Does Effective Sex Make Or Break a Relationship?
I have stated in a previous article that I discovered from an early age my proficiency in the art of love making.
I have always joked that "everybody needs to good at something" but it can also apply unnecessary pressure to a relationship.
The realisation of said proficiency goes back to my early days in the Royal Air Force.
I was a young fire-fighter living a simple care-free life with numerous opportunities for romance but it was by no means an instantaneous happening.
I was a virgin up until the age of nineteen.
I had been offered chances of being with young women from the age of thirteen but it just never seemed to be the right time.
I was almost seduced at the age of fourteen by a then much older seventeen year old but I was scared by the thought and pressure of the situation and it simply never happened.
Only when I was nineteen did the time seem to be right and it happened after a night out in Inverness, Scotland.
A simple tryst between a birthday celebrating girl and I that led to a three month relationship.
That first nights act was simple, effective and certainly not earth shattering in its application but it was at least out of the way.
The problem for young men and indeed women is the lack of feedback from the evenings partner.
Older women have the confidence and experience to inform their lovers whether the act of love making was enjoyable or lamentable but that feedback is what is required from the start.
I would have said my first few attempts were average, nothing new, nothing different and nothing to write home about but we all need to start somewhere.
The first inkling I had of something more than an average performance in bed was an accidental reading of a former girlfriends diary.
We had been together two years when we split.
She moved away to another area but happened to leave her diary in the bottom of a drawer that I found almost twelve months following her departure.
I happened to be flicking through it and read of her opinions towards our sex life.
Obviously her view at the time could have been biased as we had grown very close so therefore it could be regarded as being unreliable in a scientific arena.
That said she could only describe her pleasures as being what they were at the time and this put me in a very good light.
My immediate delight on reading this was understandable but after a while it did lead to me wondering what had I managed to do differently to those before me.
Written word is of course infinitely more reliable than spoken.
I have had many female friends who have said they frequently if not always inform their partners of the delights following their sexual encounters.
This is a blatant lie.
Women in general do not wish to belittle their partners or take chance on reducing their confidence and as such often lie.
This is where the process falls down.
How are men expected to improve if they do not realise their failings? To this day I have had many friends who have said they simply do not achieve orgasm through intercourse.
They live with this and grow used to it often citing sex as something they feel they need to do in order to please their men.
I find this so sad but understandable.
To most women sex is part of the overall package.
If performed badly it will not cause the breakdown of the relationship, they will simply adapt and free up some alone time.
I would be delighted to explain the differences between myself and other men but that is almost impossible given I have no idea what the other men do wrong.
It can be simple things like only being interested in their own pleasure and assuming their partners enjoys it as much simply because they are part of the process.
It can be a lack of knowledge of the female form and where to touch them to maximise her pleasure.
There is of course the old favourite concerning a lack of foreplay and all of these arguments are valid.
What I will say is that all women deserve and enjoy pleasurable sex.
There is no magic secret to it other than for men to try and understand how their partners body works and what it is turns them on.
The other thing and is in itself a major factor is the ability to realise that her first orgasm is simply the beginning.
I have always taken pleasure from the fact that my partner has enjoyed herself.
If that means the lack of an orgasm for me then so be it.
Sometimes that needs to happen in order to ensure my partners full satisfaction.
My current partner was my friend before she was my lover.
We had spoken many times about how she had only ever experienced orgasm on two to three times occasions during intercourse with her boyfriends but that she could always manage it when self administering.
She is now disappointed should she not experience four or five orgasms every time we make love.
This is not intended to make me look like some kind of love god for I am not.
I have simply learned to know what women enjoy and where to touch them and what to do.
I always view her first orgasm as the foundation.
Every man should realise that it is so simple to provide their partners with multiple orgasms after that first one.
They can follow every minute or so after the first for as long as the woman can take it.
The most I have ever counted is seventeen or so.
The average is around five.
Again this is not difficult to achieve, you simply need to want to do it.
Success in bed though does not always mean a successful relationship and it can cause its own issues.
I have been in cases where the relationship is not ever likely to be successful but can be so difficult to end given each others reaction to the bedroom routine.
Both women and men can sometimes be so desperate for sexual gratification that it clouds other relationship issues.
I am undoubted in my belief that men and women should begin relationships based on friendship, understanding and acceptance of each other.
Only when these facets prove successful should sex enter the equation.
Should the sex be disappointing then you can work it out between you to ensure mutual happiness as it is based upon strong foundations.
Should the sex be great then it will cement your relationship and accelerate it to the next level.
To base anything upon your first sexual encounter, good or bad, can either confuse future issues or immediately end what could have been a fantastic liaison.
So does being able to be a great lover mean eternal happiness in a relationship? No, it merely adds to what should already be a loving partnership.
Does being a bad lover mean the end of it all? No, but imagine how good your already happy contented relationship would be if you could honestly say you were getting what you wanted out of your sex life.
Learning to make love properly can be achieved as I do not believe that any man cannot be taught do it properly but finding that one special person is infinitely more difficult and sex should never get in the way of finding it.
