Time When I first became "stepmom" to my then two small stepchildren, I seemed tosacrifice a lot of time.
Time was, and still is, a valuable commodity in ourbusy household.
One of the biggest time stealers was getting organized in orderto run our blended family home smoother.
I wasn't a single mom anymore with atidy, small home in the city, I was stepmom to two and mom to one and mate to mydarling in a large rambling multi-level home in the country.
Multiply the messby three! Multiply cooking by three, chaos by three, etc...
Suddenly, I had notime for ~me~.
Slowly, I learned how to recoup some of that time by backing offand having my hubby do at least half of the things that needed to be done.
Ahhhh...
relief.
So, in reality, I didn't have to sacrifice *all* of my time,but I did realize that I would have to sacrifice *some* on a regular basis.
Icould not be "super stepmom".
It wasn't possible.
Emotional Energy As a stepmom, you can and probably will expend a lot of emotional energy.
Whether it pertains to your stepchildren, the first wife, financial issues,"blended" issues, in-laws, etc...
You will find yourself living a complicatedlife.
Stepparenting is very complicated.
Finding where *you* fit in to thislife, is exhausting.
Once you've found out where you fit in, and you are happywith it, it's worth it.
You have overcome one of the biggest hurdles stepmomsface.
Bravo! Try not to involve yourself in too many issues surrounding thefirst family, your in-laws or "the ex".
Sometimes it is best to step back andallow them to battle it out.
Don't allow a lot of negative energy into your mindand soul.
This is one of the most difficult things a stepmom can accomplish.
Stepping back can also be called "detachment".
The trick is to find out whatissues to detach from, you detach from issues, not people.
If you can do this,you are certainly well on your way to success as a stepmom.
Physical Energy Physical energy is also another sacrifice, especially for stepmoms withyounger children.
There may be times when you are the "soccer stepmom", when youhave to escort the children to the doctor or the dentist.
If you are a stay athome stepmom, you probably have a lot of responsibility when it comes tohousework.
Housework is a very demanding physical activity! If you have helpfrom the children and your husband, you are in luck.
Money There are stepmoms who sacrifice finances/income to be a stepmom.
There arestepmoms who actually contribute to child support, child support for childrenthat they did not bring into this world.
My hat is definitely off to stepmomssuch as these.
Of course, if you bring in any kind of an income, you probablyhelp out within the family with expenses.
Expenses incurred by a blended familycan be exorbitant, especially if you have custody of your stepchildren.
Do notsacrifice al of your income, you will probably become resentful if you do.
Sacrificing income is a very sensitive subject for many stepmoms.
Space If you were like me, you started out as a single mom of one child and you hadyour life "just so".
You rose bushes were pruned regularly, your house was veryclean, your lawn was gorgeous and you had more physical space than you mightnow.
This was a big thing for me to overcome.
It seemed as though I was swarmedby my stepchildren, I needed ~space~, space to digest the situation and space tofigure out just how I was going to make this work.
I really needed a "place" ofmy own.
I didn't need my house back, but I did need a place to go to when Ibecame overwhelmed.
So, my husband converted his/our storage room upstairs intoa beautiful sewing room, complete with tables, shelving, etc..
That room was mysanity saver for quite a while.
Please try to make sure that you don't have tosacrifice personal, physical space.
A cornered/suffocated/ stepmom, is not ahappy one.
Put a lock on your bedroom door! Wants More things I had to sacrifice were "wants".
Now that we were a completelyblended family, we had to be careful about money, and how it was spent.
My"wants" list had to be pushed aside for a long time.
I "want" a bigger house, I"want" a great big office, I "want" a diamond tennis bracelet every year, butthe reality fairy tells me this isn't possible right now while living in ourstepfamily.
These things, are okay to sacrifice if *you* are okay with it.
Ifyou are not okay sacrificing material things, you have to make some changes, andfast.
You might even have to make some big life choices that can affect yourfamily dramatically.
Be honest with yourself.
First Experiences One of the most important things that I had to sacrifice was the idea of the"first experiences".
Naturally, if you are a stepmom, your husband has alreadybeen through the "baby stage", the "first house stage", the "gala wedding" stageetc...
This can be quite disconcerting to even the most well adjustedstepmom/second wife.
There are some women who feel as though these experienceshave actually been stolen from them and feel resentful.
I feel this is a normalemotion, and usually, with good communication and a new perspective, you canovercome it.
Every experience is new, and it is to be cherished no matter howmany times either of you have done it before.
The birth of my second son, withmy now husband, was actually "a first" for me and for us.
It all depends on howyou are willing to perceive the experience and your life.
As you can see, there are many sacrifices for stepmoms and second wives.
Imade most of them.
Some are healthy sacrifices and some are not.
You must be ingreat mental and emotional shape to take on the role of stepmom and second wife.
If you arenot in tip top shape, your relationships, your marriage and your family willsuffer, and so will you.
Take your time, be objective, don't give too much ofyourself right away, and most of all, take time to be you.