Problem Teenagers - Can Rewards As Incentives For Good Behavior Backfire?
I have just been reading a few parenting blogs where the question of whether we should offer an incentive or reward for good behavior can actually work.
There are many views on this one but the fact is that this sort of parenting with problem teenagers can actually backfire and may lead to more refusal and defiance.
If we take a situation where you need help with moving a large piece of furniture and you might feel like offering an incentive such as a treat in return for your problem teenager's help.
Sometimes, this just does not work as the teen will prefer to refuse to collaborate because he prefers to maintain his defiant stance and cannot be bothered.
It also gives him some pleasure in refusing.
This is the problem with bargaining and offering incentives.
It means that if we go down this road, the negotiating will never stop.
We will be constantly blackmailed and family life will be plagued with the stick and carrot approach.
It is much better to ask for help without any reward.
We may well be refused but if problem teenagers are distracted from their defiance stance, they may well just do it.
They can be rewarded afterwards or simply praised.
Problem teenagers are more and more likely to adopt a defiant stance and behave badly because they are seeing confrontation every day on TV.
Look at how many programs feature arguments, stand offs, aggressive stances and where defiance and aggression are considered to be quite normal.
The message is that violent confrontation works.
Trying to persuade the problem teenagers that it actually does not work, will be an uphill struggle.
The teen feels powerful and knows that, as in the past, this sort of aggression does actually produce the results he wants.
We have to try and educate them that this does not work out in adult society and that there are other ways of approaching a problem.
We have to give them some life skills which are going to help them to get on with people, take responsibility for all their actions and avoid getting into trouble.
This is the real challenge with problem teenagers.
We have to wean them off their violent and aggressive highs and get them on to another wavelength.
There are easy ways to do this if you follow a behavior based program.
This is the only way to go so that we avoid bargaining negotiating and getting into useless power struggles.
Why not give this one a shot if your problem teenagers are really getting the upper hand in your household.
There are many views on this one but the fact is that this sort of parenting with problem teenagers can actually backfire and may lead to more refusal and defiance.
If we take a situation where you need help with moving a large piece of furniture and you might feel like offering an incentive such as a treat in return for your problem teenager's help.
Sometimes, this just does not work as the teen will prefer to refuse to collaborate because he prefers to maintain his defiant stance and cannot be bothered.
It also gives him some pleasure in refusing.
This is the problem with bargaining and offering incentives.
It means that if we go down this road, the negotiating will never stop.
We will be constantly blackmailed and family life will be plagued with the stick and carrot approach.
It is much better to ask for help without any reward.
We may well be refused but if problem teenagers are distracted from their defiance stance, they may well just do it.
They can be rewarded afterwards or simply praised.
Problem teenagers are more and more likely to adopt a defiant stance and behave badly because they are seeing confrontation every day on TV.
Look at how many programs feature arguments, stand offs, aggressive stances and where defiance and aggression are considered to be quite normal.
The message is that violent confrontation works.
Trying to persuade the problem teenagers that it actually does not work, will be an uphill struggle.
The teen feels powerful and knows that, as in the past, this sort of aggression does actually produce the results he wants.
We have to try and educate them that this does not work out in adult society and that there are other ways of approaching a problem.
We have to give them some life skills which are going to help them to get on with people, take responsibility for all their actions and avoid getting into trouble.
This is the real challenge with problem teenagers.
We have to wean them off their violent and aggressive highs and get them on to another wavelength.
There are easy ways to do this if you follow a behavior based program.
This is the only way to go so that we avoid bargaining negotiating and getting into useless power struggles.
Why not give this one a shot if your problem teenagers are really getting the upper hand in your household.
