How to Fix a Relationship After Cheating
- 1). Discuss your feelings with someone who will be supportive and non-judgmental. Rather than giving advice or opinions, it is most important to this person to be able to listen. If you are the victim of infidelity, this person should, ideally, be someone other than your spouse. A cheating spouse will likely become defensive when you share your feelings, which will hinder a constructive discussion. Consider sharing your feelings with a support group, therapist, family member or friend.
- 2). Participate in individual counseling if you are having doubts about reconciliation and are unsure of where you want the relationship to go. Successful recovery from infidelity requires both parties to be equally committed to working towards this goal.
- 3). Understand--as a couple--the motivation behind a spouse's infidelity. In an effort to appease the situation, cheating spouses often make the mistake of not telling the other why they cheated. A couple must resolve these underlying issues in order to move forward in the relationship. The cheating spouse should, therefore, disclose full details of what happened, as lingering questions can foster uncertainty and mistrust in the long run. In addition, working together to resolve a problem can provide both parties with a sense of cohesiveness and reassurance.
- 4). Think carefully about your apology if you are the cheating spouse. Acknowledge the fact that you have hurt your partner's feelings with a statement such as, "I am sorry for...It was wrong for me to..." Do not fall into the trap of immediately following your apology with an excuse, for example, "I am sorry about what happened, but I was feeling confused about..."
- 5). Make promises to each other about the course of your relationship from this point forward and each party's behavior. These promises must be explicit and mutually agreed upon. A promise must also be realistic; a broken promise during the recovery process is likely to do even more damage than the initial incident.
