Wondering If You're In A Toxic Relationship
Copyright (c) 2010 Ted Sikkink
Here are some telltale signs that indicate that what you have is a toxic relationship.
- Your partner verbally abuses you even in the company of friends. While he may always say that he loves you, his verbal tirades say otherwise.
- Your partner is a control freak. He continually checks your location, showing up unexpectedly and even reading your mails.
- Your partner makes you dependent. You become unrecognizable by changing so much simply to please your partner.
Toxic people are bad for you - they can literally make you ill just by being with them. You may ask why would anyone want to stay in a toxic relationship, even when the threat of being physically and emotionally hurt is imminent?
Being in a toxic relationship has its own cycle. The relationship goes through ups and down, through periods of breakups and reconciliation, only to go through the whole cycle again. When the relationship is new, there is what is often called a "honeymoon" stage. Time passes by and when you are so deep into the relationship, that's when the realization will hit you that you are actually in a toxic relationship. Usually it will be too late to try and get out of the situation.
One of the common reasons why people end up in a toxic relationship is that they have been witnesses to a relationship that was also toxic, while they were growing up usually in their own families. What is familiar is often replicated subconsciously. Some people believe they deserve to be unhappy. To some, putting other's needs before theirs give them pleasure and satisfaction.
Your first step in getting out and keeping away from toxic relationships is a realization that you have the freedom to make new choices. More often than not, people stay in abusive relationships because they feel they have no other options left. If you realize you do have a choice, the next valuable step is to stand up for what you believe is right for yourself. Most toxic relationships make the victim believe it is their fault. As one gets caught in it, it will be hard to walk away or start the healing process to mend the relationship. This is when therapy, and being in the company of people who love and support you can help.
There is some good news to people in this type of relationship - some people have been known to survive and walk out of toxic relationships. They were able to start a new leaf in their lives and engage in more meaningful relationships.
There is no such thing as being left with no options. Your option could be to stay in a toxic relationship or to do something about it. If you choose to claim your independence, you will feel encouraged to start all over and walk out of toxic relationships.
If you feel that hope is not lost, and that your relationship can still be rescued, ask your partner to join you in counseling. This usually helps and can prevent the relationship from deteriorating further. Whatever your decision will be, remember to love yourself and remind yourself that you also deserve to be loved.
Here are some telltale signs that indicate that what you have is a toxic relationship.
- Your partner verbally abuses you even in the company of friends. While he may always say that he loves you, his verbal tirades say otherwise.
- Your partner is a control freak. He continually checks your location, showing up unexpectedly and even reading your mails.
- Your partner makes you dependent. You become unrecognizable by changing so much simply to please your partner.
Toxic people are bad for you - they can literally make you ill just by being with them. You may ask why would anyone want to stay in a toxic relationship, even when the threat of being physically and emotionally hurt is imminent?
Being in a toxic relationship has its own cycle. The relationship goes through ups and down, through periods of breakups and reconciliation, only to go through the whole cycle again. When the relationship is new, there is what is often called a "honeymoon" stage. Time passes by and when you are so deep into the relationship, that's when the realization will hit you that you are actually in a toxic relationship. Usually it will be too late to try and get out of the situation.
One of the common reasons why people end up in a toxic relationship is that they have been witnesses to a relationship that was also toxic, while they were growing up usually in their own families. What is familiar is often replicated subconsciously. Some people believe they deserve to be unhappy. To some, putting other's needs before theirs give them pleasure and satisfaction.
Your first step in getting out and keeping away from toxic relationships is a realization that you have the freedom to make new choices. More often than not, people stay in abusive relationships because they feel they have no other options left. If you realize you do have a choice, the next valuable step is to stand up for what you believe is right for yourself. Most toxic relationships make the victim believe it is their fault. As one gets caught in it, it will be hard to walk away or start the healing process to mend the relationship. This is when therapy, and being in the company of people who love and support you can help.
There is some good news to people in this type of relationship - some people have been known to survive and walk out of toxic relationships. They were able to start a new leaf in their lives and engage in more meaningful relationships.
There is no such thing as being left with no options. Your option could be to stay in a toxic relationship or to do something about it. If you choose to claim your independence, you will feel encouraged to start all over and walk out of toxic relationships.
If you feel that hope is not lost, and that your relationship can still be rescued, ask your partner to join you in counseling. This usually helps and can prevent the relationship from deteriorating further. Whatever your decision will be, remember to love yourself and remind yourself that you also deserve to be loved.
