Can You Handle the Truth?
In my new novel, Aberrations, the characters uncover truths about themselves that are quite difficult to handle. The main character, Angel, must deal with issues that cut to the core of her identity. In my own life, I've also had to confront truths, some that were hidden from me, and some hidden by me. Now, I'm learning to accept, and even embrace, the reality of my unique life.
Sometimes the truth grabs you right where it hurts and strangles the life away. Maybe you were out looking for the truth, trying to sort through your life, or that of another, digging up the past, shoveling into the present, hoping to uncover and understand what you're really dealing with. Or perhaps the truth was thrown at you when you least expected it. Maybe it slapped you in the face and made you realize that the life, relationship, or goals you had just aren't working. Something has got to give, to change, but now you're standing alone, trapped in a whirlwind of emotion, making it difficult to move.
Don't lose heart. It's tough to know what to do when you realize your next steps could alter the life you know in ways you can't quite visualize. Knowing what to do next and then doing the right thing can be just as difficult as living in the midst of a lie, but having the courage to move forward will put you on the right path. It may be dark at first. It may be lonely. It may or may not be a path filled with flowers and light, but it's the right one.
In this two-part blog entry, I'll share my thoughts, ten points total, on accepting truth when it seems to smack you down. I don't have all the answers but I'll share the outcome of years of stewing over the truth issue. It's likely the stew I'm cooking will take a lifetime but I have to believe that my simmering pot can provide some good food for thought.
Dig in!
1. Sometimes the truth hurts and that's okay. Two key elements that make us more advanced than animals, particularly Ostriches, are intelligence and emotional complexity. Whether you were searching for the truth, or whether it hit you in the face like an unexpected baseball bat, it likely hurts to some degree. Did you think it would be all rosy, that somehow your heart would swell simply because you finally discovered the truth? Did you think the information wouldn't hurt you? If you asked for the truth, how can you complain now? If you didn't ask for it but got it anyway, the pain stinks but is a necessary evil. Regardless of the scenario, the truth hurts because it's real, an almost tangible element of the life you lead. The pain tells you you're still alive. If we had little emotional complexity, perhaps it wouldn't hurt. If we lacked intelligence, we might not realize the implications or mistakes associated with the new information. To be fully alive and awake in our own lives, it's essential to feel a wide range of emotion. When you emerge on the other side, you'll be different, better, and wiser. You'll have more to give.
2. You can't change the truth. By definition, the truth is the true or actual state of a matter. It is an indisputable fact or reality. It is accurate. If you change it, twist it, manipulate it, or ignore it, it will not retain its integrity and you'll be left, again, with a lie. You'll be back were you started. Sometimes people want to go back but once you know the truth, it's either impossible or unhealthy to go back, to pretend your life away. Is going back what you really want? Sometimes we want something so badly that we begin to believe it. We believe all kinds of lies. We pretend all kinds of things because it's fun and it feels better than facing reality. Some people can continue this charade for quite awhile, some do it until the day they die. But isn't that what childhood is all about? If we're lucky, we're granted those early years to play and pretend and try out all kinds of scenarios. As we mature, we realize that there are realities to life, some harsher than others. Accepting the truth will take you places that children can't often go.
3. You're better off knowing the truth. Sometimes we believe that if we simply don't know the truth, we'll be fine. If you don't know the spaceship you're riding in isn't real, you can keep enjoying it, right? Well, that could be true in some cases; however, do you really want to be the person who's sitting on the bed thinking they're in a spaceship when everyone else is standing by the bed thinking, why doesn't he realize that he's just sitting on a bed going nowhere? What does that really do for you in the long run? What is your life about anyway? Do you have goals? Do you have dreams? How can you accomplish your goals and dreams if you're too busy using up so much energy orchestrating a dream to live in? In this case, the truth can set you free and free you up to pursue real life.
4. Life is stranger than fiction, and so is the truth. One of the most satisfying elements of fiction is its ability to make sense of life. Life, and sometimes truth, is stranger than fiction. Fiction gives us nice, neat outcomes and explanations while life drags us along, wrapping chains around our hearts and minds. The frustrating reality is that truth doesn't always afford us the privilege of complete understanding; sometimes it just doesn't make sense, which makes it harder to accept. The challenge is then to resist being stuck in a time, place, or situation that is beyond your ability to navigate. It stinks and it's tough but the best way forward is to accept that there are situations in life that can't be understood, and that your time is best spent focused on your true circle of influence. This may be the most difficult long-term challenge when faced with the truth. It can lead to regret, obsession, and bitterness. The key is to focus on what you see ahead and on what is available to you now.
