Looking a Wedding Gift Horse in the Mouth
When you are planning a wedding, it is hard to say no to offers of help.
Your friends and family want to assist you in making your dreams come true, which is wonderful.
Be aware, though, that with many gifts, there may be strings attached.
In many families, money equals control.
So before jumping on an offer from a family member to give you money for your wedding or to pay for a particular vendor, take some time to really think it through.
I have seen many cases where money given for the wedding came with many conditions attached, to the point where the bride and groom often wished that they had declined the offer.
There are some questions that you should ask yourself, or possibly even the donor, before accepting an offer of financial help for your wedding.
For instance, if your mother says that she would like to pay for your wedding gown, does she have a strict budget in mind? I have known brides who could have afforded to purchase their own wedding gown, veil, and jewelry, but accepting a well-meaning offer from a mother or mother-in-law resulted in a lot of conflict over the price of everything.
If your mother thinks that you should only spend a certain amount on your bridal gown, veil, and wedding jewelry, you will be in trouble if you fall in love with a more expensive wedding ensemble, even if you are willing to pay the additional cost.
This is because your mother may end up thinking that you are implying that her original offer wasn't generous enough.
Ouch! Another couple that I once knew accepted a $5000 check from the groom's mother to help cover the wedding expenses.
It was a nice gift, right? Well, it would have been, except that the mother of the groom decided that she should have the right to dictate how they spent not only the money that she gifted, but all of their wedding funds.
Her demands included things that the bride and groom had never planned for in their original budget, like limos for all of her friends, that put the couple way beyond what they had planned to spend.
The demands that accompanied the original gift of $5000 ended up costing this poor bride and groom so much that they had to cancel their honeymoon! Sometimes you will get an offer from someone to make something for your wedding.
There is nothing sweeter than a gift from the hands and heart, but make sure that you know what you will be getting before agreeing to anything.
If your friend is Martha Stewart, then by all means, let her handmake whatever she wants for your wedding! On the other hand, sometimes our friends and family have great ideas, but not the talent to execute them to a high level.
If you have ever seen a poorly done homemade wedding dress or tiara, you will realize why people usually leave this stuff to the professionals.
None of this is meant to imply that you should not accept offers of help for your wedding.
Most of them are given in the spirit of love, and should be accepted in the same way.
The reality, in fact, is that most couples could not manage to have a nice wedding without a little help.
But before leaping on every offer that comes down the pike, be sure that you know exactly what obligations will come with it.
Your friends and family want to assist you in making your dreams come true, which is wonderful.
Be aware, though, that with many gifts, there may be strings attached.
In many families, money equals control.
So before jumping on an offer from a family member to give you money for your wedding or to pay for a particular vendor, take some time to really think it through.
I have seen many cases where money given for the wedding came with many conditions attached, to the point where the bride and groom often wished that they had declined the offer.
There are some questions that you should ask yourself, or possibly even the donor, before accepting an offer of financial help for your wedding.
For instance, if your mother says that she would like to pay for your wedding gown, does she have a strict budget in mind? I have known brides who could have afforded to purchase their own wedding gown, veil, and jewelry, but accepting a well-meaning offer from a mother or mother-in-law resulted in a lot of conflict over the price of everything.
If your mother thinks that you should only spend a certain amount on your bridal gown, veil, and wedding jewelry, you will be in trouble if you fall in love with a more expensive wedding ensemble, even if you are willing to pay the additional cost.
This is because your mother may end up thinking that you are implying that her original offer wasn't generous enough.
Ouch! Another couple that I once knew accepted a $5000 check from the groom's mother to help cover the wedding expenses.
It was a nice gift, right? Well, it would have been, except that the mother of the groom decided that she should have the right to dictate how they spent not only the money that she gifted, but all of their wedding funds.
Her demands included things that the bride and groom had never planned for in their original budget, like limos for all of her friends, that put the couple way beyond what they had planned to spend.
The demands that accompanied the original gift of $5000 ended up costing this poor bride and groom so much that they had to cancel their honeymoon! Sometimes you will get an offer from someone to make something for your wedding.
There is nothing sweeter than a gift from the hands and heart, but make sure that you know what you will be getting before agreeing to anything.
If your friend is Martha Stewart, then by all means, let her handmake whatever she wants for your wedding! On the other hand, sometimes our friends and family have great ideas, but not the talent to execute them to a high level.
If you have ever seen a poorly done homemade wedding dress or tiara, you will realize why people usually leave this stuff to the professionals.
None of this is meant to imply that you should not accept offers of help for your wedding.
Most of them are given in the spirit of love, and should be accepted in the same way.
The reality, in fact, is that most couples could not manage to have a nice wedding without a little help.
But before leaping on every offer that comes down the pike, be sure that you know exactly what obligations will come with it.
