Shame, Anger, and Temperament
In a campaign analysis story in the Washington Post on April 20th, Michael Leary seems to suggest that John McCain's reputation for having a hot temper, especially when he feels betrayed or disrespected, could have two origins.
It was noted that he had tantrums as a toddler in which he held his breath until he fainted.
And Leary also points out thatwhen McCain was growing up as a military dependent, moving often, and always the new kid on the block, he responded to the humiliating role of the outsider with anger and defiance.
This raises the question of whether temperament is innate or learned, nature or nurture, and what aspects of nurture might contribute to an angry temperament.
We all come into the world equipped with a set of powerful emotions that have essential survival value in the most dangerous situations we faced in more primitive times.
These include the basic emotions of fear, anger, and shame, as well as the capacity for sadness, joy, and other emotional states.
Observation of a few very young children can make it clear that some children seem to be born with a greater tendency toward fear, some with a greater tendency toward anger, and some predisposed to shyness, and there are other possible temperamental preferences that are seemingly innate.
But there is no doubt in my mind that these innate emotional predispositions can be reinforced or moderated by experience and learning.
Most children have some episodes of frustration that they express in infantile rage, but most learn to calm themselves enough that they avoid the parental or public censure that comes from inappropriate expression of anger later in childhood.
It is not commonly understood that shame, the affect of surrender, is one of the basic hardwired emotional reactions with which we are born.
Shame almost always evokes anger in its wake, though the anger may be turned inward, leading to problems of self esteem, or it may be directed outward, either at the source of the shame, or displaced onto others.
If a child experiences frequently recurring failure or humiliation, he may learn to respond to these events with depression and low self esteem or with anger.
The pattern is reinforced by repetition, and temperament is formed through the combination of innate predisposition and the reinforcement of experience.
McCain's experience of frequent moving no doubt exposed him to the humiliating ostracism of peers, especially in adolescence when the competition for social status tends to be most intense.
It is understandable that this would reinforce an earlier tendency to react to frustration with defiance and rage.
It should be pointed out that anger can be a very healthy response in some situations.
It could very well be that McCain's intense anger at his enemies while he was a prisoner of war enabled him to survive his long ordeal when someone else, less predisposed to defiance, would have succumbed.
But excessive anger can be a health hazard as well as a social hazard.
This is an emotion designed for emergencies, and chronic anger takes a toll on the body.
The social hazard results from the fact that people tend to avoid someone who is often intensely angry, and subordinates may be reluctant to deliver bad news even if it is truthful and necessary.
Can people change a pattern of temperament that has been with them for a lifetime?There is evidence to suggest that we can, if the motivation is strong enough.
Domestic violence offenders have been able to learn techniques to quiet their rages when they know that the alternative is jail and loss of their families.
When they succeed in changing their behavior, this change is rewarded by more satisfying relationships.
But some highly successful individuals have found that expression of anger works for them in situations where power and competition are at play, and their motivation to give make a radical change in their behavior may be compromised by the often reinforced value of expressing the anger.
Finally, we have to consider the age of the individual attempting to make the change.
A thirty year old who has had 25 years of practice in an angry behavior pattern and is facing the need to change with serious consequences to a long life ahead if he does not is clearly in a better position to change than a 70 year old with 65 years of practice and a record of accomplishment that buffers him from the consequences of not changing.
It was noted that he had tantrums as a toddler in which he held his breath until he fainted.
And Leary also points out thatwhen McCain was growing up as a military dependent, moving often, and always the new kid on the block, he responded to the humiliating role of the outsider with anger and defiance.
This raises the question of whether temperament is innate or learned, nature or nurture, and what aspects of nurture might contribute to an angry temperament.
We all come into the world equipped with a set of powerful emotions that have essential survival value in the most dangerous situations we faced in more primitive times.
These include the basic emotions of fear, anger, and shame, as well as the capacity for sadness, joy, and other emotional states.
Observation of a few very young children can make it clear that some children seem to be born with a greater tendency toward fear, some with a greater tendency toward anger, and some predisposed to shyness, and there are other possible temperamental preferences that are seemingly innate.
But there is no doubt in my mind that these innate emotional predispositions can be reinforced or moderated by experience and learning.
Most children have some episodes of frustration that they express in infantile rage, but most learn to calm themselves enough that they avoid the parental or public censure that comes from inappropriate expression of anger later in childhood.
It is not commonly understood that shame, the affect of surrender, is one of the basic hardwired emotional reactions with which we are born.
Shame almost always evokes anger in its wake, though the anger may be turned inward, leading to problems of self esteem, or it may be directed outward, either at the source of the shame, or displaced onto others.
If a child experiences frequently recurring failure or humiliation, he may learn to respond to these events with depression and low self esteem or with anger.
The pattern is reinforced by repetition, and temperament is formed through the combination of innate predisposition and the reinforcement of experience.
McCain's experience of frequent moving no doubt exposed him to the humiliating ostracism of peers, especially in adolescence when the competition for social status tends to be most intense.
It is understandable that this would reinforce an earlier tendency to react to frustration with defiance and rage.
It should be pointed out that anger can be a very healthy response in some situations.
It could very well be that McCain's intense anger at his enemies while he was a prisoner of war enabled him to survive his long ordeal when someone else, less predisposed to defiance, would have succumbed.
But excessive anger can be a health hazard as well as a social hazard.
This is an emotion designed for emergencies, and chronic anger takes a toll on the body.
The social hazard results from the fact that people tend to avoid someone who is often intensely angry, and subordinates may be reluctant to deliver bad news even if it is truthful and necessary.
Can people change a pattern of temperament that has been with them for a lifetime?There is evidence to suggest that we can, if the motivation is strong enough.
Domestic violence offenders have been able to learn techniques to quiet their rages when they know that the alternative is jail and loss of their families.
When they succeed in changing their behavior, this change is rewarded by more satisfying relationships.
But some highly successful individuals have found that expression of anger works for them in situations where power and competition are at play, and their motivation to give make a radical change in their behavior may be compromised by the often reinforced value of expressing the anger.
Finally, we have to consider the age of the individual attempting to make the change.
A thirty year old who has had 25 years of practice in an angry behavior pattern and is facing the need to change with serious consequences to a long life ahead if he does not is clearly in a better position to change than a 70 year old with 65 years of practice and a record of accomplishment that buffers him from the consequences of not changing.
