Things Not to Say to Children During a Divorce
The tough thing about divorce is, everybody loses.
It doesn't matter what the settlement decision is, what the custody decree says, it's a difficult situation for everyone involved, no less so for the children.
There is simply no way to protect kids from divorce completely.
Whether toddlers or teenagers, their lives are changed forever.
But to help minimize the impact, here are some things you should just never say to your kids during a divorce: I can't stand the sight of your good-for-nothing mother! It's no big secret that you're angry with your spouse if you're going through a divorce.
But the danger of sharing that in front of your children is partly the fact that your children are biologically attached to your spouse, who is literally 50% of them.
And they love you, but they also love someone you seem to hate, which feels like they're betraying you.
So now they are unsure of how to handle emotions towards the other parent while also remaining loyal to you.
They are now inexplicably in the middle of something they didn't create and don't understand.
Listen, I'm going to tell you what really happened.
Telling your child the details of what led to the filing for a divorce is almost never a good thing.
Whether it's your fault, their fault or, really, no one's fault (which is usually the most confusing version of all), kids want their parents' approval, they want to seem grown-up enough to handle it; if they're teenagers they might even believe they are grown-up enough.
But they're not.
It's that simple.
There are some things you just should never say to your kids in a divorce.
And, maturity aside, the brutal reality about their mother or father hiding assets of having an affair, or whatever happened, is likely to be unnecessarily traumatizing.
Divorce is a condition of rapid destabilization; as a parent, it's your role to leave as much intact as possible.
I can't handle this.
I'm falling apart here.
I need your help.
You're my best friend.
While it's incredibly tempting during such a vulnerable period, it's important to remember that your children are still your children, and not your confidantes.
It's a very good idea to seek counseling from a professional and to make sure that you have emotional support from family and friends.
But your children need for you to be their stabilizing force, not the other way around.
You need to be the functioning one that keeps things as on track as possible.
You're allowed to be sad, and angry and scared.
What you're not allowed is to ask your children to hold your hand through the process.
You can't protect your children from all of the damage that divorce will cause.
But you can show them how important it is to you that you they don't suffer a single minute longer than they have to.
It doesn't matter what the settlement decision is, what the custody decree says, it's a difficult situation for everyone involved, no less so for the children.
There is simply no way to protect kids from divorce completely.
Whether toddlers or teenagers, their lives are changed forever.
But to help minimize the impact, here are some things you should just never say to your kids during a divorce: I can't stand the sight of your good-for-nothing mother! It's no big secret that you're angry with your spouse if you're going through a divorce.
But the danger of sharing that in front of your children is partly the fact that your children are biologically attached to your spouse, who is literally 50% of them.
And they love you, but they also love someone you seem to hate, which feels like they're betraying you.
So now they are unsure of how to handle emotions towards the other parent while also remaining loyal to you.
They are now inexplicably in the middle of something they didn't create and don't understand.
Listen, I'm going to tell you what really happened.
Telling your child the details of what led to the filing for a divorce is almost never a good thing.
Whether it's your fault, their fault or, really, no one's fault (which is usually the most confusing version of all), kids want their parents' approval, they want to seem grown-up enough to handle it; if they're teenagers they might even believe they are grown-up enough.
But they're not.
It's that simple.
There are some things you just should never say to your kids in a divorce.
And, maturity aside, the brutal reality about their mother or father hiding assets of having an affair, or whatever happened, is likely to be unnecessarily traumatizing.
Divorce is a condition of rapid destabilization; as a parent, it's your role to leave as much intact as possible.
I can't handle this.
I'm falling apart here.
I need your help.
You're my best friend.
While it's incredibly tempting during such a vulnerable period, it's important to remember that your children are still your children, and not your confidantes.
It's a very good idea to seek counseling from a professional and to make sure that you have emotional support from family and friends.
But your children need for you to be their stabilizing force, not the other way around.
You need to be the functioning one that keeps things as on track as possible.
You're allowed to be sad, and angry and scared.
What you're not allowed is to ask your children to hold your hand through the process.
You can't protect your children from all of the damage that divorce will cause.
But you can show them how important it is to you that you they don't suffer a single minute longer than they have to.