Relationship Breakup Causes - Understanding Communication
One of the major causes of breakups in relationships is a break down in communication.
Looking back on the affect that communication has on relationships, there is an aspect of communication that bears looking at when wanting to build your relationship.
Every person on this planet starts life as a child, and as a child they develop all the characteristics and communication style of a child - relating to their parents.
This communication style is primarily emotion and feeling based because feelings are the first 'operating system' each person has.
As the child grows older they begin to develop the adult style of communication.They have developed the child style, and by observing their parents relating with them, they have subconsciously picked up on the parent style, so in effect, the last communication style they learn about is the adult style.
As an adult, we can consciously, or subconsciously, 'switch' between the three different communicating styles or ways of relating with the people around us.
Now, here is the interesting part: if a someone speaks to another in, for example, the 'parent' style of communicating, it can trigger, almost automatically the 'child' in that person. Likewise, if an adult speaks to a child in an emotion-based way, it would not be a surprise then, that the child responds to the emotions and does not really hear or 'listen' to the message.
Taking all of this into consideration, it would be no surprise that even as adults, a couple's communication can come undone if one or the other is always triggering the other person's child or parent, by expressing their words emotionally or by taking 'charge'.
Effective communication is only arrived at through talking adult to adult, sharing thoughts and ideas that impact on the relationship itself.
Of course, when both parties agree, it is ok for them to be playful - child to child, or when it is necessary, when one or the other needs nurturing or taking care of - parent to 'child', but for most of the time, the relationship will grow best adult to adult.
Healthy communication between two people is what builds a long, loving, lasting intimate relationship.
Knowing HOW you communicate can be the beginning of understanding your communication style and how you can make it work for you and the relationships you have with the people you care about.
Admittedly, being able to communicate well is absolutely essential when living with others, and is also one of the hardest skills for anyone to master.
Good communication also encompasses attributes like openness, honesty, trust and respect, which I would like to look at in relation to communication and relationship breakdowns, but there is not enough room here to cover this, so I will continue in my next article...
As we all know, prevention is better than cure, but even if your relationship has disintegrated to the point of relationship breakup or breakdown, a regaining of understanding and forgiveness can bring you both back together again.
Looking back on the affect that communication has on relationships, there is an aspect of communication that bears looking at when wanting to build your relationship.
Every person on this planet starts life as a child, and as a child they develop all the characteristics and communication style of a child - relating to their parents.
This communication style is primarily emotion and feeling based because feelings are the first 'operating system' each person has.
As the child grows older they begin to develop the adult style of communication.They have developed the child style, and by observing their parents relating with them, they have subconsciously picked up on the parent style, so in effect, the last communication style they learn about is the adult style.
As an adult, we can consciously, or subconsciously, 'switch' between the three different communicating styles or ways of relating with the people around us.
Now, here is the interesting part: if a someone speaks to another in, for example, the 'parent' style of communicating, it can trigger, almost automatically the 'child' in that person. Likewise, if an adult speaks to a child in an emotion-based way, it would not be a surprise then, that the child responds to the emotions and does not really hear or 'listen' to the message.
Taking all of this into consideration, it would be no surprise that even as adults, a couple's communication can come undone if one or the other is always triggering the other person's child or parent, by expressing their words emotionally or by taking 'charge'.
Effective communication is only arrived at through talking adult to adult, sharing thoughts and ideas that impact on the relationship itself.
Of course, when both parties agree, it is ok for them to be playful - child to child, or when it is necessary, when one or the other needs nurturing or taking care of - parent to 'child', but for most of the time, the relationship will grow best adult to adult.
Healthy communication between two people is what builds a long, loving, lasting intimate relationship.
Knowing HOW you communicate can be the beginning of understanding your communication style and how you can make it work for you and the relationships you have with the people you care about.
Admittedly, being able to communicate well is absolutely essential when living with others, and is also one of the hardest skills for anyone to master.
Good communication also encompasses attributes like openness, honesty, trust and respect, which I would like to look at in relation to communication and relationship breakdowns, but there is not enough room here to cover this, so I will continue in my next article...
As we all know, prevention is better than cure, but even if your relationship has disintegrated to the point of relationship breakup or breakdown, a regaining of understanding and forgiveness can bring you both back together again.