I have always joked that "everybody needs to good at something" but it can also apply unnecessary pressure to a relationship.
The realisation of said proficiency goes back to my early days in the Royal Air Force.
I was a young fire-fighter living a simple care-free life with numerous opportunities for romance but it was by no means an instantaneous happening.
I was a virgin up until the age of nineteen.
I had been offered chances of being with young women from the age of thirteen but it just never seemed to be the right time.
I was almost seduced at the age of fourteen by a then much older seventeen year old but I was scared by the thought and pressure of the situation and it simply never happened.
Only when I was nineteen did the time seem to be right and it happened after a night out in Inverness, Scotland.
A simple tryst between a birthday celebrating girl and I that led to a three month relationship.
That first nights act was simple, effective and certainly not earth shattering in its application but it was at least out of the way.
The problem for young men and indeed women is the lack of feedback from the evenings partner.
Older women have the confidence and experience to inform their lovers whether the act of love making was enjoyable or lamentable but that feedback is what is required from the start.
I would have said my first few attempts were average, nothing new, nothing different and nothing to write home about but we all need to start somewhere.
The first inkling I had of something more than an average performance in bed was an accidental reading of a former girlfriends diary.
We had been together two years when we split.
She moved away to another area but happened to leave her diary in the bottom of a drawer that I found almost twelve months following her departure.
I happened to be flicking through it and read of her opinions towards our sex life.
Obviously her view at the time could have been biased as we had grown very close so therefore it could be regarded as being unreliable in a scientific arena.
That said she could only describe her pleasures as being what they were at the time and this put me in a very good light.
My immediate delight on reading this was understandable but after a while it did lead to me wondering what had I managed to do differently to those before me.
Written word is of course infinitely more reliable than spoken.
I have had many female friends who have said they frequently if not always inform their partners of the delights following their sexual encounters.
This is a blatant lie.
Women in general do not wish to belittle their partners or take chance on reducing their confidence and as such often lie.
This is where the process falls down.
How are men expected to improve if they do not realise their failings? To this day I have had many friends who have said they simply do not achieve orgasm through intercourse.
They live with this and grow used to it often citing sex as something they feel they need to do in order to please their men.
I find this so sad but understandable.
To most women sex is part of the overall package.
If performed badly it will not cause the breakdown of the relationship, they will simply adapt and free up some alone time.
I would be delighted to explain the differences between myself and other men but that is almost impossible given I have no idea what the other men do wrong.
It can be simple things like only being interested in their own pleasure and assuming their partners enjoys it as much simply because they are part of the process.
It can be a lack of knowledge of the female form and where to touch them to maximise her pleasure.
There is of course the old favourite concerning a lack of foreplay and all of these arguments are valid.
What I will say is that all women deserve and enjoy pleasurable sex.
There is no magic secret to it other than for men to try and understand how their partners body works and what it is turns them on.
The other thing and is in itself a major factor is the ability to realise that her first orgasm is simply the beginning.
I have always taken pleasure from the fact that my partner has enjoyed herself.
If that means the lack of an orgasm for me then so be it.
Sometimes that needs to happen in order to ensure my partners full satisfaction.
My current partner was my friend before she was my lover.
We had spoken many times about how she had only ever experienced orgasm on two to three times occasions during intercourse with her boyfriends but that she could always manage it when self administering.
She is now disappointed should she not experience four or five orgasms every time we make love.
This is not intended to make me look like some kind of love god for I am not.
I have simply learned to know what women enjoy and where to touch them and what to do.
I always view her first orgasm as the foundation.
Every man should realise that it is so simple to provide their partners with multiple orgasms after that first one.
They can follow every minute or so after the first for as long as the woman can take it.
The most I have ever counted is seventeen or so.
The average is around five.
Again this is not difficult to achieve, you simply need to want to do it.
Success in bed though does not always mean a successful relationship and it can cause its own issues.
I have been in cases where the relationship is not ever likely to be successful but can be so difficult to end given each others reaction to the bedroom routine.
Both women and men can sometimes be so desperate for sexual gratification that it clouds other relationship issues.
I am undoubted in my belief that men and women should begin relationships based on friendship, understanding and acceptance of each other.
Only when these facets prove successful should sex enter the equation.
Should the sex be disappointing then you can work it out between you to ensure mutual happiness as it is based upon strong foundations.
Should the sex be great then it will cement your relationship and accelerate it to the next level.
To base anything upon your first sexual encounter, good or bad, can either confuse future issues or immediately end what could have been a fantastic liaison.
So does being able to be a great lover mean eternal happiness in a relationship? No, it merely adds to what should already be a loving partnership.
Does being a bad lover mean the end of it all? No, but imagine how good your already happy contented relationship would be if you could honestly say you were getting what you wanted out of your sex life.
Learning to make love properly can be achieved as I do not believe that any man cannot be taught do it properly but finding that one special person is infinitely more difficult and sex should never get in the way of finding it.
