Addiction, all too common, with alcoholism being the primary culprit, is well-known as an insidious and, at times, overwhelming element in a couple's incompatibility. Abuse, frequent outbursts of anger or withdrawal, fears in family members and decreasing communication are well-know in families with an addictive partner. Children dread the contact with an addictive parents never knowing when danger can erupt

Alcohol is the most pervasive and extensive addiction as a major cause of marital discord. An alcoholic mother or father creates high tension levels for an entire family. The alcoholic is frequently abusive, volatile, moody, and inconsistent in behavior toward the spouse and to the children. Unless the alcoholic seeks treatment and/or attends Alcoholic Anonymous there is only a slight chance of recovery.

If both partners are alcoholics the problem is compounded. Abuse and the concomitant aftermath of guilt and repeated promises to give up drinking are added to binges and the potential violence, when both are simultaneously inebriated. The way the addiction is expressed and controlled determines the intensity of the expected incompatibility.

Addiction to other drugs, as heroin, methamphetamine, pot and even cigarettes, can impact on a family. Today, smoking cigarettes has become a highly charged and an unacceptable addiction for many. People are repelled by smokers and are fearful of the effects of secondary smoke. If a smoker is unable to overcome his cigarette addiction the need to respect the spouse and family is important. Many such smokers no longer smoke in their own house, trying to protect family members from the smoke. The widespread physical disorders and the early death resulting from smoking contribute to its impact on a spouse.

Addiction to hard drugs is far more insidious and devastating to a spouse. Its impact on finances, intimacy, sharing lives, and being able to love causes many relationships to suffer.

Any addiction, whether to alcohol, hard drugs, or to food, sex, video games, obsessive reading mystery stories, or even exercise can interfere with relationships. Behind addictions may lie feelings of negative self-esteem, depression, chronic anxiety and feelings of inferiority. In some cases, there is a need to bury oneself in an activity or drug to escape inner fears and guilt and avoid self-awareness and insight.

Reaching the highest levels of love, intimacy, communication and sharing come from the building of understanding and trust. For in-depth suggestions, advice and methods to improve your relationship read "A Guide to Healthy Relationships." 

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review "A Guide to Healthy Relationships" and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson's highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts. 

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.