5. Life really is like a box of chocolates. Life is full of surprises; that's what makes it so interesting. It keeps boredom at bay. The downside is that sometimes the surprises we get pierce the heart rather than put a smile on the face. Like the box of chocolates Forest Gump's mom pushed, you never know what you're gonna get. Hopefully everything you get will be bright and rosy but if you're like most of us, that's not the reality. When faced with a truth that hurts, remember that life is stranger than fiction, and there's intrinsic value in every type of chocolate you might end up with. You just have to look for it and be open to accepting it. Change, trying new things, and opening the mind to new possibilities often calls for a stretch of character, insight, intelligence, or emotional range.
6. Truth is a good mirror. The unexpected truth facing us can be an excellent mirror. It's the type that has three sides and shows us the front, sides, and back all at once. It can show us facets of ourselves that we'd previously ignored or failed to recognize, like how our pants have gotten baggy in the rear or a bit too tight. We may have felt it happening but until we get a good look, it's hard to realize the extent of the situation. This is the time to explore that new vantage point. Take a long hard look at who you are and who you've become. Are you where you thought you'd be? Are you who you wanted to be? Had you forgotten your original plan? Did you drift off track somehow? This is the whirlwind swirling inside your head. Rather than fight it, dig into it. Shift, move, and twirl with the wind.
7. Adjusting to the truth takes time. Pain is inevitable and it's going to come in some form or another. Some people prefer physical pain to emotional. Some people turn to alcohol or other such unhealthy Band-Aids to dull pain. It feels like nothing good is happening when all you can feel is confusion and emptiness. Our natural instinct is to get over it and out of it however we can, but if you rush it, you risk losing the benefits. Everyone knows that the trials and tests of life make us stronger. Unfortunately, hearing that a thousand times doesn't make it any easier to operate under the premise. The best thing you can do when you're tempted to find ways to dull, ignore, or erase pain, that is utterly and completely expected given the circumstance, is to remind yourself (as many times as you have to) that it will make you stronger, it will build muscle but only if you do it right. Let it happen; give it time. You won't regret it.
8. The truth will set you free but something else may trap you. As you advance into the new realm of possibilities that surface once the whirlwind dies down, don't forget the whirlwind. Don't forget how it felt and what you learned. At this point, regardless of the strength and insight gained, it's easier than you might think to settle into another pattern, another mode, albeit different than the one you just left. It can become a new trap. Life is a journey and on a journey one must constantly make decisions. Be the captain of your own destiny. Life is filled with responsibility but it's also an adventure stuffed with boxes full of new chocolates to try.
9. Truth can be the seed of forgiveness; don't let it be the seed of bitterness. Bitterness is another backlash trap that often snares us when faced with the truth. I won't lie. The truth sometimes hurts so intensely that our bitterness festers and grows far-reaching tendrils at incredible rates. Like a cancer, bitterness can spread to other facets of our lives in surprising ways. It can crush us and close off our ability to love and trust and give. It can kill our childlike sense of adventure as quickly as it can impact our choice of words and our decisions. Sometimes it takes a full blown war to fight it off but it's worth it. You're fighting for your life. Forgiveness can be the hardest thing to give when you feel as if everything you had is gone or everything you wanted is out of reach. Regardless of the situation, find the strength to fend off bitterness and find forgiveness. People can change. Situations can change. Sometimes the choice you make when faced with the truth calls for a whopping dose of forgiveness. Be brave, stretch yourself, and make a choice for something positive, whether it involves keeping aspects of the past or washing them all away.
10. The world is full of opportunity, and so is truth. As an adult, how many times do we get to change our perspective, life, career, or anything else of significance? How many times do we get to feel 18 again? Sometimes when faced with reality, we're forced to change our lives in numerous ways. If we're not forced, we certainly realize there are important choices to make. If you're determined to move forward, look for those opportunities--that book opening in front of you--and jump in. You're only as old as you think you are, and it's never too late to do the things you want to do and be the person you want to be. There are a million scenarios in life and no one can tell you what to do. Your life is unique. You are unique. You are the only one who can apply these concepts to your situation. It will take some time to sort it all out and make the choices that need to be made, but don't lose heart. And if you fail, if you make a wrong choice, it's not the end of the world because the world is endless. The truth is that there is always truth to be found, and when you find it, you find yourself, every time. In the words of Winston Churchill, "Never, never, never, never quit."
