The Guide To Help You To Speak With Your Parents About Assisted Living
The Conversations Most Worth Having Are Often the Most Difficult. Use this guide to help you speak to your parent about assisted living.
Parent: I'm managing fine, and besides, I'm Not Alone. I have you.
You: Of course you do, and you always will. But what if you fall, or can't get to the phone for whatever reason? At an assisted living, help will be closer than I am, from a staff who will know just what to do and be discreet about it. Besides, you shouldn't have to depend solely on me for company. You deserve more. Getting out with folks your own age will be great for you.
Parent: Couldn't we just have someone to come in and help me?
You: We can, but you'd still be by yourself most of the time. Alone. In fact, the cost of having someone come in to help you, plus all the living expenses you have now, would be about the same or even more than the cost at an assisted living. I hate seeing you cooped up here when you could be out doing things and getting involved like you used to.
Parent: I feel good most days, and I usually remember to take my pills.
You: I know you do, and I want you to keep having good days for a long time. Even one missed pill now and then-or one too many-could put you in the hospital. At an assisted living, someone can remind you exactly which pills you need to take and when.
Parent: I don't want strangers doing the cooking and the cleaning. We can manage together without me moving.
You: Isn't it frustrating to have your life defined by what you can't do instead of what you can do? There is a big difference between existing-just getting by-and really living. You rarely get out of the house. You deserve to be able to choose what you want to do and when instead of being dependent on others. And I can be your child again, instead of being your nurse, housekeeper and driver.
Parent: Everyone there is so old. I don't need that much help.
You: I respect your feelings. But the house is too much for you to manage and too much for me to help you with now. An assisted living is not a nursing home. It will be like moving into a new condo building with your own apartment, amazing food and interesting things to do. When you don't have to worry about the house, or wait around for me to help you get ready when I can, you'll actually be more independent than you are now-and hopefully for longer.
Parent: What if I don't like it.
You: Then you don't have to stay. But give it a chance-since they let you pay month to month, you're not locked in. We can arrange for you to try out a month or two. Maybe it's not the right answer forever, but it could be the right answer for now.
Parent: I'm managing fine, and besides, I'm Not Alone. I have you.
You: Of course you do, and you always will. But what if you fall, or can't get to the phone for whatever reason? At an assisted living, help will be closer than I am, from a staff who will know just what to do and be discreet about it. Besides, you shouldn't have to depend solely on me for company. You deserve more. Getting out with folks your own age will be great for you.
Parent: Couldn't we just have someone to come in and help me?
You: We can, but you'd still be by yourself most of the time. Alone. In fact, the cost of having someone come in to help you, plus all the living expenses you have now, would be about the same or even more than the cost at an assisted living. I hate seeing you cooped up here when you could be out doing things and getting involved like you used to.
Parent: I feel good most days, and I usually remember to take my pills.
You: I know you do, and I want you to keep having good days for a long time. Even one missed pill now and then-or one too many-could put you in the hospital. At an assisted living, someone can remind you exactly which pills you need to take and when.
Parent: I don't want strangers doing the cooking and the cleaning. We can manage together without me moving.
You: Isn't it frustrating to have your life defined by what you can't do instead of what you can do? There is a big difference between existing-just getting by-and really living. You rarely get out of the house. You deserve to be able to choose what you want to do and when instead of being dependent on others. And I can be your child again, instead of being your nurse, housekeeper and driver.
Parent: Everyone there is so old. I don't need that much help.
You: I respect your feelings. But the house is too much for you to manage and too much for me to help you with now. An assisted living is not a nursing home. It will be like moving into a new condo building with your own apartment, amazing food and interesting things to do. When you don't have to worry about the house, or wait around for me to help you get ready when I can, you'll actually be more independent than you are now-and hopefully for longer.
Parent: What if I don't like it.
You: Then you don't have to stay. But give it a chance-since they let you pay month to month, you're not locked in. We can arrange for you to try out a month or two. Maybe it's not the right answer forever, but it could be the right answer for now.
