Giving Difficult Feedback That Motivates and Inspires Change
"Crucial Conversations" is what Kerry Paterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler called their bestseller book about those emotionally charged situations where we need to have a very important conversation with someone about a difficult issue.
We don't want to have this conversation because we fear the outcome.
When it comes to giving feedback about under-performance to our team members and employees this is so very relevant.
It is "crucial" to have the conversation because without it the consequences for the organisation and its and your relationship with the employee are dire.
By having it, there is the possibility of enormous benefit for all concerned.
Like all soft skills, however, when we learn how to do it well, it impacts on the whole of our lives, not just our work life.
The skills we learn are transferable to resolving situations in our personal lives as well.
Learning how to have these crucial conversations can be very empowering.
The authors tell us that we have only three options when we face these crucial conversations.
1.
We can avoid them.
2.
We can face them and handle them poorly 3.
We can face them and handle them well.
Avoiding them is no option really.
The situation deteriorates.
It never goes away.
So we have to face them and it's better to learn how to do it well, than launch in and do it poorly.
These sorts of conversations are always there.
They are part of the responsibility of being manager so an investment of time and commitment to learning the "how" of it is well worthwhile.
What is being said here relates to situations in the workplace where an employee's behaviour is unacceptable or is causing difficulties for other employees.
It also relates to situations where the employee is underperforming.
It is not seen as a way to handle formal disciplinary counselling or where an employee is being formally performance managed.
There are additional legal issues that need to be taken into account in those situations.
What is here is about avoiding the situation reaching that stage.
You want them to be clear about what needs to happen and to feel they can do it.
You want them to feel they are supported by you in making the change, that you have offered them some strategies or service like coaching or counselling that will assist them.
We don't want to have this conversation because we fear the outcome.
When it comes to giving feedback about under-performance to our team members and employees this is so very relevant.
It is "crucial" to have the conversation because without it the consequences for the organisation and its and your relationship with the employee are dire.
By having it, there is the possibility of enormous benefit for all concerned.
Like all soft skills, however, when we learn how to do it well, it impacts on the whole of our lives, not just our work life.
The skills we learn are transferable to resolving situations in our personal lives as well.
Learning how to have these crucial conversations can be very empowering.
The authors tell us that we have only three options when we face these crucial conversations.
1.
We can avoid them.
2.
We can face them and handle them poorly 3.
We can face them and handle them well.
Avoiding them is no option really.
The situation deteriorates.
It never goes away.
So we have to face them and it's better to learn how to do it well, than launch in and do it poorly.
These sorts of conversations are always there.
They are part of the responsibility of being manager so an investment of time and commitment to learning the "how" of it is well worthwhile.
What is being said here relates to situations in the workplace where an employee's behaviour is unacceptable or is causing difficulties for other employees.
It also relates to situations where the employee is underperforming.
It is not seen as a way to handle formal disciplinary counselling or where an employee is being formally performance managed.
There are additional legal issues that need to be taken into account in those situations.
What is here is about avoiding the situation reaching that stage.
- Act as soon as you are aware there is a problem.
Delaying or avoiding on your part only makes the situation worse. - Focus on the behaviour or the issue, not the personality of the employee.
At an early stage you can be objective like this.
As time passes, however, enormous negative emotion builds up about the situation.
Many managers become angry and frustrated with the employee.
Their fear and anxiety about having the conversation then escalates enormously.
They are no longer able to separate the issue/behaviour from the person - something that is essential to good conflict resolution. - Prepare for the conversation.
Don't go in and act on what you are feeling.
Handle the situation in an emotionally intelligent way.
Act authoritatively, but not in an authoritarian way. - Be clear about what you see as the problem.
Be able to make clear to the employee the impact of the behaviour on the team and organisation.
Get clear about what you want changed. - Decide where the best place is to have the conversation - in your office, sitting behind your desk, down the back of the room on chairs, at a coffee shop? What environment offers you the best chance of getting the response you want?
- One of Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people is: Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood.
So after you have expressed your concern to your employee, invite him/her to explain what is happening.
Listen attentively and respectfully.
If the employee has, what appears to be, good excuses or explanations, remember these are NOT the issue.
The issue needs to be resolved regardless of the circumstances.
Discuss how both the employee's and the organisation's needs can be met.
In other words, engage the employee in the resolution. - Another essential skill in good conflict management is working towards Win/Win outcomes.
Ideally, both parties need to come out feeling they have won.
To achieve this, feedback needs to be constructive and about motivating improvement, not about blame and criticism. - At the end of the meeting, make sure that the employee is clear about what is required in terms of change.
Discuss what he/she needs to do to bring about that change and also how the organisation will assist.
Don't leave the meeting without agreement as to when you will review it.
You want them to be clear about what needs to happen and to feel they can do it.
You want them to feel they are supported by you in making the change, that you have offered them some strategies or service like coaching or counselling that will assist them.