Sometimes the truth grabs you right where it hurts and strangles the life away. Maybe you were out looking for the truth, trying to sort through your life, or that of another, digging up the past, shoveling into the present, hoping to uncover and understand what you're really dealing with. Or perhaps the truth was thrown at you when you least expected it. Maybe it slapped you in the face and made you realize that the life, relationship, or goals you had just aren't working. Something has got to give, to change, but now you're standing alone, trapped in a whirlwind of emotion, making it difficult to move.
Don't lose heart. It's tough to know what to do when you realize your next steps could alter the life you know in ways you can't quite visualize. Knowing what to do next and then doing the right thing can be just as difficult as living in the midst of a lie, but having the courage to move forward will put you on the right path. It may be dark at first. It may be lonely. It may or may not be a path filled with flowers and light, but it's the right one.
In this two-part blog entry, I'll share my thoughts, ten points total, on accepting truth when it seems to smack you down. I don't have all the answers but I'll share the outcome of years of stewing over the truth issue. It's likely the stew I'm cooking will take a lifetime but I have to believe that my simmering pot can provide some good food for thought.
Dig in!
1. Sometimes the truth hurts and that's okay. Two key elements that make us more advanced than animals, particularly Ostriches, are intelligence and emotional complexity. Whether you were searching for the truth, or whether it hit you in the face like an unexpected baseball bat, it likely hurts to some degree. Did you think it would be all rosy, that somehow your heart would swell simply because you finally discovered the truth? Did you think the information wouldn't hurt you? If you asked for the truth, how can you complain now? If you didn't ask for it but got it anyway, the pain stinks but is a necessary evil. Regardless of the scenario, the truth hurts because it's real, an almost tangible element of the life you lead. The pain tells you you're still alive. If we had little emotional complexity, perhaps it wouldn't hurt. If we lacked intelligence, we might not realize the implications or mistakes associated with the new information. To be fully alive and awake in our own lives, it's essential to feel a wide range of emotion. When you emerge on the other side, you'll be different, better, and wiser. You'll have more to give.
2. You can't change the truth. By definition, the truth is the true or actual state of a matter. It is an indisputable fact or reality. It is accurate. If you change it, twist it, manipulate it, or ignore it, it will not retain its integrity and you'll be left, again, with a lie. You'll be back were you started. Sometimes people want to go back but once you know the truth, it's either impossible or unhealthy to go back, to pretend your life away. Is going back what you really want? Sometimes we want something so badly that we begin to believe it. We believe all kinds of lies. We pretend all kinds of things because it's fun and it feels better than facing reality. Some people can continue this charade for quite awhile, some do it until the day they die. But isn't that what childhood is all about? If we're lucky, we're granted those early years to play and pretend and try out all kinds of scenarios. As we mature, we realize that there are realities to life, some harsher than others. Accepting the truth will take you places that children can't often go.
3. You're better off knowing the truth. Sometimes we believe that if we simply don't know the truth, we'll be fine. If you don't know the spaceship you're riding in isn't real, you can keep enjoying it, right? Well, that could be true in some cases; however, do you really want to be the person who's sitting on the bed thinking they're in a spaceship when everyone else is standing by the bed thinking, why doesn't he realize that he's just sitting on a bed going nowhere? What does that really do for you in the long run? What is your life about anyway? Do you have goals? Do you have dreams? How can you accomplish your goals and dreams if you're too busy using up so much energy orchestrating a dream to live in? In this case, the truth can set you free and free you up to pursue real life.
4. Life is stranger than fiction, and so is the truth. One of the most satisfying elements of fiction is its ability to make sense of life. Life, and sometimes truth, is stranger than fiction. Fiction gives us nice, neat outcomes and explanations while life drags us along, wrapping chains around our hearts and minds. The frustrating reality is that truth doesn't always afford us the privilege of complete understanding; sometimes it just doesn't make sense, which makes it harder to accept. The challenge is then to resist being stuck in a time, place, or situation that is beyond your ability to navigate. It stinks and it's tough but the best way forward is to accept that there are situations in life that can't be understood, and that your time is best spent focused on your true circle of influence. This may be the most difficult long-term challenge when faced with the truth. It can lead to regret, obsession, and bitterness. The key is to focus on what you see ahead and on what is available to you now.
