Breastfeeding in Public - 3 Types of Warriors
A few weeks ago I received an email from a young mother, who was nursing her baby.
Usually when I receive an email it is from a mother concerned with her milk supply, experiencing sore nipples or some other difficulty.
This mother had none of those common plights.
In fact, even though she had delivered via cesarean she said that breastfeeding had been problem free and enjoyable.
So why was she writing me? At a recent mums' meeting, she had felt isolated and ostracized by the other mums...
for breastfeeding.
One of the mother's even went so far as to turn her back on her.
She was hurt by this reaction.
She emailed me for ideas on how to breastfeed discretely.
I have a unique understanding of the difficulties of breastfeeding, especially in public.
I have breastfed six children...
in four countries , five US states and three decades.
My partners come from three distinct cultures including upper class white, Mexican-American and British of Afro-Caribbean descent.
I have been trained and worked as a peer counsellor by two organisations...
and in two countries...
in different decades.
Below are three different approaches to dealing with such situations.
Use them to create a solution that is right for you and your baby at this point in your life.
And remember it may change over time.
Militant - This is me today.
I am a breastfeeding fascist.
I consider it my child's right to receive nourishment whenever and wherever she wants.
And if you don't like it, don't look.
If asked to not feed my child in a restaurant or store, I will demand to speak to the manager.
Cancel my order.
Make loud comments about other people not being asked to eat their dinner in the bathroom.
And make certain that the manager knows I will never visit their shop again...
and will actually post this information to my network so others will not either.
Now I admit this tactic is offensive...
and definitely not for everyone.
I should also say that I grew into this role over those three decades.
I do it because I have the knowledge and confidence to do so.
I do it so that others will not have to.
But if you find that this style works for you...
I could use the help.
Covert operative - This is the exact opposite of the militant.
This mother will seek out a private place to nurse her child or even express and bottle feed when out.
This was me in 1986.
I felt that every eye was upon me.
Because my son was one of those babies that cried unless he had a boob in his mouth, it got to the point that we simply never felt the house.
But let me say clearly, if this is where you are...
that is perfectly right for you and your baby.
Remember that to breastfeed effectively we must be relaxed ourselves.
If you identify with this tactic, then might I suggest that you frequent store and restaurants which offer baby nursing facilities.
Many of the top baby and department stores offer quiet rooms with comfortable chairs and facilities.
Also, Islington and several other councils have initiated a Baby-friendly project that offers free signage and promotion to stores and restaurants which welcome breastfeeding couples.
These might be a good place to begin.
Foot soldiers - Most of us actually fall somewhere between these two types.
We buy the latest tops, shawls and specially designed products that help us to breastfeed more discretely.
With my first son, I spent a small fortune having specially made tops.
In the end, I found that wearing layers worked best though.
You may find yourself turning your back so that others will not be offended.
You may look around the room to make sure no one is watching.
But in the end your baby's cries take precedent over exposure.
This is common...
and nothing to be ashamed of.
Take heart...
once your baby is latched on...
no one can actually see anything.
If you think it odd that I used military terms to describe breastfeeding mothers, it is because I believe this a war...
against prejudice.
So wherever you placed yourself along that continuum, realise that while you may have never intended for the simple act of giving your baby the perfect food to be an act of civil disobedience, you are in fact creating a more accepting world for your friends, sisters and most certainly your daughters.
You are a pioneer.
Usually when I receive an email it is from a mother concerned with her milk supply, experiencing sore nipples or some other difficulty.
This mother had none of those common plights.
In fact, even though she had delivered via cesarean she said that breastfeeding had been problem free and enjoyable.
So why was she writing me? At a recent mums' meeting, she had felt isolated and ostracized by the other mums...
for breastfeeding.
One of the mother's even went so far as to turn her back on her.
She was hurt by this reaction.
She emailed me for ideas on how to breastfeed discretely.
I have a unique understanding of the difficulties of breastfeeding, especially in public.
I have breastfed six children...
in four countries , five US states and three decades.
My partners come from three distinct cultures including upper class white, Mexican-American and British of Afro-Caribbean descent.
I have been trained and worked as a peer counsellor by two organisations...
and in two countries...
in different decades.
Below are three different approaches to dealing with such situations.
Use them to create a solution that is right for you and your baby at this point in your life.
And remember it may change over time.
Militant - This is me today.
I am a breastfeeding fascist.
I consider it my child's right to receive nourishment whenever and wherever she wants.
And if you don't like it, don't look.
If asked to not feed my child in a restaurant or store, I will demand to speak to the manager.
Cancel my order.
Make loud comments about other people not being asked to eat their dinner in the bathroom.
And make certain that the manager knows I will never visit their shop again...
and will actually post this information to my network so others will not either.
Now I admit this tactic is offensive...
and definitely not for everyone.
I should also say that I grew into this role over those three decades.
I do it because I have the knowledge and confidence to do so.
I do it so that others will not have to.
But if you find that this style works for you...
I could use the help.
Covert operative - This is the exact opposite of the militant.
This mother will seek out a private place to nurse her child or even express and bottle feed when out.
This was me in 1986.
I felt that every eye was upon me.
Because my son was one of those babies that cried unless he had a boob in his mouth, it got to the point that we simply never felt the house.
But let me say clearly, if this is where you are...
that is perfectly right for you and your baby.
Remember that to breastfeed effectively we must be relaxed ourselves.
If you identify with this tactic, then might I suggest that you frequent store and restaurants which offer baby nursing facilities.
Many of the top baby and department stores offer quiet rooms with comfortable chairs and facilities.
Also, Islington and several other councils have initiated a Baby-friendly project that offers free signage and promotion to stores and restaurants which welcome breastfeeding couples.
These might be a good place to begin.
Foot soldiers - Most of us actually fall somewhere between these two types.
We buy the latest tops, shawls and specially designed products that help us to breastfeed more discretely.
With my first son, I spent a small fortune having specially made tops.
In the end, I found that wearing layers worked best though.
You may find yourself turning your back so that others will not be offended.
You may look around the room to make sure no one is watching.
But in the end your baby's cries take precedent over exposure.
This is common...
and nothing to be ashamed of.
Take heart...
once your baby is latched on...
no one can actually see anything.
If you think it odd that I used military terms to describe breastfeeding mothers, it is because I believe this a war...
against prejudice.
So wherever you placed yourself along that continuum, realise that while you may have never intended for the simple act of giving your baby the perfect food to be an act of civil disobedience, you are in fact creating a more accepting world for your friends, sisters and most certainly your daughters.
You are a pioneer.
