It is best to do it once and do it full force than to do it in a nice way and have to repeat the experience again.
Lastly, your job isn't done as a parent until your child shows you a clear sign of remorse and you can see that they are sorry for what they have done.
In my daughter's case, she burst out in tears and cried uncontrollably for a few minutes.
I asked repeatedly why she was crying and finally she answered that it was because she ripped her sister's lion.
I knew then that she got it.
Your child may react very differently.
You may have a strong silent type who will have his eyes down, staring at his feet.
You know your child best and you will know when you have gotten through to them.
In conclusion, the most important thing when dealing with your child damaging another person's belongings is to stay as cool as a cucumber.
Shouting will get you nowhere and will actually be counterproductive.
Children react better when you talk to them and tend to shut you out when you yell.
Explain why it's wrong and make them think about how they would feel if their things had been damaged.
Children often have a logic that is completely different from that of adults and they may not grasp why it's wrong.
Finally, make sure you child has understood the lesson, or you may be repeating it many times over.
Childhood is a time for exploring and learning new things.
Learning to respect what belongs to others is one of those lessons that your child must learn sooner or later.
So when the issue arises, don't hesitate to teach them.
My husband and I had worked very hard to make sure that jealous was never an issue between our daughters, but some situations are simply out of our control.
This situation arose when I purchased wall decals for them to put above their beds to replace the missing headboards.
While applying, my oldest daughter accidentally ripped one of the pictures, a lion.
So I helped her position it on the wall in a way that practically didn't show.
She was visibly upset about the fact that her lion was ripped but her sister's was not as ripped.
I therefore explained to her that not everything needed to be perfect and that this made her lion unique, and that it really didn't show much.
The next day, she came to me claiming that her sister's lion had a rip too.
I simply agreed with her statement and forgot about it.
To my surprise that evening as I sat on the little one's bed to read a bedtime story, the lion had a rip of about two inches through its head.
Keep calm! Talk, don't yell; explain, don't reprimand; look for signs of remorse.
To begin with, whatever you do, don't raise your voice.
I know this is hard and I admit that this is the most difficult thing for me as well.
But it is absolutely crucial because if you yell, or even raise your voice a little too loud, your child will simply stop listening.
I have learned that a slightly exaggerated gasp will be more efficient at grabbing a young child's attention than yelling at them.
Ask your child what happened and stop there.
Not another word.
Let your child tell you.
You may be faced with silence and in this case you can go on to asking if he or she did that.
Always wait for your child to answer.
Don't assume and don't accuse.
Always finish by asking why your child did such a thing! They may have a reason completely different from what you are thinking.
Your next step, always in a cool, calm and collected manner, is to explain to your child why this is wrong.
Don't be afraid to turn the tables on them and ask how they would feel if someone else did the same thing to them.
In my case I know my daughter loves her shoes, so I asked her if it would be okay for me to make a rip a hole in her shoes if I was upset that my shoes had a rip in them.
This is very important, because children don't always understand what you are saying until you make them feel what it's like to be on the receiving end.
Go ahead and focus on what they like most.
It is best to do it once and do it full force than to do it in a nice way and have to repeat the experience again.
Lastly, your job isn't done as a parent until your child shows you a clear sign of remorse and you can see that they are sorry for what they have done.
In my daughter's case, she burst out in tears and cried uncontrollably for a few minutes.
I asked repeatedly why she was crying and finally she answered that it was because she ripped her sister's lion.
I knew then that she got it.
Your child may react very differently.
You may have a strong silent type who will have his eyes down, staring at his feet.
You know your child best and you will know when you have gotten through to them.
In conclusion, the most important thing when dealing with your child damaging another person's belongings is to stay as cool as a cucumber.
Shouting will get you nowhere and will actually be counterproductive.
Children react better when you talk to them and tend to shut you out when you yell.
Explain why it's wrong and make them think about how they would feel if their things had been damaged.
Children often have a logic that is completely different from that of adults and they may not grasp why it's wrong.
Finally, make sure you child has understood the lesson, or you may be repeating it many times over.
Childhood is a time for exploring and learning new things.
Learning to respect what belongs to others is one of those lessons that your child must learn sooner or later.
So when the issue arises, don't hesitate to teach them.