5. Life really is like a box of chocolates. Life is full of surprises; that's what makes it so interesting. It keeps boredom at bay. The downside is that sometimes the surprises we get pierce the heart rather than put a smile on the face. Like the box of chocolates Forest Gump's mom pushed, you never know what you're gonna get. Hopefully everything you get will be bright and rosy but if you're like most of us, that's not the reality. When faced with a truth that hurts, remember that life is stranger than fiction, and there's intrinsic value in every type of chocolate you might end up with. You just have to look for it and be open to accepting it. Change, trying new things, and opening the mind to new possibilities often calls for a stretch of character, insight, intelligence, or emotional range.
6. Truth is a good mirror. The unexpected truth facing us can be an excellent mirror. It's the type that has three sides and shows us the front, sides, and back all at once. It can show us facets of ourselves that we'd previously ignored or failed to recognize, like how our pants have gotten baggy in the rear or a bit too tight. We may have felt it happening but until we get a good look, it's hard to realize the extent of the situation. This is the time to explore that new vantage point. Take a long hard look at who you are and who you've become. Are you where you thought you'd be? Are you who you wanted to be? Had you forgotten your original plan? Did you drift off track somehow? This is the whirlwind swirling inside your head. Rather than fight it, dig into it. Shift, move, and twirl with the wind.
7. Adjusting to the truth takes time. Pain is inevitable and it's going to come in some form or another. Some people prefer physical pain to emotional. Some people turn to alcohol or other such unhealthy Band-Aids to dull pain. It feels like nothing good is happening when all you can feel is confusion and emptiness. Our natural instinct is to get over it and out of it however we can, but if you rush it, you risk losing the benefits. Everyone knows that the trials and tests of life make us stronger. Unfortunately, hearing that a thousand times doesn't make it any easier to operate under the premise. The best thing you can do when you're tempted to find ways to dull, ignore, or erase pain, that is utterly and completely expected given the circumstance, is to remind yourself (as many times as you have to) that it will make you stronger, it will build muscle but only if you do it right. Let it happen; give it time. You won't regret it.
8. The truth will set you free but something else may trap you. As you advance into the new realm of possibilities that surface once the whirlwind dies down, don't forget the whirlwind. Don't forget how it felt and what you learned. At this point, regardless of the strength and insight gained, it's easier than you might think to settle into another pattern, another mode, albeit different than the one you just left. It can become a new trap. Life is a journey and on a journey one must constantly make decisions. Be the captain of your own destiny. Life is filled with responsibility but it's also an adventure stuffed with boxes full of new chocolates to try.
9. Truth can be the seed of forgiveness; don't let it be the seed of bitterness. Bitterness is another backlash trap that often snares us when faced with the truth. I won't lie. The truth sometimes hurts so intensely that our bitterness festers and grows far-reaching tendrils at incredible rates. Like a cancer, bitterness can spread to other facets of our lives in surprising ways. It can crush us and close off our ability to love and trust and give. It can kill our childlike sense of adventure as quickly as it can impact our choice of words and our decisions. Sometimes it takes a full blown war to fight it off but it's worth it. You're fighting for your life. Forgiveness can be the hardest thing to give when you feel as if everything you had is gone or everything you wanted is out of reach. Regardless of the situation, find the strength to fend off bitterness and find forgiveness. People can change. Situations can change. Sometimes the choice you make when faced with the truth calls for a whopping dose of forgiveness. Be brave, stretch yourself, and make a choice for something positive, whether it involves keeping aspects of the past or washing them all away.
10. The world is full of opportunity, and so is truth. As an adult, how many times do we get to change our perspective, life, career, or anything else of significance? How many times do we get to feel 18 again? Sometimes when faced with reality, we're forced to change our lives in numerous ways. If we're not forced, we certainly realize there are important choices to make. If you're determined to move forward, look for those opportunities--that book opening in front of you--and jump in. You're only as old as you think you are, and it's never too late to do the things you want to do and be the person you want to be. There are a million scenarios in life and no one can tell you what to do. Your life is unique. You are unique. You are the only one who can apply these concepts to your situation. It will take some time to sort it all out and make the choices that need to be made, but don't lose heart. And if you fail, if you make a wrong choice, it's not the end of the world because the world is endless. The truth is that there is always truth to be found, and when you find it, you find yourself, every time. In the words of Winston Churchill, "Never, never, never, never quit."
