What to Do When He Says He Doesn"t Want a Relationship
Things seem to be going really well between you and a fabulous guy, and then he lowers the boom: He doesn't want a relationship.
And you're baffled because his behavior indicated that he certainly wanted a relationship.
You have two options.
Choose one: a)Convince him he's making a mistake.
You're made for one another.
He will regret it if he misses his chance for true love with you, the woman who will cook for him, clean for him, and take his car for oil changes.
Enlist his friends to remind him how great you are.
Talk to his sister.
Talk to his mother.
Arrange to bump into him at his favorite bar.
Just happen to walk past the school where his kid practices soccer.
Or...
b)Tell him the truth.
Say, "Wow.
I'm so sorry you don't want a relationship because I really care for you, and I thought you felt the same way.
But you don't, and I respect you for telling me.
Thank you.
I'm not going to tell you I'm not hurt, but I'm sure you're right.
This is for the best.
(Make a graceful exit.
Save the tears for when you get home.
) Which approach do you think gives a man room (and time) to reconsider his decision? Which approach do you think makes you appear elegant, self-possessed, and poised? Which approach puts you back in the driver's seat? (Because if the guy is going to reconsider and come back, he's going to come back.
And if he isn't going to come back, better to know that right now.
Why waste precious time on somebody who doesn't want you? This is your life we're talking about.
) Okay, say you choose to use the better approach -- which would be (b) -- and he does come back.
What then? Well, it's always best to beyour charming, affectionate self, but it's also wise to keep your guard up.
Make him show a bit of effort.
Make him reach for you.
Don't allow some wishy-washy man who doesn't know what he wants to play around.
You are not a yo-yo.
Be available to see him when it suits you.
Fill your time with activities that please you.
Make him fit himself into your schedule.
If he's the man you think he is, he'll respect you for it.
Please know that certain men (substandard ones) make a habit of acting like they want a relationship, and then saying they don't.
Then they pop up every now and then to stare into your eyes and fall into your bed.
You allow yourself to believe that this type of man does indeed want a relationship but is deathly afraid of getting hurt, and you're the woman to help him get over his fears.
And, then, he lowers the boom again: He doesn't want a relationship.
And, no, he doesn't feel guilty about sleeping with you because you knew this from the beginning.
If some clown does this to you, shake it off.
Stand tall, walk away, and remember what the late great advice columnist Ann Landers used to say: "Time wounds all heels.
" Know that much better men exist.
It's your responsibility to hold out for one.
And you're baffled because his behavior indicated that he certainly wanted a relationship.
You have two options.
Choose one: a)Convince him he's making a mistake.
You're made for one another.
He will regret it if he misses his chance for true love with you, the woman who will cook for him, clean for him, and take his car for oil changes.
Enlist his friends to remind him how great you are.
Talk to his sister.
Talk to his mother.
Arrange to bump into him at his favorite bar.
Just happen to walk past the school where his kid practices soccer.
Or...
b)Tell him the truth.
Say, "Wow.
I'm so sorry you don't want a relationship because I really care for you, and I thought you felt the same way.
But you don't, and I respect you for telling me.
Thank you.
I'm not going to tell you I'm not hurt, but I'm sure you're right.
This is for the best.
(Make a graceful exit.
Save the tears for when you get home.
) Which approach do you think gives a man room (and time) to reconsider his decision? Which approach do you think makes you appear elegant, self-possessed, and poised? Which approach puts you back in the driver's seat? (Because if the guy is going to reconsider and come back, he's going to come back.
And if he isn't going to come back, better to know that right now.
Why waste precious time on somebody who doesn't want you? This is your life we're talking about.
) Okay, say you choose to use the better approach -- which would be (b) -- and he does come back.
What then? Well, it's always best to beyour charming, affectionate self, but it's also wise to keep your guard up.
Make him show a bit of effort.
Make him reach for you.
Don't allow some wishy-washy man who doesn't know what he wants to play around.
You are not a yo-yo.
Be available to see him when it suits you.
Fill your time with activities that please you.
Make him fit himself into your schedule.
If he's the man you think he is, he'll respect you for it.
Please know that certain men (substandard ones) make a habit of acting like they want a relationship, and then saying they don't.
Then they pop up every now and then to stare into your eyes and fall into your bed.
You allow yourself to believe that this type of man does indeed want a relationship but is deathly afraid of getting hurt, and you're the woman to help him get over his fears.
And, then, he lowers the boom again: He doesn't want a relationship.
And, no, he doesn't feel guilty about sleeping with you because you knew this from the beginning.
If some clown does this to you, shake it off.
Stand tall, walk away, and remember what the late great advice columnist Ann Landers used to say: "Time wounds all heels.
" Know that much better men exist.
It's your responsibility to hold out for one.
